Episode 153 - A Reckless Amount of Towels - TLK S4E9

Eileen and Spencer take on The Last Kingdom Season 4 Episode 9 on Netflix.  Fled is Flowered then leaves with her army to take the North. Cigarettegggyrr tries to rule Wessex. Uht and his crew hang around for a bit. Arselicker licked his last. Will Cigarettegggyrr rule by love or fear? Will Brida get her revenge? Will Hesten stick around longer this time? Will Edith survive? Will Edward’s anger serve him? Confused? You won’t be after this exciting episode of Royal Highness!

royalhighnesspod@gmail.com 

This podcast contains adult language and content and is rated 'M' for Mature. Listener discretion is advised.

Transcript

SPEAKER_03 0:18

I just wanted to make sure that I capture all the the fun stuff that we talk about beforehand, because lately we haven't been doing that and that's been some comedy gold.

SPEAKER_01 0:28

I mean typically None of which makes it into the podcast.

SPEAKER_04 0:33

Right, because it wasn't recorded. No, it goes it goes into the it goes into the our brain boxes of the podcast.

SPEAKER_01 0:46

Hello. Wow, that sounded weird. Hello. And welcome to the Royal Highness podcast, where usually we prefer to watch some Gr Martin shows for the first time. Well enhanced with cannabis products. And then we talk about them while we're still enhanced with cannabis products. And uh we did the entirety in Night of the Seven Kingdoms. We're eagerly awaiting the release of House of the Dragon season three. But for right now, we're watching The Last Kingdom on Netflix, so we can talk about that instead of all of the horrors. Hello, Spencer. Hello, Eileen.

SPEAKER_04 1:26

I hope we can record next week.

SPEAKER_01 1:31

Yeah, hey. Uh the penultimate episode for season four, episode nine, titled Episode Nine. Correct. Netflix tells us, warns us, The Danes under Breda and Sigjaga sack Winchester, guided by the traitor Erduj. Hasten, who I thought was dead, ambushes Utred's party and seizes valuable captives. I wonder who that could be. They give everything away in everything.

SPEAKER_04 2:08

Yeah, but that was literally the first 12 minutes of the episode. That whole description was the first 12 minutes, and the rest was just like, hey, who can be dumber?

SPEAKER_01 2:18

Well, yeah. And we're again promised violence, nudity, language, and gore. Violence? Yeah.

unknown 2:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 2:27

Nudity?

SPEAKER_04 2:28

Nope. There was no nudity not a stitch.

SPEAKER_01 2:32

Not even not even a thigh.

SPEAKER_04 2:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 2:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 2:38

I noticed Mike is doing the I'm trying to remember nudity in this episode face. Well, there was a couple of there was a couple of risque ankle shots, perhaps. Oh still, my beating heart. Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_01 2:52

Trust me, I would have noticed. It's been a while. I'm up for a good ankle shot right now. Language, we got arse. That's the only oh and shit, I guess.

SPEAKER_04 3:01

And turd.

SPEAKER_01 3:03

I think shit's worse than turds, so I think that kind of supersedes.

SPEAKER_04 3:08

Yeah, turd is funny.

SPEAKER_01 3:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 3:11

Turd's a funny. That turd's it might, you know, that's what you call a little kid. Oh, you look at that little turd.

SPEAKER_01 3:16

Yeah. It's cute. They make little rubber ones that you can. They made an emoji, which I guess was frozen yogurt.

SPEAKER_04 3:25

My my mother-in-law gave me a turd for my birthday.

SPEAKER_01 3:28

There you go. Wow. That's amazing.

SPEAKER_03 3:32

Did that make it your turd day?

SPEAKER_01 3:39

Was it your turdiest birthday?

SPEAKER_04 3:42

It was my 43rd birthday.

SPEAKER_01 3:44

It was your 43rd birthday. Nice.

SPEAKER_04 3:47

Literally. How about that?

SPEAKER_01 3:49

Nice.

SPEAKER_04 3:51

Sure, it's better than what my grandma gave me. We can go back to that if you like. Gore, did we get some gore?

SPEAKER_01 3:56

Well, I guess the one scene where, yeah, okay. Yeah, we got some shit. Yeah, it was a little over 51 minutes. It was a little longer than usual.

SPEAKER_04 4:05

It felt like it went by really quick, mostly because I was just like, what are you doing the whole time? What are you doing?

SPEAKER_01 4:11

I got a late start, so I had to speedrun it. So my notes aren't as although I got nine pages. Well, okay, I say I got nine pages of notes, but they're an 18-point fun.

SPEAKER_04 4:21

Ah, see, mine's handwritten and it's two sides of a piece of paper. And I just stopped writing at one point because I was like, I I can't write what I'm thinking. Toward the last scene. I just went, what are you doing?

unknown 4:34

Yep.

SPEAKER_04 4:35

And I stared at it, shaking my head at the at the monitor, like, what are you doing?

SPEAKER_01 4:42

Yeah. Same. What are you gonna do now? You can't yell at them through the screen. Well, you can, but they don't hear you.

SPEAKER_04 4:48

I mean, I cheered at one point. There was one, do you know what it was that made me cheer? Take a wild guess.

SPEAKER_01 4:53

Oh.

SPEAKER_04 4:54

It was crazy. Is it the scene that's really loud?

SPEAKER_01 4:56

One of the most goriest?

SPEAKER_04 4:58

No, actually, it's not. It was this it was when when house gets punched. That cheered me up.

SPEAKER_01 5:05

Oh Right, right, right.

SPEAKER_04 5:10

It's like, oh, good. Do it again. Yeah, it again.

SPEAKER_01 5:17

Anyway. Did you have a do you have a uh alternate uh episode title?

SPEAKER_04 5:22

Well, it's stupid ball, TM. That's it.

SPEAKER_01 5:24

Oh Stupid Ball, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 5:26

I I these people I don't know what the writers were thinking. Let's I have a ch I have an idea. Let's pretend that everyone forgot who they were.

SPEAKER_01 5:37

Hey, um, I hate to break it to you, but this is just history.

SPEAKER_04 5:43

Well, I mean they did some there's some madey uppy shit here, but Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 5:48

But for the most part, the big the big pieces I think follow fairly closely.

unknown 5:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 5:54

You know, the Virgin Queen and the blah blah blah blah blah and the My episode title is I Thought Hasten was dead.

SPEAKER_04 6:05

Uh oh. Here we go.

SPEAKER_01 6:08

Ruger.

SPEAKER_04 6:15

Losing his shit because Matt took him out to go to the bathroom and she hasn't administered the treat fast enough.

SPEAKER_01 6:24

Oh, what'd be great when robots take our dogs out for a walk?

SPEAKER_04 6:29

The dog can deal with all that barking.

SPEAKER_01 6:32

Yeah, the robot can deal with it, and then it can administer treats out its ass or something.

SPEAKER_04 6:36

Oh man, just have a robot that takes the dogs out and it and it's and it has like a treat poop thing?

SPEAKER_01 6:44

It does. It has a it has a receptacle for the poop. So you you you tr the robot it picks up the poop and then dis disposes of it and then it gives a treat to the dog and then brings them back inside.

SPEAKER_04 7:02

Do we give the voice the robot has to have a voice, right? Do we give it like a creepy AI conversationalist voice like hey dogs, time to go outside. Come on in, boys. You pooped. That's a good voice.

SPEAKER_01 7:19

I'd hire you to do that.

SPEAKER_04 7:21

I would not, because then I want my rob I want my robot to sound like a robot.

SPEAKER_01 7:27

You you would I'd want my robot to sound like hey guys, time to go out. Or I could talk like I talked to my dogs, which is hello burpies.

SPEAKER_04 7:40

I am very annoying with my dogs. There's Buzz Buzz Robot, there's Creepy Fella, and then there's high pitched person.

SPEAKER_01 7:55

That's their favorite saying.

SPEAKER_04 8:02

This is our show now. All right.

SPEAKER_01 8:04

That was so that was actually foreplay of my first marriage. Oh man, I am so sorry.

SPEAKER_04 8:15

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_05 8:16

Get on with it. Yes, get on with it!

SPEAKER_01 8:21

Alright, so we get a recap. Holy shit, we're still in the recap. Uh he is Utrid, son of Utrid. Blah blah blah blah blah. We see Edward and Fled having a little spitty spat, and how mom's taking Stan away, how uh Wolf like betrays fucking everybody.

SPEAKER_04 8:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 8:38

How Utrod took a job of Lord of Mercia and then said, fuck that, Fled can have it, and nobody wants it. Uh so she has to remain chased. Um Destiny's on.

SPEAKER_04 8:50

And he's bumped because we get he wants to get at that again. He wants to get all up in them guts, but instead we get we get the uh coron post-coronation flower throwing sequence scored by Tangerine Dream. What the fuck was this music? I don't even know it was the wild ski. It's like, wow, what the synth shit?

SPEAKER_01 9:16

It's a pastel, flowery, brightly colored, whatever, and they're cheering like long live queen blah blah blah.

SPEAKER_04 9:32

They don't even know her name.

SPEAKER_01 9:38

What's the name? What's the name again? Ethel good god, it's another Ethel! Jesus Christ, what's this one? They're all called Ethel. Good lord. Oh great. Went from Ethelred to Ethelflaed. No, no, she's already gone. Honestly, if you think about it, if you take the R, right, and you take the leg off, it becomes the L. And then you're left with the P, and if you take off the little bit in the front, you've got an F. You can turn Ethylred into Ethelflaed very easily. I'm just saying this is how my mind works on cannabis products. It's not useful at all to anybody.

SPEAKER_03 10:19

As I was watching it, and I was they were throwing the flowers and said, Long lean, long leave Lady Ethelflaed, and blah blah blah. And then she turns around that the very next scene we see her, she's I'm gonna take off now. And I'm saying, Oh, she was queen for a day. Right.

SPEAKER_01 10:36

She's getting all suited up. Oh, but before that we see uh Winchester, which is much more Renfair than Fairy Festival, let's be honest, right?

SPEAKER_04 10:45

Oh, right now, yeah, because yeah, there's a pig and a chicken. There is a pig and a chicken. Get skewered. No. Pig was snorkeling. Oh, they're just at the rent fair. The Winchester looked more Renfair because as that was like the first episode we did. Very first, I said the chicken makes the the Renfair.

SPEAKER_01 11:07

That's right.

SPEAKER_04 11:10

You gotta have a chicken buckbuckin' and you have to have a pig snork snorking, and they did them bowl. Renfare. There wasn't anybody pushing a cart. There wasn't a lady with a basket. At least that I saw it, because I was too busy going, pig chicken! Woo! Renfair. And then I noticed people started getting hit in the throat. You've been to Renfairs before. Uh does that happen a lot where people are just hanging out having a pint of mead and then like an arrow shoots them in the throat and they die? Does that happen?

SPEAKER_01 11:39

Not as often as you might like.

SPEAKER_04 11:47

As you said, the odds are good, but the goods are odd. I know that that's my favorite line.

SPEAKER_01 11:52

Because it doesn't matter. Spencer, I get hit on at the Renfair.

SPEAKER_04 11:56

Well, sure. But but you see, there is no more lady place in the world than a Renfair. You know what I mean? There's gotta be more dudes doffing headwear and saying Malady at a Renfair than any other place. And I'm But you know what?

SPEAKER_01 12:15

That's become cringe, and so they don't anymore.

SPEAKER_04 12:19

Uh, I beg to differ. I'm sure. Not at the one I go to. Okay. My wife says I I have to greet her by saying Malady.

SPEAKER_03 12:28

So you're talking, of course, about the the guard walking with his girlfriend and the arrow comes into its neck and I thought my own my first thought was message for you, sir. Ah yeah! Oh sweet Concord.

SPEAKER_04 12:49

I think I'll be fine, sir. You should not have been nearly mortally wounded in vain. But then all hell breaks loose, right?

SPEAKER_01 12:57

Because the Danes are attacking.

SPEAKER_04 12:59

Oh, they sure do attack. The whole place folded like an easily folded thing, is what I wrote down. At one point, there was a handful of people that were fleeing the Dane invasion, and they were running towards the camera, and then they had to run around the camera. And clearly, by your reaction, you saw that. Don't run into the camera man, I wrote.

SPEAKER_01 13:23

What killed me is it was so fucking Looney Tunes that they just looked like run, and then the the Danes would come out of like an alleyway, and then they'd just go turn around and run the other way.

SPEAKER_02 13:41

Oh man.

SPEAKER_04 13:43

Dane Running runs into one door, comes out of another door in a different hallway, and they just keep doing the Scooby-Doo Gambit. Oh yes.

SPEAKER_01 13:51

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_04 13:53

Also, we it's I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_01 13:56

No. I'm sorry. Okay. I lost all control of that thread.

SPEAKER_04 14:09

Okay, I was messing with my volume and I forgot I said something about Scooby-Doo and then Yeah, and then I I I elaborated on your Scooby-Doo, and then uh I was gonna mention that at some point during this invasion we kind of jumped back and forth between the actual invasion itself and uh House brushing his teeth with a stick. Why?

SPEAKER_01 14:32

Wait, and a what no what?

SPEAKER_04 14:35

Was I seeing that wrong, Mike? Was that a stick? Okay, it was a stick. Wait, who's doing what with a stick?

SPEAKER_03 14:42

It was like a little bundle of twigs. Ethel sta Fred Bell Ethel Father-in-law.

SPEAKER_01 14:50

Yeah. That got sent back to Wessex. Oh, hell. Elf Ethel Hill. Elfell. I thought he was Burgermeister Meister Burger at first.

SPEAKER_03 14:58

I just call him House.

SPEAKER_04 14:59

I just call him House.

SPEAKER_03 15:00

But yeah, he's just like picking at his teeth with this bundle of sticks. Twig.

SPEAKER_01 15:05

Oh like rush. No, that's a thing. That's an old-fashioned toothbrush, basically. They had like you can you no, it was just you can use any fibrous twig, and you just kind of shred it with your teeth, and then you can use it to get in between your teeth. It was actually quite effective. Just saying. Well, regardless, I worked for a dental company for a while and I learned just like I worked for a company that sells a medical device that I now know way more about than anybody should. So I have all this knowledge in my head about those two things.

SPEAKER_04 15:38

Colostomy bags. She knows about colostomy bags, everybody.

SPEAKER_01 15:42

Emergency colostomy bags, correct. Find them in all your airports.

SPEAKER_04 15:47

Attach the bag to the patient. Apply the shock now. I think I might have killed I I might have killed the entire podcast just now. Can you imagine? Oh my god, he's gonna piss himself to death. Quick.

SPEAKER_02 16:22

It's an ACB.

SPEAKER_04 16:24

Automatic colostomy. A C B. A C B it would come first on the wall. And you you put the you put the you put one sticker on the back and one sticker on the front. If it's a child. What do you do between what do you do between shocks to the bladder? Pour water inpatient now.

SPEAKER_01 17:18

I am imagining I am imagining there's an enema situation occurring at the same time. Oh shit.

SPEAKER_04 17:27

Two pumps only.

SPEAKER_01 17:32

Charging. Do not touch the patient. Do not touch the patient.

SPEAKER_05 17:49

Or piercing.

SPEAKER_01 17:54

Please remember to wash your hands.

SPEAKER_02 18:00

Oh shit. Well, I like how are we talking about?

SPEAKER_04 18:09

We're on scene two and we're already awesome, 20 minutes in.

SPEAKER_01 18:14

Okay, let's let's get let's uh we haven't gotten to the opening theme song yet.

SPEAKER_04 18:18

That's fine. That sucks. Um we're still in the golden open.

SPEAKER_01 18:22

We see Brita breaking into the abbey and they take all the priests. So Sig is like hanging out, and so Athel fle uh held is like, hey, uh wait, I am so confused. Is my is this right? He tries to go to the abbey, she takes the priests, right? And then Held's like, what the fuck's happening? And I said, the first guy Oh, the first guy who got an arrow in his neck is still alive. So uh Held goes down and he's like, dude, what the fuck happened? And Siggy comes out and he's like, uh, come with me. And so he takes takes him and uh now how does he know that he's anybody?

SPEAKER_04 19:13

Because he came from inside the palace.

SPEAKER_01 19:16

Doesn't matter. He's just a guy in a night shirt. He's not even wearing anything of you know, that's what I don't understand.

SPEAKER_04 19:25

His fancy rings and his chiseled beard and his look of aristocracy and his Of course, of course, how do I I missed all that?

SPEAKER_01 19:37

He was wearing a dingy fucking burlap fucking sort of working me up.

SPEAKER_03 19:44

Might have had some something to do with the fact that he had two guardsmen with him standing by the ball. He did also have guards, all that's true. Yes.

SPEAKER_01 19:51

Come on, a lot of the villagers don't have those.

SPEAKER_03 19:54

No, that's an upgrade. Villagers don't they can't afford their own guards, you know.

SPEAKER_01 19:59

Right. Like I said, it's an upgrade. They can't afford it. Yeah. So basically, Utrid ends up Utrud ends up surrounded? Later. No. No. Uh who gets surrounded? He's like, are you gonna fight or yield?

SPEAKER_04 20:17

And he says yield. Right. Yeah. And all the all the while this is happening, all the guards are kneeling around him in a circle. And as soon as he says yield, Frida gives a signal, and then they just murder all the guards.

SPEAKER_01 20:30

Yep.

SPEAKER_04 20:30

Like with okay.

SPEAKER_01 20:32

They all use the same thing though. They all they each each knight or guard had a dude behind him, right? So they did they all get together beforehand and decide which weapon they were gonna use, or is this just like the standard weapon that you use for this? But it was like a a big stabby on a pole. It's is that a hand axe.

SPEAKER_04 20:53

It was a longer axe, and uh it I'm pretty sure it wasn't an axe.

SPEAKER_03 20:58

No, I don't exactly know what it was. So it was think of a hammer, but with a huge head on it, and it's got a spiky on one side and a bludgeon on the other.

SPEAKER_01 21:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 21:09

Yeah. You only saw it briefly at the end.

SPEAKER_01 21:13

Yeah. Uh when it got to the last guy.

SPEAKER_03 21:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 21:17

But it didn't look like a very efficient weapon to me. I'm like, d that takes a very specific blow.

SPEAKER_03 21:24

Yeah, but I mean, you know, that might just be a war hammer. A forehead, yeah, it's probably probably just a war hammer.

SPEAKER_01 21:29

So yeah, Breed is into it too. She's like, ooh, baby. The they put Ethelheld and Stiora and Stan into prison. So the the Danes are basically holding Winchester. Chanting. Well yeah. Did the chanting start underneath the action when they were being thrown in jail? No. Losing my mind.

unknown 21:49

Hi.

SPEAKER_03 21:52

I'd like to point out the fact that they were they were ready to take control of this castle town to the nth degree to the fact that they already had pre-made banners that they could put up around the city walls. Okay, but they weren't exactly the nicest. Banners. But still, that took some time to make those. It's not like they, you know, this is very much an eat more chicken scenario here.

SPEAKER_01 22:18

This was two sticks. Okay, it literally looked like a an uh decoration at like an amusement park for haunted Halloween or something. Because it was two sticks kind of put together like a like a an F without the second thing. And then it had just a piece of gauze draped in between the pole, you know, at like an angle. And other little dangly things on it with the occasional head on a spike. They've got a spike guy.

SPEAKER_04 22:55

I gotta put heads on spikes.

SPEAKER_01 22:57

Puts heads on spikes, takes heads off spikes. Clean spikes.

SPEAKER_04 23:01

Puts in clean spikes. Otherwise the gunk builds up, right? And you can't put the new heads on.

SPEAKER_01 23:09

It gets hard to get a big one.

SPEAKER_04 23:13

Ooh, box of spikes. So we're at a place called Thatcham.

SPEAKER_01 23:17

Thatcham, which we've never heard of before.

SPEAKER_04 23:21

No, it's a a place. And uh Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 23:25

The Final Fantasy parties there.

SPEAKER_04 23:28

Mom is talking about how much how much sticks she wants. She does this point have a conversation with Utrid about her plans and how she feels about Utrid and whether or not they can work together. And Ut's just like, Yeah, yeah, yeah, will you shut up, please? I'm busy cutting wood.

SPEAKER_02 23:46

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_04 23:48

And at some point, she turns to Father Perlig and says, Hey, was I wrong about was was it was a lot were a lot of people wrong about how Alfred felt about Utrid? And he's basically like, nah, pretty sure it was just you being a bitch.

SPEAKER_01 24:02

Bye. She says, all these great things. Is it possible nobody noticed how awesome Otrid was? And Father P is just like, uh, that's what you say. Dot dot dot. And the dot dot dots implied, I believe.

SPEAKER_03 24:22

He very much audibly dot dot dotted. And even Oot was shocked by that because he just gave Prilig a glance, like, did you just say something like that?

SPEAKER_01 24:32

Right.

SPEAKER_03 24:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 24:33

To the queen. Yeah, Father Ps is like, we noticed uh you were the only one that didn't. And then dot dot dot cunt is implied.

SPEAKER_04 24:41

Woo! Snay up. It's a pretty brutal dot dot dot.

SPEAKER_01 24:46

Yeah, you know that cunt was at the end of that dot dot dot.

SPEAKER_04 24:49

Oh yeah. Oh, also I think I saw a little bit of flirty between Finn and Edith, like you said. Like, oh yeah.

SPEAKER_01 24:56

Just sleep together already. Good God. What are they waiting for? A comfy bed. Oh, come on. We've watched Jesus. How many places did we did we watch Jon Snow get busy with women in caves, in tree roots, I mean in mud. It's like what the fuck?

SPEAKER_04 25:21

Damon and Renera used a fuck hut.

SPEAKER_01 25:24

Remember, there was a fuck hut on the beach.

SPEAKER_04 25:26

A beach-based fuck hut? But that's a different show. I don't care. Oh well that's right.

SPEAKER_01 25:32

These people are getting jiggy.

SPEAKER_04 25:34

Utred and Brida did it by the fire pit. The charcoal pit. Come on. If it's warm, I am wet.

SPEAKER_01 25:43

Okay, there's something that happens here where Edith and Stuart come back with a bunch of wood, and it's that's not enough for mama. She's like, I'm going to need more. I'm I get cold at night. And they're like, fuck you.

SPEAKER_04 25:59

Maybe tromping back out to the woods. Go get your own fucking wood.

SPEAKER_01 26:05

Right? That was the look that Seora gave her. Like, okay, bitch. Dot dot dot. Cunt was implied.

SPEAKER_04 26:13

The first line in the scene was Finn and going, sure, it's an honor to be an escort for the Queen Mother. Fuck. He didn't say the fuck part, but it was implied.

SPEAKER_01 26:22

I will implied. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 26:26

You can hear that. Anyway. Then we get a kill. Oh, I'm sorry, there's more.

SPEAKER_01 26:33

Yeah, there are. Because Utred's daughter doesn't want to go to Cockcom because after they drop off the mom in Winchester, because that's boring.

SPEAKER_04 26:43

Oh my god, kid, get over it. You know what excitement seems to be? Um, people attacking.

SPEAKER_01 26:50

Yeah. That happens a lot.

SPEAKER_04 26:51

I'm gonna go for boredom.

SPEAKER_01 26:53

And right now they're camped right beside the this is basically it like camping along a major highway, I guess. Because people just riding by. Not just along in a major.

SPEAKER_04 27:05

This is like, I'm gonna take a nap right in 994.

SPEAKER_01 27:10

Why would you do that?

SPEAKER_04 27:14

This seems to be a major trade route. Yeah, like, dude, get out of the road.

SPEAKER_01 27:19

Well, and then they start hearing unusual noises in the woods.

SPEAKER_04 27:23

I didn't hear anything unusual. Twigs break all the time.

SPEAKER_01 27:26

What's unusual noise? You couldn't hear Utrud riding off 15 seconds after he left their eyesight. But they can hear twigs snapping. Anyway.

SPEAKER_04 27:37

Right, that might be a creature. Or it could be a bunch of Danes. Ah it was a bunch of Danes.

SPEAKER_01 27:43

It was a bunch of Danes.

SPEAKER_04 27:45

And it was Heston.

SPEAKER_01 27:46

So now it's a good thing that the girls are outside of the circle, right? Well at least we find out that Edith is outside the circle. Eat it. Edith does all get more sticks.

SPEAKER_04 28:02

And uh Heston comes in and they did uh they did a thing where they surrounded everybody, and Heston started talking to Utrid, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And he closes the gap between him and Utrid, and while he does that, the circle tightens. And this was very, very west side story of him to do that. And then I I don't know if you felt like that when you saw it, but I'm like, oh, he closed it.

SPEAKER_01 28:32

No, no, I was too I was too um totally distracted because well, first of all, Edith pulls up her hood when she sees him. Right. She's like, oh, like the one person. The whole reason she went in is because nobody knew her there, right? Nobody knew her there.

SPEAKER_04 28:52

What now? You you skipped ahead a bit.

SPEAKER_01 28:56

No, I didn't.

SPEAKER_04 28:57

Yeah, because she hadn't she pulls her head up twice her head up twice because Hester knows who she is. Right. But the one person she runs into is later on. One person that she could. Yeah, that's in Winchester, but we'll get to that.

SPEAKER_01 29:12

Alright. So uh Sig They're talking about he's kin of Ivar the fucking boneless, and here's where it comes in. There's Ivar the Boneless, and then I was just like can't think about anything else now. So because if you watch if you watched Vikings, Ivar the Boneless is like, think about a less intense Joffrey mixed with with a less intense who was the kid who tortured Theon? Burn um uh Ramsey Bolton. Bolton, that's it. Ramsey Bolton. Like he but here's the kicker. His legs don't work.

SPEAKER_04 29:53

What?

SPEAKER_01 29:54

And that's why he's called Ivar the Boneless.

SPEAKER_04 29:56

This is a character from Vikings, you say?

SPEAKER_01 29:59

This was a real Viking.

SPEAKER_04 30:02

Oh.

SPEAKER_01 30:03

He was a real he was a descendant of Ragnar.

SPEAKER_05 30:06

No shit.

SPEAKER_04 30:08

No shit. How do Ragnar have descendants that were growing up enough to do shit already? How much time has passed?

SPEAKER_01 30:14

No, no, no. This is the show Vikings. It's a totally different show, babe.

SPEAKER_05 30:18

Yeah, but oh fuck. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 30:22

I'm confused. I don't know if the timelines match up or not, honestly. Oh, also I'm not sure. All I know is that they mentioned Ivar the Boneless.

SPEAKER_04 30:30

Our boy Dunk was in Vikings, I guess, for a few episodes. Oh, just a few episodes. Yeah. Like season four, I think. I don't remember. I saw it on Reddit, and you know, everything you see on Reddit is true.

SPEAKER_01 30:46

Always.

SPEAKER_04 30:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 30:48

That's what they say. If it's on Reddit, 100% true. You can count it.

SPEAKER_04 30:54

It's more trustworthy than Fox News. It's more trustworthy than Fox News.

SPEAKER_01 30:58

More trustworthy than Fox News. That's their tagline.

SPEAKER_04 31:02

I mean, that's a low bar. So.

SPEAKER_01 31:04

Democracy dies on the internet. Okay. So basically, Heston's like, hey, guess what?

SPEAKER_02 31:10

Guess what? Guess what?

SPEAKER_01 31:11

We took my test. So now we're gonna take Stiora and Stan and Mom, and we're gonna put him in a cart and we're gonna haul him away. And then Heston's like, let's kill all the rest of you. Now, Oot tries to talk him out of it, right? Yeah. And I said, It's not looking good. But I don't remember how he gets out of it right now. Because we cut to something else.

SPEAKER_04 31:40

Well, they leave on the thing, and uh then we have a brief interlude where Ed and Ethel Fled discuss her plans to go up to Eferwitch and take that, and she's gonna do it by herself, and Ed's like, Yeah, I'll go with you. And then we go back to see Utrid and the fellas hanging upside down in the trees.

SPEAKER_01 32:03

Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha. But and uh right, because after I said that I said, Oh, Fled's leaving now in this economy? She's just getting out while we're getting started.

SPEAKER_05 32:13

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 32:14

Yeah, she's she's just going out with the troops to take Ethelwitch or whatever the fuck that was, their little summer home summer home.

SPEAKER_04 32:22

Utrud and the boys are upside down. And uh Heston, yeah, I'm I'm not a fan. And Heston leaves two guys to to stay there and watch them. And they just stand like a foot away from everybody and go.

SPEAKER_03 32:37

I wrote in my notes that he left two red shirts behind. He did leave two red shirts. Yes. One of them is called Orm. Yes. I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 32:45

Orm we learned Orm's name, yes. Orm! Orm! Wow. That's a good name. That's a short name. That's a name you can get behind. That's a name without a nickname.

SPEAKER_04 32:55

Orm. All right. Unless his name is like Orm Ormrigger or something.

SPEAKER_01 33:01

Or Orm Ormington.

SPEAKER_04 33:04

Or Ormie McCorm face. Ormington Viking Face the Third. Hello. Yes. My name is Ormington. Edith is still in the woods.

SPEAKER_01 33:18

She's watching everything happen.

SPEAKER_04 33:19

And uh then we go back to Winchester. This is exhausting. So Rita and Sigtrigger are watching uh steal from the dead bodies in the street. Because he's so awesome. He's a good ass licker though. He's uh he knows how to polish a butthole. And um at one point Yeah. Sorry. I don't want to think about that. Does that involve a buffer? It's a nice damp cloth and some bartender's friend. You're good to go.

SPEAKER_01 33:55

Oh, that's not gonna polish. That's ooh, that's gonna scratch. Just saying. I'm thinking what you need is a good uh um what's that stuff that you use for like glass uh stovetops? I don't know.

SPEAKER_04 34:08

Uh I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 34:10

Brasso?

SPEAKER_04 34:11

You're assuming that glass assholes are made out of glass now, apparently. Um what? No.

SPEAKER_01 34:20

Although if somebody were gonna get, you know, I'd want to be my asshole to be treated like glass, just like like a the I don't want to talk about my asshole. I made the decision right here. No, that's a line I won't cross. All right, we're moving on.

SPEAKER_04 34:42

So Sing Trigger wants to figure figure out a way to upset the people in Winchester and Breda's like, I got a plan. Let's dig up all their dead bodies. Wow.

SPEAKER_01 34:58

Meanwhile, Edith Own the k gonna own the Christians.

SPEAKER_04 35:01

Yeah. We're gonna we're gonna own these guys by digging up their corpses. And meanwhile, Edith has attracted Orm away from his post by shouting, screaming, really. And then she he comes up to her to see what's wrong with her, and and she stabs him with what I wrote down here in all caps, excruciating slowness.

SPEAKER_01 35:26

Like, and he doesn't fight back at all.

SPEAKER_04 35:31

No, she just and then stabs him, and then stabs him and stabs him, and the whole while he's just going orm.

SPEAKER_01 35:40

Did it look like the first time she'd ever killed someone? Is it the first time she's killed someone that we've seen?

SPEAKER_04 35:44

It may have been. I don't recall. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 35:47

I mean, I think the first time's always the hardest. I I hear.

SPEAKER_04 35:52

Yeah. I was expecting her to turn around and vomit like everyone else does in their first kill, but she didn't do that. And then she goes, I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_01 36:00

Keep in mind, while they've been hanging upside down, Citric's been bitching and moaning because he's he's done, right? And they're like, hang in there, dude. Hang in there. Literally when she takes out the one guy and then she circles back and she starts to cut them down. They're like, Cut down Citric first. So he's just like, fine. So she goes over and she cuts him down. This dude lands. Oh man, they're hanging upside down, probably a good what, three feet off the ground their heads were. That's a solid fall. Just saying, and your body's all weird because you've been hanging upside down. He falls down. He takes out the other Dane that went looking for Orm. He recovers quickly. Because he just takes out the other guy. Huh?

SPEAKER_04 36:45

Yeah, it's Citric and Perlig actually kind of take him out together, and they're like bashing up against a tree and shit, and Citric stabs him to death.

SPEAKER_01 36:54

They've both been hanging upside down.

SPEAKER_04 36:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 36:57

I I don't think's the other thing. Have you ever thought about these scenes, but without the exciting music? Because that's the reality that if these people were real people, that's the reality they're living. They don't have the exciting music in the background. They're just out there grunting and bleeding and clanging and smooshing. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 37:21

That's a good time.

SPEAKER_01 37:23

Oh.

SPEAKER_03 37:24

I mean, have you ever seen those videos where they take then you know we'd know when danger was approaching because it would change from from something something dangerous is coming along, I should stop. So the music starts up again better. Wouldn't that be great?

SPEAKER_04 37:40

That's like a literal cue in some video games. If you're if you're traveling like in an open world game and you don't know that there's something approaching you, if the music changes, you know to hide or prepare for combat.

SPEAKER_01 37:52

So they're all hot to get to Winchester. So so the Danes took their horses. Yeah. So they decide they're going to jog to Winchester, which is a crazy town. That's a workout plan. And they send Father P off to find Ed.

SPEAKER_04 38:16

Yeah, I quadruple underlined the word run. They run after. Well, Pearly goes to Edward. Run!

SPEAKER_01 38:26

They run. They run into the dusk. It was so wild. I was just like, oh no, they've been running a long time.

SPEAKER_04 38:33

How fucking far apart this shit happened.

SPEAKER_01 38:36

Right? Is this like jogging from like Chicago to Indianapolis? Or is this like jogging from my house to like the Walmart, which is like two miles away?

SPEAKER_04 38:50

Yeah, because that seems more reasonable. I mean, if someone said, Oh, we have to run, but you have to go two miles, I think, okay, res relatively fit people, whether they've been hanging upside down for a length of time or not, could make a two-mile run. But 60 miles from Chicago to Indy, no fucking way. No fucking way.

SPEAKER_01 39:12

No fucking way.

SPEAKER_04 39:13

So I shouldn't even say it's 60 miles because Chicago to Chicago is 60 miles. Who am I kidding?

SPEAKER_01 39:19

And seven hours.

SPEAKER_04 39:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 39:22

To go that 60 miles. Just made it for the ghost side. Oh boy. Cut to Brida in the room with the prisoners, and she's caressing. Which coffin was she caressing? Was it Alfred or was it?

SPEAKER_04 39:34

Alfred's coffin. And she put her hand right on the junky part.

SPEAKER_01 39:38

No, she didn't. She put him near the junky parts. Almost to the junky parts. She did.

SPEAKER_04 39:44

Mike and I are in very strong agreement that she was like grow up in the junkie parts.

SPEAKER_01 39:48

I think you just wanted her to touch the junky parts, and that's No, I didn't need to see that at all.

SPEAKER_04 39:52

I don't like it when people touch like statue boobies and they all get worn.

SPEAKER_03 39:56

It's weird. I thought that too, and so I went back and watched it again. And yep, she went all sensual, sliding.

SPEAKER_05 40:06

Elfred Jock. I killed Mike.

SPEAKER_04 40:13

Anyway. House gets up and he's like, Well, I am a very rich man. What can I give you? And she just punches him in the mouth, and I'm like, Yeah! Do again. Right, Hook.

unknown 40:28

Yep.

SPEAKER_04 40:28

So she does. I've lived without silver for a long time, and he's like, Well, what do you want then? Revenge. Against whom? Punch!

SPEAKER_05 40:36

Yeah!

SPEAKER_04 40:38

All of you, she says. I'm like, okay, that's enough punching. You're done.

SPEAKER_03 40:42

Uh Mercia is between 70 and 100 miles away from Wessex, give or take.

SPEAKER_01 40:49

Okay. So they're gonna run 70 miles. That's that's crazy town.

SPEAKER_03 40:55

To be fair, we don't know how far from Mercia they were, but they couldn't have been too far because Prillig was able to run back somewhere to meet Edward.

unknown 41:06

Probably.

SPEAKER_03 41:06

And how did he and he must have just known? Well, he had to go back towards Mercia because he would know that Edward would be coming from Mercia to Wessex, so he'd be on the main road since he's the king.

SPEAKER_02 41:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 41:20

So we have no idea how far apart they were to begin with.

unknown 41:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 41:26

If a train leaves Wessex at 7:45 a.m.

SPEAKER_04 41:31

Am I gonna have to I'm gonna have to do like a Google Maps thing here?

SPEAKER_01 41:35

Yeah. And a goat leaves Winchester. At 9 17. Okay.

SPEAKER_04 41:43

Directions from Great Bedwin, UK.

SPEAKER_01 41:46

While you do that, the Danes are setting up their Danish pikes. And that's just this is where I saw the heads on spikes. I'm like, they have a spike guy. I'm so happy. They're making jobs. They're create they're job creators, really. And Heston's gonna go see Siggy. And he's telling talking to these guys. He's like, hey, don't tell him about which you're being dead yet until I say so. What was the point of that?

SPEAKER_04 42:08

I think he wanted uh he wanted some some plaudits for having done it. Here's what I'm gonna say. Okay, so yeah, so okay. No, go ahead.

SPEAKER_01 42:17

Can I okay the can I rant for a minute?

SPEAKER_04 42:21

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 42:21

Why didn't he just kill him?

SPEAKER_04 42:23

I don't know that.

SPEAKER_01 42:24

Why did he hang him upside down to die and all his dudes? Let's be honest. This is the villain's folly, right? They never kill the good guy. Right? They they get they for whatever reason they decide that they're too clever to just put a bullet. So they, you know, just hang them upside down from a tree until the sap runs into their eyes and the ants eat their innards. It's like, come on, guys, just you know, you can't take credit for killing them unless you've seen them die. And the odds that they would just leave them in a situation like that are seemed super duper low. Considering that they don't know who else is around. Just seems again stupid ball.

SPEAKER_04 43:07

Stupid ball.

SPEAKER_01 43:08

He's playing stupid ball. He should have just killed. Let's put it out there. This is move one of stupid ball. Should have just killed Utred and his guys on the spot. Okay.

SPEAKER_04 43:17

Yeah. But I have some news. I have some I have some updates for you here. I've been I've been playing with with some maps. Uh they were in a place called Thatchem, yeah, roughly. Right?

SPEAKER_01 43:28

I believe so, yes.

SPEAKER_04 43:29

Thatchem is oh also I should mention that they meet with Alfred or Edward Edward in a place called Kingsclear. Yeah. Much it pretty soon, well, uh Pearl Lake does, right? Yeah. According to this, you can uh take a train and it's 45 minutes. On the 8339, it's sixteen minutes, but you're not running sixty five miles an hour or whatever. I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 43:54

There's no walking.

SPEAKER_04 43:56

You can't choose walking. Here's the thing Winchester is like two and a half times further away, and they ran the whole way. Oh my god. From Thatcham to Winchester. It does not make any sense.

SPEAKER_01 44:08

No. It doesn't. It c why couldn't and I refuse to believe that between there and where they were going, there was nowhere for them to get horses. There were well, if if uh the the There were no other villages or anything like that where they could have just villages.

SPEAKER_04 44:25

They could have just like stolen a horse.

SPEAKER_01 44:27

But they decided not to. Now, who's to say? We don't know how time works here, remember? It's very possible like several days passed and they would like jog for a while and then they'd, you know, take a break and go potty or what have you. Do they all have to stop when one of them had to pee?

SPEAKER_04 44:43

I don't think anybody uh in this in this show uses the restroom until later on in this episode.

SPEAKER_01 44:52

Anyway, mom's gonna go see Brita and Siggy and tell them that they're idiots, because you know, all y'all are right here, and guess what? My boy's gonna comb down on all y'all.

SPEAKER_04 45:06

Yeah, he's gonna burn us all to death.

SPEAKER_05 45:09

Yay! Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 45:11

And Britain sits in her face.

SPEAKER_01 45:13

And then she's like, have her servant girl feed her shit.

SPEAKER_04 45:18

Why did that have to happen?

SPEAKER_01 45:19

But she didn't.

SPEAKER_04 45:20

I was asked thought. No, I know, but the thought was planted, and I'm grossed up by it.

SPEAKER_01 45:26

Yeah, I am too. That is that is uh awful. That is, yeah. Mm-mm.

SPEAKER_04 45:32

I mean, this is why Danes get a reputation as horrible. Because on the whole, they're reasonable.

SPEAKER_02 45:40

Current ones?

SPEAKER_04 45:41

No, the ancient guys. And they you know, they're reasonable people outside of the you know um shit feeding. Even Sigtrigger seems like a pretty reasonable guy, all things considered.

SPEAKER_01 45:54

Yeah, he's the new breed, you know. He is the He's the new Eric.

SPEAKER_04 45:58

That's what he is.

SPEAKER_01 45:59

Yeah. Oh, and while this is happening, Breedis looks at Sjor and is like, hey, you look Danish. It's the cream cheese filling, I guess. I don't know what would make her think she looks like every other white girl. Uh what makes her look more Danish?

SPEAKER_04 46:20

Sh she ain't wearing a big fucking cross like everyone else.

SPEAKER_01 46:24

I guess. And Wolf's like, hey, that's Udrid's kid, so probably at least half Danish, right?

SPEAKER_04 46:30

And Breed is like, send her her head.

SPEAKER_01 46:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 46:33

Send him her head.

SPEAKER_01 46:34

Right, find Udred, send him Styara's head.

SPEAKER_04 46:37

She's like, no, no, no, no. She comes with me. And the way he said it, I was like, oh, gross. She comes with me. Like, oh.

SPEAKER_05 46:46

No, I don't want to.

SPEAKER_01 46:48

I thought he was gonna let her go. Oh, you didn't I didn't think anything rose was gonna happen.

SPEAKER_05 46:51

I thought it was gonna be bad.

SPEAKER_01 46:53

Siggy was pretty, I don't know, he'd kind of shown himself to be kind of a stand-up guy so far. Okay, they've changed his look a little bit. Have you noticed? The hair is slightly different, and now he's got a little bit of facial hair.

SPEAKER_05 47:05

They got the wig on all the way, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 47:06

I think they put the wig on him right this time.

SPEAKER_05 47:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 47:10

Just saying. All right. Now, here's where I wrote, because they showed him running again. I said they are going to be so tired when they get to Winchester. They're gonna be cramping up, they're gonna be dehydrated. Oh, they're doing they're doing the thing where they're like hiding in the woods, scoping out the entrance, and it's like, there's too many of them. We can't take them out at once. And I went, they're gonna pull a dread pirate robber. They're gonna set him on fire. So, I am the dread pirate robots.

SPEAKER_04 47:47

That's not what happens.

SPEAKER_01 47:49

No, it would have been way more interesting.

SPEAKER_04 47:51

We can basically skip this entire scene between Sig Trigger and Steora, except for the mention it's basically one ad for Ancestry.com and recap Palooza is what I wrote in my notes. It's basically everything we've seen to this point. Although, again, Sig Trigger is normal to her. Yeah, he is curious and he talks with her, and that is it. Although she's very cold for obvious reasons.

SPEAKER_01 48:19

So cut to the final thing.

SPEAKER_04 48:21

Unless you had something good to say about that scene, I didn't.

SPEAKER_03 48:23

I mean, I just no, I just looked at the time and realized how many more notes I it points out that she's very wise because she's kind of calling Sig Trigger out on all of his assumptions and making him reconsider things a little bit.

SPEAKER_04 48:38

Yeah, so I mean there is there is some character development for, but for me at least, it was just like we already know all this shit.

SPEAKER_01 48:45

Back to back to the Final Fantasy Party, talking about how to get in. There's too many of them. I can't take them all at once.

SPEAKER_04 48:50

I am so sorry, but you have yet to say final pharmacy panty, and it's made me very sad.

SPEAKER_01 48:55

The final pharmacy panty is talking about sorry.

SPEAKER_04 48:59

I just keep saying it right, and I'm like, what is going on?

SPEAKER_01 49:02

In my notes, I write out F all I say is FFP.

SPEAKER_04 49:06

That's right. There you go.

SPEAKER_01 49:07

So does Mike. Okay.

SPEAKER_04 49:08

Um the boys. I should really make it broader than that because Edith is with them.

SPEAKER_01 49:13

Edith is with them, yes. She's the healer, I guess. I don't know what she is. All right. They're talking about how to get in, and Edith is like, I don't know anybody in there. This is perfect. I can go in, let the Saxons know that you're out here keeping an eye on things, right? And they're like, makes sense to me. So then we cut to Father P. And I see here, I thought he was like pulling up the rear behind them. But no, he's not. He's going out to meet Edward to uh find Edward, give him the news. And Edward does not take it well.

SPEAKER_04 49:50

Yeah, and he says by his silence, Father Pearlig almost kind of insults the king. But in a lot of ways, I I reread this scene after I thought about it a little more. I realized that Edward is just talking about himself and he's not putting words in Pearlig's mouth. He's just like, Am I the dumbest motherfucker ever? Am I?

unknown 50:10

Yep.

SPEAKER_01 50:10

I wrote that. I said he's projecting onto him when he's thinking about himself. Yeah. That's it.

SPEAKER_05 50:17

Yep.

SPEAKER_01 50:18

Um, so he's like, get everybody together! We're going to ride on Winchester, and I'm like, oh, that's such a bad idea. Stupid ball incoming. The other stupid ball. Stupid ball has been passed to Edward.

SPEAKER_04 50:30

This is one of those giant uh beach balls you see passed around at a baseball game that the umpire said. Oh, the big beach balls. Yeah, this is an extraordinarily stupid ball. We'll get to why.

SPEAKER_01 50:41

The Danes are digging up a graveyard for funsies.

SPEAKER_03 50:44

Right after Edward says raise the dead.

SPEAKER_01 50:46

Oh, look at that! It's a oh, you know there's a word for that.

SPEAKER_04 50:51

Clever.

SPEAKER_01 50:52

Was it?

SPEAKER_04 50:54

I can't remember. There's like it's like it's a rhetorical device where you show you say something and then show it, but in a different context. Okay. I can't remember. I'll take your word for it. Yeah, Mike was awesome at pointing it out. I obviously missed it.

SPEAKER_01 51:12

Brida and Wolf are arguing about it. She's like, I don't give a fuck. I am not a Christian. This means nothing to me. And you're a traitor, so get the fuck over it. He's very upsetting. Edith comes in with veggies in a basket, she's scoping everything out, and then she sees her drunk brother.

SPEAKER_04 51:30

Immediately.

SPEAKER_01 51:32

Immediately.

SPEAKER_04 51:34

She's like, oh fuck. But he didn't see her.

SPEAKER_01 51:40

Not only that, she ran there. She girl ain't even breathing hard. Carrying a basket of venues. That apparently they gathered from the woods.

SPEAKER_04 51:51

They did some scrumping.

SPEAKER_01 51:52

Did they? Scrumping?

SPEAKER_04 51:55

Do you know what is scrumping? I will tell you. I don't.

SPEAKER_01 51:58

Is this scrounging in dumpsters?

SPEAKER_04 52:00

No, it's it's like going into someone else's garden and taking their vegetables.

SPEAKER_01 52:04

That's called theft. Unless you're a fucking rabbit, that's theft. Sorry.

SPEAKER_04 52:13

I I don't mean to disappoint you.

SPEAKER_01 52:14

Scrumping.

SPEAKER_04 52:16

No, I this could be false.

unknown 52:18

Huh.

SPEAKER_04 52:19

Scrumping is the British act of stealing fruit, particularly apples from a private garden or orchard. So it uh often implies a mischievous petty theft rather than a large-scale theft. And it's historically associated with children. The term also refers to gathering windfalls, which is fruit fall into the ground.

SPEAKER_01 52:39

Gotcha.

unknown 52:40

Scrum.

SPEAKER_01 52:40

Here the deer eat those. Alright. So back to the tomb room. Back to the tomb room. Yeah. Back to the tomb room. Uh and uh Held and Stan are talking. He knows how does he know who he is? Oh, that's right, he knew who he was. He's the one who told mom about it.

SPEAKER_05 52:58

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 52:59

Yes. Okay. And he's like, Are you Ethel Stan?

SPEAKER_04 53:03

And he's like, I've been told not to answer that. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 53:07

Right. Hmm. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 53:11

And then mom comes out and she's like, get the fuck away from that kid. Get the fuck away from that.

SPEAKER_01 53:17

Who told you you could talk to that kid? He's like, I know who he is. And then Ed's wife is there.

SPEAKER_04 53:23

Well, yeah. She was kidnapping.

SPEAKER_01 53:25

She's like, well, just another best.

SPEAKER_04 53:27

Didn't I like that family anymore? I never really did.

SPEAKER_01 53:33

I don't know whose side I'm on, honestly. Between the Vikings and the Saxons, it is a toss-up for me right now. I'm gonna be fair. I'm gonna be honest.

SPEAKER_04 53:41

Who sucks more?

SPEAKER_01 53:42

Whose side I'm on?

SPEAKER_04 53:44

Yeah, well, I guess that's the uh that's the inverse of the who sucks more.

SPEAKER_01 53:48

There's good people at both sides.

SPEAKER_05 53:50

Oh, did you really just say that?

SPEAKER_04 53:52

Oh, I also wanted to mention that dur at the beginning of that recent scene where everyone's back in the in the crypt room. The tomb room, as you put it. They are brought a chamber pot. And that is the first time a chamber pot has showed up in this program.

SPEAKER_01 54:07

I thought it was a jug of water.

SPEAKER_04 54:09

Oh, hell no, because the ladies take it and go off screen because they're going to yell at each other, well, they shouldn't piss.

SPEAKER_02 54:16

Oh I think.

SPEAKER_04 54:17

I noticed they come back and mom's a little less constipated looking. She must have uncorked a wild one right after. What happened?

SPEAKER_05 54:25

And why would all the suck- Oh oh dear. Anyway.

SPEAKER_01 54:29

Last time I had raisins. Alright. Take uh so so then she takes the the young boy over to the the effigy of Alfred on top of the tomb having recently been essayed. Um starts talking about him uh and gives them the whole blah blah blah about all that matters is the kingdom, and he gave the ultimate zak by blah blah blah blah blah. And she's all pissed off about everything.

SPEAKER_04 54:55

So it's very holy patriotic at the same time, it's disgusting. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 54:59

So we cut to the final pharmacy panty, having a sip of what is most likely dysentery. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 55:10

And then but he's hanging back. Yeah, he's he's there, he's getting scolded by his boys for not being more proactive in terms of attacking Winchester.

SPEAKER_01 55:21

Right. They're like, why haven't we gotten there yet? What are we gonna do? Hey, how come we're not moving yet? And he's like, Look, I lost Father B uh Bed Bath Beyond, and I then and he doesn't say it, but we all know it. He loves these guys. He doesn't want to lose another one.

SPEAKER_04 55:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 55:37

You know, he's just that kind of sensitive man. Uh Bed Bath Beyond.

SPEAKER_04 55:41

Don't know if we'll be able to find him by the towels again.

SPEAKER_01 55:44

Correct.

SPEAKER_04 55:46

Those those little those things where it's like five towels all up there, they're fake. It's not five towels.

SPEAKER_01 55:51

I know. It's one towel shoved into a form to make it look like five folded towels. They lied to us all this time. I thought they had so many towels, they do not.

SPEAKER_04 56:01

Anyway.

SPEAKER_01 56:02

That would be a reckless amount of towels.

SPEAKER_04 56:04

A reckless amount. If that's not the episode title, I don't know what is. A reckless amount of towels.

SPEAKER_01 56:15

So turns out Wolf's drunk. Of course, he is.

SPEAKER_04 56:19

And uh Sassy Molassie, I hated the scene for so many reasons.

SPEAKER_01 56:24

He finds Diora. He knows who she is, he's been drinking, and he's like, Guess what I drinks. Have you had this friend who just tells you everything they're gonna do when they're drunk?

SPEAKER_05 56:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 56:40

I'm I'm I gotta pee, and so I'm gonna go in and I'm gonna walk into the stall. And yeah, okay.

SPEAKER_05 56:51

So I'm gonna come back home and order some of those deep-fried mushrooms. I need to snack real bad, as if I don't want to snack, I'm gonna have problems tomorrow morning. I gotta eat now, so I'm gonna get some of those and then drink some more anyway because I'm a dead buddy. Yeah! Whoa from that.

SPEAKER_04 57:10

I've been drunk before.

SPEAKER_01 57:11

So we find out that he's big upsetti, right? He's embarrassed. He's mad that his life's been shitty, basically.

SPEAKER_04 57:19

Well, Stuart is corrected in in assessing that it's all his fault.

SPEAKER_01 57:23

Yeah. She's like, it's your fault. We get another slappy slap.

SPEAKER_04 57:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 57:28

Um we've seen slapping kills. Slapping kills, guys.

SPEAKER_04 57:33

If you are a small person in a wheelchair, and you call a warrior's wife a whore, you can be slapped to death with very little effort.

SPEAKER_01 57:48

As we discovered.

SPEAKER_04 57:50

That was, in retrospect, one of the funniest things I have ever seen. Oh, he just died. The one s one slap KO. You ashamed to have struck him to death. I did not mean it. He called my wife a whore.

SPEAKER_01 58:06

Look how small he is. So Steor tells Sig about Wolf betraying and killing Red. And uh so Sig's like, oh, really? So he pulls this whole thing with there's this whole scene between Sig and Wolf where it's very preachy, I thought. Yeah, you know what's coming from. Well, he to be fair, he did not cut off Sierra's Sierra's head. So Yeah, he's like, look, we're just looking to find a homeland. We don't kill in anger, we kill out of necessity. So, you know, I am a new socialist dame. Yeah, because you know, all these other guys, they fucked up. They look at them, they're all dead, they're gone now. C Not, all those, UBA, whatever the fuck.

SPEAKER_04 59:04

This managed to piss off everybody.

SPEAKER_01 59:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 59:07

Because when it was over, he turns to Brita and she's like, You gonna drag those names through the mud? And he's like, They're dead and I'm not. Fuck you.

SPEAKER_01 59:15

Boom! Oh, yeah, oh, yeah, that was really good. So they drag him outside. They're like, Here's a man of ambition, and so they take a sword, go in through the clavicle, between the clavicle and I don't know, up there, kind of next to the neck area. You know, he basically goes down through the heart and hits the kidneys under his true, and then just for good measure, they put a couple other stabby stabbies in them, too.

SPEAKER_04 59:48

Yeah. Also, I should point out that before he is murdered, I should say executed. That wasn't a murder. Uh Edith says, Have mercy out of the crowd. And someone's like, Who's this?

SPEAKER_01 59:59

And so she runs away. Puts a murder.

SPEAKER_04 1:00:01

She runs away. He says, I don't know who that is. That's some whore. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I I I was thinking about it while it happened. I'm like, did he say that to protect her? Yes. Because if he's gone, oh, that's my sister, you should kill her too.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:15

Right, exactly. But Heston makes her out, right? And he follows her.

SPEAKER_04 1:00:20

And uh he hides her somewhere, and we don't see where. It's not in the palace, but I feel like there's uh there's like a mini stupid ball bouncing around in this area.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:30

Again, he should just kill her. This is the that's the smart move.

SPEAKER_04 1:00:34

Yeah. Oh, I'm not gonna kill you because I don't want Sig Trigger to find you. I'm like, what are you doing? Right.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:39

Whose side are you on, Aston? And then the biggest stupid the stupid bull the stupid ball super bull touchdown happens.

SPEAKER_05 1:00:51

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:53

Because Edward and his boys have shown up at the gates and they fucking bum rush it.

SPEAKER_04 1:01:03

And all the archers are just like fluck, fluck, fluck, fluck, one horseman after another, and Edward's like, yeah, get you slash at that brick wall.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:14

Here's the funniest part. As this is happening, this is not funny, but what is funny is the final Far to see Panty in like the woods watching this, going, Oh, dude. Don't do that! Oh no, oh, dude.

SPEAKER_04 1:01:32

It's kind of like you know, what a senseless waste of human life.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:36

Oh yes, oh god, no. And then he's like, run away, run away, and then we're coming back. I'm like, what the fuck is happening? He says, surrender now and avoid a massacre. And I'm like, why would they have oh yeah, he's like he's like, yeah, surrender now. I've got guys coming tomorrow. We're gonna fucking shit up. Why would why why say that? That's stupid, because why would he have tagged tonight if the dudes are showing up tomorrow? Why wouldn't he have just waited?

SPEAKER_04 1:02:09

What is he planning to do? He can't throw the horseman over the wall. He doesn't have the means to to do anything significant. So I didn't even build any ladders. Utrud comes up and goes, King, buddy, don't fucking do this. And Edward just ignores him and gets angrier and attacks his own castle. This is where I actually at the beginning of the scene when they showed up is when I stopped taking notes because I was just aghast. Like, how fucking dumb can you possibly be? That is the worst choice. And I'm not like a specialist in sieging. I have played Age of Empires, so I know how some of it works, but that's not really the point. You don't attack like that. There are better ways.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:09

Yeah, it's yeah. Right. That you know what? That's option one. If you if you option one, get yourself a dragon. If you can't get yourself a dragon, there is option two, which is you get yourself a dragon egg and you have to wait approximately 300 years before you can use, but you'll have a dragon at that point. Now this takes some time and some patience. Uh option number three is you wait until your fucking guys get there to help you, and then you formulate a plan. You make sure you got some freaking ladders to get up and over the goddamn walls, and then maybe you put some goddamn shields up so your frickin' arrows don't kill all your dudes. I mean, Udra teach them how to do the shield wall? He did.

SPEAKER_04 1:03:51

He did. Uh in fairness. Yes. They all forgot. The siege engine hadn't really properly been developed until, you know, I want to say 800 years later.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:02

Right. Well, I'm not talking about that. Just guys, you know, more dudes. But they got nothing. Shields though. Utred taught them how to use the shield wall. Yeah. To get clear.

SPEAKER_04 1:04:15

They weren't the horses don't hold.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:17

There was a whole scene. Correct me if I'm wrong.

SPEAKER_04 1:04:21

You're not.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:21

Was there not a whole scene where they used a shield wall or a shield like roof and a battering ram to get into a castle? There was indeed. Okay, jokey. Here's what I'm saying. Everyone has forgotten that? That this is a thing to do to get into a in the writer's room. There's not even a portcullis on this place. There's no there's not even a portcullis. It's just a gate.

SPEAKER_04 1:04:48

How many hit points does that gate have?

SPEAKER_01 1:04:50

Here's what I'm gonna say. Edward is a boy.

SPEAKER_04 1:04:53

He is he's an impetuous gate.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:55

He's a dumbass. So anyway, that's it. Didn't we miss anything like stupid ball?

SPEAKER_03 1:05:00

The only thing with this with the stupid ball, but I thought it was it was funny to watch uh Oot and the Final Fartersey panty going, ooh, ah, e.

SPEAKER_04 1:05:11

And that's what I said.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:12

Yeah, Brita and Sigrid Trigger sitting there bored watching them try to attack. And he's like, We've got nothing to worry about. The fool built the walls and so thick they'll stand forever.

SPEAKER_04 1:05:27

That was really funny. Just the look of Sig Trigger's face, just boredom like, oh Christ.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:32

Exactly. Thank you so much for listening, listener. Let us know you listen. You can email us at royalhighnesspod at gmail.com, and I promise you I'll read your Loyal listeners. You know how many emails I read. They're mostly in my spam folder. Uh the link should be in the five. Loops and steel plates. Yeah. Uh I do want to thank our producer.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:00

You're welcome.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:03

Thanks, Mike. I wanna thank everybody. I wanna thank our producer, Mike. Find folks over to Injured Nerves Productions. We can't wait to do it all again next week, but until then, yeah, we do love you.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:16

Bye.

SPEAKER_04 1:06:17

I'm really fond of you.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:20

Royal Highness is an Injured Nerves production. It is produced and directed by Mike Began and is available on all podcast networks. The comments and opinions expressed here are those of the hosts and their guests, and are not affiliated in any way with Netflix or the Last Kingdom series. If you would like to contact us, you can do so at RoyalHighnesspod at gmail.com. Thanks for listening. We hope you come back to listen again.