Episode 156 - Healer Baffling Turds - TLK S5E1

Eileen and Spencer embark on the final season of The Last Kingdom. While most children grow up, our main Final Farticy Panty seems to have found the fountain of youth as they have not aged a bit in the last 15 years! Brida has a little Brida and they lead a cult of volcanoes. Uht has clearly obtained a new tailor as his outfit is rockin! Will Uht find Brida? Will Siggy lose his kingdom to Brida? Will Stiorra be able to escape, and what of young Uht becoming like Varys? Will Edith stick around? Confused? You won’t be after this Blood Month episode of Royal Highness!

BONUS TRACK: stick around to the end to hear Spencer read a short story.

royalhighnesspod@gmail.com 

This podcast contains adult language and content and is rated 'M' for Mature. Listener discretion is advised.

Transcript

SPEAKER_05 0:17

The one being held liable for murder. Hey, hello, and welcome to the Highness Podcast. Or sometimes we watch George Martin shows for the first time while we're enhanced with cannabis products and then we talk about them while we're still enhanced with cannabis products. Right now we're watching The Last Kingdom on Netflix. Well, we eagerly await the uh release of House of the Dragons season three, which I don't know. Does it have a date yet? I've seen trailers, but I haven't seen a date. June date? June. It just says June still. Okay. Yeah, just June. We'll see. Just June. That was the one woman show June Cleaver used to do in her boudoir. What?

SPEAKER_08 1:15

You just make that up. Okay. That's scary.

SPEAKER_05 1:21

Okay, so the last okay, yeah. So now we watch The Last Kingdom on Netflix, so we can talk about that instead of other more dark, dark things. Hello, Spencer.

SPEAKER_08 1:33

Murder by Marshmallow.

SPEAKER_05 1:35

Yeah, Delion.

SPEAKER_08 1:39

Also, hello.

SPEAKER_05 1:40

I'll explain it if we go camping.

SPEAKER_08 1:42

Murder by Marshmallow?

SPEAKER_05 1:44

Yeah. It'll be a spooky round-the-campfire story.

SPEAKER_08 1:48

That could really happen. There was a weird marshmallow.

SPEAKER_03 1:53

I don't want to tell it from the marshmallow's perspective. It doesn't end well for the marshmallow.

SPEAKER_08 1:59

It never does.

SPEAKER_05 2:09

Okay. The Last Kingdom. Season five, episode one, titled Episode One.

SPEAKER_07 2:17

Indeed.

SPEAKER_05 2:19

Netflix says I know. It's mind-boggling, really. Netflix says, ill omens and border raids make Ultra extravigilant at his northern outposts. Uh King Sigtrigger is visited by his notorious brother Rog and Rog. There's just a lot of consonants all shoved together there.

SPEAKER_08 2:42

I think we should just call him Ron.

SPEAKER_05 2:44

I call him Rog because it's already Rog.

SPEAKER_08 2:49

I think they kept not pronouncing the G. So in my notes, he's Ron.

SPEAKER_05 2:55

Here's what happens. I find myself reading the episode more than watching the episode. Yeah. And so I didn't really pay attention to how they said it. Isn't that sad? Oh my god. We are again promised uh gore language, nudity, and violence, and we got all three kind of. I saw a blurry butt. I'm counting that.

SPEAKER_08 3:24

And uh the language I'm I I can't be sure.

SPEAKER_05 3:28

Ah, we heard turd for sure.

SPEAKER_08 3:31

Good heavens, my virgin ears. Uh oh my god, we also I mean so many jokes. We got there was so much about this episode. Earlier today, Mike sent us a text that said there's so many potential episode titles. And that is as true as it's ever been. This is I have four at least. More that could potentially, and they're all brief, just short little titles that could be, but one stands out among all of them, and I'm drawing little cat whiskers around it on my notes.

SPEAKER_05 4:07

Okay.

SPEAKER_08 4:07

What do you think it is?

SPEAKER_05 4:09

But first, mine's dumb. I'm gonna say mine first because Mike says he's got like six, and you have four. I have one. Okay, and mine is stupid, and it's full blood moon month weekend at the Renfair.

SPEAKER_08 4:24

That's pretty good.

SPEAKER_05 4:25

That's yeah, because they always have like Pirate Weekend and all that other shit.

SPEAKER_08 4:30

Steampunk weekend. Should I share mine then? Yes, please. Okay. The first one I have is Boston! Uh then the the one that I think is the best is Hump the Tall Girl. That was one of mine, yes. And then I just have written beard, but that that's really more for me.

SPEAKER_03 4:54

I literally was looking at that person going, who the fuck is that?

SPEAKER_06 5:00

Wait, which one was this? Who is this?

SPEAKER_08 5:02

That's the the guy that uh uh Edward. Uh well yeah, Edward. Edward's beard, that's what it was.

SPEAKER_06 5:10

Edward's got a beard, yeah.

SPEAKER_08 5:11

His beard was gonna be. Also, there was mysterious man with beard, also. But then the last one was Valhalla, which I'm not gonna shout because I don't want to arouse my children to kill you.

SPEAKER_06 5:23

No. Mine, mine were other than hump the tall girl. Uh too much cabbage.

SPEAKER_08 5:32

That was good too, yeah.

SPEAKER_06 5:33

More arsling than aethling. Our turds have baffled healers.

SPEAKER_08 5:40

Okay. All right, that's it. Right there.

SPEAKER_06 5:44

A boastful turd.

SPEAKER_08 5:45

Very turd-like.

SPEAKER_05 5:47

This you're very turd past.

SPEAKER_06 5:49

And St. Cuthbert in a cabbage patch, the newest cabbage patch kid.

SPEAKER_05 5:54

He's the one picking the cabbage patch kids, don't you?

SPEAKER_06 5:57

There you go. So our turds are healers, huh? Okay, there we go.

SPEAKER_08 6:02

Oh man. Healer baffling turds, man. That's just recap.

SPEAKER_05 6:12

He is Udrid blah blah blah. From his point of view, he's like, it's making me watch his kid, uh, because the other dude wants his grandkid on the throne, and the queen is sick, and Fled's taking a vow of chastity, although they totally still dig each other, but like she's taking this vow of chastity, so like we can't do anything. Uh Steora ran off with Sig, and Breda hasn't been seen since she ran off and birthed a kid, but she's probably still pretty pissed. That was the recap.

SPEAKER_08 6:48

Yeah, and I think that that nails it. And um, you know, we start with like Utred's voiceover.

SPEAKER_03 6:59

Yeah, why is Utred telling the story?

SPEAKER_08 7:02

I don't know. I mean, it kind of gives away the fact that he survived season five. But well not only that, but it's oh yay. He's not the we don't have like narrator guy. We should have narrator guy.

SPEAKER_05 7:18

No, she should have she should be shocking. Yeah, it's past. Nothing much happened. I heard there were rumors I had died and was reborn, I had a kid, she's a seer, uh the Icelanders worship us, and uh yeah, it's cool. That's what she should have said.

SPEAKER_08 7:38

Instead, she said, one of you motherfuckers gets to jump into this giant hot nipple. My kid's gonna pick which one.

unknown 7:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 7:50

So they blindfold the girl, have her walk through a crowd of Vikings. By the way, they're in Iceland.

SPEAKER_05 7:57

Yeah, so they're Icelandic Vikings.

SPEAKER_08 7:59

Yeah, and she goes, the kid goes up to some guy, grabs him by the hand, and Brita's like, and we have a winner. And he walks up to a geothermal vent and just jumps the fuck in. I just said, What the fuck?

SPEAKER_03 8:14

I thought this suck.

SPEAKER_08 8:17

Warm, very warm.

SPEAKER_03 8:19

Oh, for you know what?

SPEAKER_08 8:21

As we always say, still better than Album. Still better than Alzheimer's, yeah. And uh she's like, hey, that's it. We're gonna do a war now. Let's look for a sign. And then she turns around and there's a giant Icelandic volcano, which I will not attempt to pronounce.

SPEAKER_05 8:38

Erupting.

SPEAKER_08 8:39

Erupting, uh, coincidentally with the fact that they threw a fella in, but you know, it just so happens that geothermal event events occur simultaneously with uh volcanoes because magma.

SPEAKER_03 8:52

Yeah, she's like, hey, volcano says we're good to go, get your boats out, we're heading out.

SPEAKER_08 8:58

So all six of their boats leave.

SPEAKER_03 9:01

I was like, I was expecting a lot more. She's like, we sail to battle to save our people, and like an identifier. There's only six boats though.

SPEAKER_08 9:11

So at most you got 120 people. What are you doing? Come on.

SPEAKER_05 9:15

Yeah, then we get our uh Yololi opening.

SPEAKER_08 9:19

Yeah, well. And since I I was watching it in an interesting way, I didn't get the opportunity to skip the song.

SPEAKER_05 9:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 9:28

Woof duh that's we heard the entire an entire Faroese. Grunt and Yelp. Oh, normally it's immediately skip, skip, skip, skip, skip. Nope.

SPEAKER_05 9:37

Not listened to the whole thing. I take that opportunity to catch up on what I'd already seen. Well, that's we know it's kind of a little game I play. I hope I don't have to pause it before it comes back on. I can catch myself up. Hey, I my ADHD brain needs things to do. Or it gets highly distracted. Uh, let's see. Uh run code they're in run corn on some river, and we see Finn and just kind of digging around, and we see Utred keeping watch. And he's gone. Okay, can we talk about the fit?

SPEAKER_08 10:13

Utred's costuming in this episode was was top shelf.

SPEAKER_05 10:17

It absolutely was.

SPEAKER_08 10:19

He's turned very denerous.

SPEAKER_05 10:21

He's gotten in season five all black. He's gone full ninja, right? Full all black, the little crossover thing, you know, the cross, you know, the the kind of a jerkin. I'd call it a jerking.

SPEAKER_08 10:35

He's doing his, he's going, he's we're rocking his rocking with his jerking. I don't know.

SPEAKER_05 10:41

I don't know what it is. It's good, it's good costuming though. It looks good on him. I think it's hiding a little bit of a dad bot, honestly.

SPEAKER_08 10:49

Oh, there's no doubt about it. Yes.

SPEAKER_05 10:51

He's gone, he's gone full shatner, and he's rocking a so Udrin's keeping watch, and he's got a hunch because the air smells bad. And here's where Mike's Mike's title comes in.

SPEAKER_08 11:08

Yeah, yeah. Finn's like, Lord, you see something. Yeah, smells bad.

SPEAKER_03 11:14

If you see something, yeah, the air smells bad.

SPEAKER_08 11:20

That's you got your senses crossed, Holmes, but Oh shit. The best part of it was Finn and immediately after was like, Well, it could it could have been I eat too much cabbage.

SPEAKER_02 11:30

Yeah. Could be gas.

SPEAKER_08 11:32

And so I'm like, oh man, we're four minutes in and we already got a fart joke, and I'm pleased.

SPEAKER_03 11:37

So the next scene is a guy in a boat. So Utred and Finnan.

SPEAKER_08 11:44

Finn's been two weeks. I mean, seriously.

SPEAKER_05 11:47

Utrid and Finnan are walking along the dock and they pass by this poor fucker in a boat who's like, I just want to come to shore. And they're like, Well, you can't because you can't pay the tax. He's like, fuck. How is he going to get money? How is he going to do that by being on his boat?

SPEAKER_08 12:07

This is just like when I'm at work and and people roll up to my counter and they have too much stuff, and they're like, shit, I gotta run out to my truck and get my wallet. He's gotta run back to his castle and get his wallet, and then come back with his boat. So he can buy his bushlight.

SPEAKER_05 12:26

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_08 12:27

Or sell it. I don't know.

SPEAKER_05 12:29

I don't know. Turns out it's just the start of blood month season, and they're having a muddy red fair, basically.

SPEAKER_08 12:39

Can I ask a few questions about Blood Month?

unknown 12:42

Hmm?

SPEAKER_08 12:43

Primarily what?

SPEAKER_05 12:45

My guess is, and this is just a guess, I don't know if I'm right or not. So I'm saying that right up front. My guess is, because you could tell kind of winter's coming, right? That's what they were noticeing, right? So winter's coming.

SPEAKER_02 13:01

What?

SPEAKER_08 13:02

Sorry, winter's coming.

SPEAKER_02 13:04

Winter is coming. Don't want it. You're my queen.

SPEAKER_05 13:09

Um Animus game of their own. Sorry. Okay, so you can tell winter's coming because there's like frost on the trees or whatever the fuck in the morning. Hang on, don't tell me. I want to see if I'm right. Okay. I want to see if I'm right. Mike's Mike's looked it up. My guess is it's when they go out and do all the hunting. So they're blood, you know, there's either out hunting for meat so that they can cure it for winter. So it's the blood month because that's when they're doing all the killing. Am I right, Mike? Sort of. And so there's lots of meat, and so they can feast.

SPEAKER_06 13:43

Well, it's it re refers to an ancient Anglo-Saxon term for November. Oh. Okay. And that's when you hunt.

SPEAKER_05 13:51

Go on.

SPEAKER_06 13:52

And then it also, and then uh later on in the episode, Anatomy Priest says something about it coordinating with uh Saint Martin's Mass, St. Mart or Martin Mass, which is uh St. Martin's Day, which was starting in um on what we call Halloween now. Oh, so it's late October, early November. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 14:13

Okay, that's when you hunt. That's when you hunt. Yes. That's because that's yeah, you're storing. And they had on that a couple of scenes where you just saw a bunch of pig heads all lined up, and there was a scene where they were, you know, Stan was going out hunting in the woods. Yep, yeah, dressed uh in his furry outfit, which looked good, I thought. It was nice.

SPEAKER_06 14:34

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was another title, uh uh Father Anatomy.

SPEAKER_05 14:40

Father Anatomy. Bishop Anatomy. Thank you very much. Bishop Anatomy.

SPEAKER_08 14:44

It was Father, Father Benedict was his name. And he named all the parts.

SPEAKER_05 14:50

He did name all the parts, including the intestines. The bowels. He was entertaining, at least. If I've got to listen to that bullshit, at least it's gotta be entertaining. That's all I gotta say.

SPEAKER_08 15:03

Well, I know the reason he was entertaining is because he was hoisted while it was going on.

SPEAKER_06 15:10

They didn't hide the strong ale, clearly. Uh they didn't.

SPEAKER_05 15:14

Oh, right. This is to hide the strong ale.

SPEAKER_06 15:17

That was pretty great.

SPEAKER_05 15:18

Okay, so all right. We see them taking Stan off into the woods with his friends to go kill something, and the there's two girls fighting over chicken wing? Like Yes. And they're like, what is it about you? He's like, I don't know. I I can guess.

SPEAKER_08 15:39

He just kind of runs. He's probably, he's probably a good way to describe this. Podrick like.

SPEAKER_05 15:52

That's what I'm thinking.

SPEAKER_08 15:53

That's yeah. Hung like a moose.

SPEAKER_05 15:56

Okay, my next sentence was Edith and Finn. Wait, that's a different person playing Edith.

SPEAKER_08 16:03

That's not Edith.

SPEAKER_05 16:04

That's not Edith. We find out later it's not her. But she acts a lot like her. She's just a little more blonde.

SPEAKER_08 16:10

And a lot more Irish, too.

SPEAKER_06 16:12

And she even had the blue cloak that Edith always weared. Edith is slapping somebody, but then it wasn't.

SPEAKER_05 16:18

Yeah. All right.

SPEAKER_08 16:20

Yeah, so that's Ingrid. No, because it's her name.

SPEAKER_05 16:23

Yeah. Everybody ends with it or wooled. Or it starts with Athel or it ends in Ith.

SPEAKER_08 16:30

Well, there's two new characters in this episode that we really need to be made aware of. And one of them is Kinlaith, who's a little Welshman, who's a friend of the the final part of C Panny. Yep. And then there's Brussel, who is the unknown bearded man. And Rog. And Roger. Also a new character. Who I thought was one guy playing the same part until I noticed he was six inches shorter. In fact, I wrote twin and then immediately went and looked it up. And I'm like, no! Crossed off twin. I thought he looked a lot like Sig Trigger.

SPEAKER_05 17:07

Well, it's his brother.

SPEAKER_08 17:08

Yeah, well, they picked a good guy. I thought it was just I thought it was just the same guy. So dumb.

SPEAKER_05 17:16

The reference I just made is so old. What did you say? I was talking about. I was thinking one of the first YouTube videos, I want to say. With I did not know I had a brother.

SPEAKER_03 17:30

Oh my god, you killed my brother. Anyway, uh come with me, friends.

SPEAKER_05 17:40

Tell my psychosis. Alright, so Utrecht decides he's gotta be Manly Manly, can't give up the uh hunting in the woods. And so he goes out and they're all looking for a hog to kill. They're yelling, Mere Piggy Piggy, blah blah blah.

SPEAKER_08 17:56

Well, it's Ethel's fan's first hunt.

SPEAKER_05 17:58

Right. And of course, like I said, he's wearing his his free outfit. He's got what look appears to be a deer.

SPEAKER_08 18:06

Yeah, he's got the Lionel Baratheon hat going for him.

SPEAKER_05 18:09

Yes, he certainly does. He does have the staghorns gone.

SPEAKER_08 18:13

Except he didn't bother putting them on a helmet. He just put the head right on his head.

SPEAKER_05 18:18

Just wearing that head like a head. Like a hat. Just wearing that head like a hat. How did they notice Stan was missing? Because they were all spread out. It was foggy as fuck. They couldn't see each other to start with. Why on earth did Wetzzybaka just start going, hey, where's Stan?

SPEAKER_02 18:39

Stan, Stan.

SPEAKER_08 18:42

Maybe he wrote up ahead. I made a note here, first of all. Uh kings shouldn't hunt wild boar. Oh, right. We did learn that in Game of Thrones. Yeah, like, oh no. We're having a Bobby Baratheon moment here.

SPEAKER_05 18:57

Oh no!

SPEAKER_08 18:59

Uh well. Although Ethel Stan isn't a king yet, obviously.

SPEAKER_05 19:03

But he is surrounded and knocked out. I thought he was knocked out cold, but turns out, uh-uh, he's fighting back pretty fucking good. Oh yeah. Two guys. So there's a guy up on a ridge watching all this happen. This is the guy you said was mysterious guy, right?

SPEAKER_08 19:18

Yeah, this is uh Br Brussel. Um, that's beard ambush, is what I wrote in my notes here.

SPEAKER_05 19:24

Beard ambush, nice.

SPEAKER_08 19:25

Because that guy was beard, and I could have sworn there were four men there.

SPEAKER_05 19:29

I could have too. I thought he beat the crap. I wrote he he he he uh kicks three guys' ass.

SPEAKER_08 19:36

Well, it would it turns out he did, and this is uh continuity error because later when Brussels is talking to Ethelhelm or whatever the fuck, he says, I lost two of my best men. But during the recovery of Ethelstan, you took down two men, three men. He said you know, Utrud says, three men, we saw three men.

SPEAKER_05 20:04

Oh, right, but he took down two, they saw three.

SPEAKER_08 20:08

I lost three of my two of my best men and one guy who was shit. Is maybe unspoken in that conversation.

SPEAKER_05 20:16

I didn't think that.

SPEAKER_08 20:18

I don't know, that's the problem. I have no idea.

SPEAKER_05 20:21

Three men, but two of them died. This is one of those tricky like math word problems. Yeah. If you've got three men and two of them kick ass, but one's a real dick, how many guys does it take? The doctor was a woman. Oh my god, that is I didn't see that coming. All the rest of the children are daughters. All right. Uh oh, you know what was cool is that he did kill that last guy with part of his costume.

SPEAKER_08 20:53

That's also true, which is badass.

SPEAKER_05 20:56

That is pretty badass. That's thinking ahead.

SPEAKER_08 20:58

That's yeah. I should bring a pointy hat just in case. Always wear your pointiest hats, children.

SPEAKER_05 21:06

And here's the thing. They kill Did you just say always wear your pointiest hats?

SPEAKER_08 21:14

Yeah, your pointiest hats in case you have to defend yourself against creeps. Did you ever Did I say something offensive without saying without knowing it? Good, because sometimes that happens. Mike is pissing himself over there. I don't I just I was wear your pointiest hats, children.

SPEAKER_05 21:34

Point pointy hats. So did your kids ever read the book I Want My Hat Back?

SPEAKER_08 21:39

I've never heard of this creature. Is this something I need to read?

SPEAKER_05 21:43

I my I blame books like this for my children's sense of humor. Not blame uh a credit. My children's sense of humor to the books that we read to them as children, and one of them is I want my hat back. Is it a long book? No, it's a children's book. It's got like 10 words per page, perhaps.

SPEAKER_08 22:01

My God. Do I need to read this out loud to everyone? I found a PDF.

SPEAKER_05 22:09

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_08 22:10

How are we doing this?

SPEAKER_05 22:11

Maybe we can add it at the end. You can add it at the end, but it's okay. So chicken wings calling him a bastard. Okay. He says, see, I can take in three guys. Let me fight. And he's like, nope, nobody's concerned about the bodies just being there though. Everybody just like they kill the guys and then they just like, oh well, let's go. They really do yuck it up. Hey, you killed three guys. Way to go.

SPEAKER_03 22:37

Let's go get drunk. These guys probably aren't quite dead yet.

SPEAKER_05 22:40

They can still hear them. Yeah, so kick that guy's ass. Look at him.

SPEAKER_08 22:45

Ooh, he's bleeding out of gurgling blood through a throat wound. I want some anybody, buddy. Oh shit. You've been stabbed by a horn.

unknown 22:57

Oh, horn.

SPEAKER_08 22:58

That's gonna smart. Right in right in the mushy part of the body there.

SPEAKER_05 23:04

Even if he lives, you know what kind of gunk was on that antler? That's gonna be a big one.

SPEAKER_08 23:09

There was probably on it. You know what that results in.

SPEAKER_05 23:12

Sepsis or tetanus. Or both. Why choose?

SPEAKER_08 23:18

Yeah, any kind of permanently infectious bacterial infection. That sounds fun.

unknown 23:23

All right.

SPEAKER_05 23:24

How old do we think Stan is here?

SPEAKER_08 23:26

Who? Stan, Ethel Stan. Uh he's probably well, based on the age of uh Breda's creepy child. I would say uh and and I I assume at the end of the last season, Ethel Stan was probably six or seven. He's probably fifteen.

SPEAKER_05 23:49

Okay, that is what I put him at as well. I said he's like what, like fifteen, and there's like I'm ready to go to battle. I'm practically an old man.

SPEAKER_08 23:57

Yeah, well, you know, this is a time in history when 15 was above average, so yeah.

SPEAKER_05 24:02

Well, that's not true, actually.

SPEAKER_08 24:05

I'm making things up.

SPEAKER_05 24:06

This is this podcast is nothing but lies.

SPEAKER_06 24:08

And of course, you know, all the kids grew up and aged, but the final pharmacy panty, not a one of them aged at all.

SPEAKER_05 24:15

Oh no, if anything, Finn is looking younger.

SPEAKER_08 24:19

I think actually Aethelflaid got more gray, and that's about as close as we get. They gave her they gave her a little more gray.

SPEAKER_05 24:30

Were any of you ready for the jump scare?

SPEAKER_08 24:33

Which jump scare?

SPEAKER_05 24:34

Okay, well, which what?

SPEAKER_08 24:37

Because there was a few.

SPEAKER_05 24:39

All right. So there's a weird scene where Utrud is watching the birds, like those starlings that move in those big patterns, and they just like start falling out of the sky dead. Like just she's being shout. I said, So help me. If one of those has three eyes, I'm out. I'm done.

SPEAKER_08 25:02

No, goddamn it, Bren. You're everywhere. No, what I was thinking was it would have been really funny if he'd have just gone fin and you and your cabbage. Spartan birds out of the air.

SPEAKER_05 25:15

I told you the air was bad. There was a very odd framed scene of coming into the castle. This is clearly a drone shot coming in. What was with the dude cleaning his pits in the in the like horse trough? Off to the right. What was going on?

SPEAKER_08 25:38

I you know, this is this is when they're going the the camera is following into Efrowitz, right? Yeah. Right. And there's a there's a some Danish guy scrubbing his his his bits. Why did he show up? Verisimilitude, that's why.

SPEAKER_05 25:57

This is this that's just enough money for they had enough money from one drone shot. This and this PA knew it.

SPEAKER_08 26:08

Hey, hey, when we're doing the drone shot, I want you to scrub your armpits.

SPEAKER_05 26:13

No, no. This PA made that decision. He's like, I don't have a costume.

SPEAKER_03 26:17

I know. I'm getting on to this show one way or another.

SPEAKER_08 26:22

And then they get done and they look at the dailies and they go, Dennis, you fucked. We only rented the drone for an hour.

SPEAKER_02 26:30

Dennis isn't the good and going, you were the I got on the show.

SPEAKER_08 26:35

I got on the show. Ha ha we can only do one take. Ha ha ha.

SPEAKER_03 26:40

Oh man. Okay. I have no idea what's going on anymore.

SPEAKER_08 26:46

Well, we're we're going to we're going to York or Eperwitch or whatever, and as we we we drone in, we see the guy from Whiterun preaching about Talos, talking to a load of shit.

SPEAKER_06 27:01

Did either of you get the meaning of life Monty Python reference? Here I'll play it for you. Oh, please.

SPEAKER_01 27:08

At this time, a friend shall lose his friend's hammer. And the young shall not know where lie the things possessed by their fathers that their fathers put there only just the night before.

SPEAKER_03 27:25

So that's not what he says, is it?

SPEAKER_06 27:33

No, but he's they just they're just judging over him. And he's just and then there was the woman in the thing Amajiggy with the Hoozets, and then they just flew past him. And I I was waiting for another one on the other side to you know be proselytizing something different.

SPEAKER_05 27:50

It's definitely the most boring act at the Ren Fair. You'll always get a seat. Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 27:56

And and the There's probably like five or six people sitting there listening to him, and they're like, this guy just does not shut up.

SPEAKER_05 28:02

Yeah, and the performer will interact with you and it will be uncomfortable for both of you.

SPEAKER_07 28:07

You there, sitting in the crowd, are you enjoying the sermon?

SPEAKER_05 28:11

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_07 28:12

Do you feel the power of the Lord in your bones and your in your intestines, in your shoulder, and your lips and your eyes? We'll do the whole body. There'll be more later. I promise you'll enjoy it.

SPEAKER_08 28:25

I'm not drinking. That's the terrifying bit. I'm just dull.

SPEAKER_05 28:31

So Sig, Sig and Stear are playing house at Jorvick, and then we see Rog outside.

SPEAKER_08 28:43

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_05 28:45

Yelling at the preacher. He's a man of peace now, apparently drunk, and he wants to come in. And you know, it's that moment. Stiora Stiora and Sig have that moment. Now, we've all had that moment where your significant other's least of favorite of your shows up. Right?

SPEAKER_08 29:13

Oh, yeah. Yes. Well God. It's not actually. That's the funny thing. It's not the member of her family. It's a spouse of someone in her family.

SPEAKER_05 29:24

Yep.

SPEAKER_08 29:25

And they're there, and you're like, ah, is she ever gonna stop talking?

SPEAKER_05 29:31

Can do we have to invite them in?

SPEAKER_08 29:34

Does she have to yell everything she says?

SPEAKER_05 29:36

Oh, oh, oh, oh. Did we throw away those COVID tests? Can we fake those?

SPEAKER_08 29:44

I'm just I've got a little I can't smell. Oh god.

SPEAKER_05 29:48

Oh no. I can smell you though. That's not good.

SPEAKER_08 29:52

Yeah, you should probably wash your butt. Go out in the barrel outside the gates and wash your eyes. Dennis left a little water in the bucket.

SPEAKER_05 30:00

Dennis. God damn it, Dennis. Um basically she's like, fine, you can let him in. I'll warn the serving women.

SPEAKER_08 30:11

Yeah. If she does anything bad, I will if he does anything bad, I will cut his hands off myself. She says to the deaf girl, the deaf girl who uses ASL.

SPEAKER_05 30:27

Somebody please, somebody please explain it to me.

SPEAKER_08 30:31

Somebody how long ago was sign language a thing.

SPEAKER_05 30:34

I don't know. I I imagine if we ever get any listeners, they'll be giving us hate mail now about, you know, whenever somebody catches up to this episode, they'll be like, Well, yeah, they had to have somewhere to talk to. No, they didn't. They would just put them in an institution. This person is clearly stupid because I'm talking to them all day long, and they're just going, so you know, what are you gonna do?

SPEAKER_08 30:56

Oh, I we're gonna correct ourselves right the fuck now.

SPEAKER_05 31:01

Okay.

SPEAKER_08 31:02

Deaf deaf people have been using sign language forever.

SPEAKER_03 31:07

Okay, that's what I pretty much guessed.

SPEAKER_08 31:09

Records of sign language from the fifth century BC in Plato's Cratylus, where Socrates says, quote, if we hadn't a voice or a tongue and wanted to express things to one another, why wouldn't we try to make signs by moving our hands, head, and the rest of our body? Just as dumb people do at present, that dumb being the way it's unable to speak. Yeah, but not like dumb people that surround us, those are Americans. I'm sorry. Um anyway. Anyhow, the horror it's just kind of I made a note about it because it threw me off. I was not you I was not prepared to see. Yeah, so that's what I said.

SPEAKER_05 31:49

I wasn't either, but yes, thank you for the correction. I totally own up to that. I I kind of had the feeling as I was saying, I was like, no, this isn't right. I knew that he had to have some way to communicate.

SPEAKER_08 31:58

Yeah, well, I I had to look it up for our benefit because it sounded it sounded looks strange to me.

SPEAKER_05 32:04

But uh they're getting oh, and they're getting a priest, yay!

SPEAKER_08 32:08

Oh um wait, who is um they already have a priest out in the courtyard. We're still talking about Stora and Sig Trigger, yeah? Or is this a good one?

SPEAKER_05 32:17

But then that scene ended with Stora doing sign language. Oh, yeah. And then there's so now we're back, yes. A boat shows up and they're getting a priest. Uh Utrud and those guys. It was weird. They think Breed is showing up.

SPEAKER_08 32:31

Yeah. Oh no, someone's coming.

SPEAKER_05 32:34

Were they getting ready to fight?

SPEAKER_08 32:36

They were getting ready to protect the village, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 32:39

Yeah. But they weren't taking it very seriously. Because they were like kind of all on the hillside there doing the Monty Python bit there.

SPEAKER_08 32:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 32:48

I actually had that written down before Mike mentioned 95 on earlier. I was like, whoa.

SPEAKER_08 32:52

You know, their their oeuvre covers a lot of things.

SPEAKER_05 32:55

Their ouvre. That's a very fancy word, Spencer.

SPEAKER_08 33:01

Thank you.

SPEAKER_05 33:01

Oh my god, was that French?

SPEAKER_08 33:04

Yeah, I kind of hate that I said a French word.

SPEAKER_03 33:07

Doesn't it mean egg?

SPEAKER_08 33:10

Kinda. It's not oof, but it's close.

SPEAKER_09 33:17

They're whole eggs.

SPEAKER_08 33:18

Okay. Um, so they prepare the sh they prepare to defend the village, and instead, um the best part of this is that is Utrud stands on the dock and he puts his hand up to his eyes as though his hand is like a telescope that only works when it's right there. And he goes, Hey my gotta eat it. Is that Edith? Sure is eat it. And she's like, hey, we're just villagers looking to trade with this big stupid grin on her face. Instead, I go, Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy, oh boy, it's my pals. Here's where I wrote, Oh, that other girl wasn't Edith.

SPEAKER_05 33:52

Surprise. And there's just a really long scene with just reunions, and they're talking about how everyone's changed, but Udred's still the same. In fact, he looks, you know, nine years later, he looks exactly the same. Huh. And and maybe a little dad bod, but you don't know.

SPEAKER_08 34:10

We get to meet uh uh everyone's wives, except Osberth and Utrid, who continue Osberth is is a horn dog.

SPEAKER_05 34:21

Holy cow, we had the ladies fighting over him.

SPEAKER_08 34:24

Yeah, and now he's always like, I'm not married either. Like, no one's gonna be able to do it. Isn't he supposed to be a priest? He's a holy man, but not anymore. Oh he was. He's been with these assholes for so long that all he thinks about now is cutting people in half, drinking, and pussy.

SPEAKER_05 34:40

So reunions, everyone's changed, but Udrid's still the same. Uh Stan's gonna go off with the boys, but not before getting talking to from Udred about, you know, keeping your pants and whatever.

SPEAKER_08 34:52

Because I told your dad I would tell you not to do stuff. Be good.

SPEAKER_05 34:56

So Finn's like, so he and Finn have a moment, he's like, uh, so I don't know if you notice, but uh Edith is back and uh awkward.

SPEAKER_08 35:07

Yeah, because he's now married and still has a crush on Edith.

SPEAKER_05 35:10

Or Finn is like, my wife's noticed. I mean, it's gotta be bad, buddy, for my wife to have picked up on the fact that you be like a big downer these days. Everything's fine.

SPEAKER_08 35:24

You just need to get loved. Normally, normally, I think you should know you're you my wife pretty dim, but she picked up on that one.

SPEAKER_05 35:34

Uh so I think you should you should hump the tall girl.

SPEAKER_08 35:41

I don't know about that.

SPEAKER_05 35:42

I don't know. Was she really that tall?

SPEAKER_08 35:46

She was taller than the woman she was standing next to. I don't know.

SPEAKER_05 35:49

I think that was it though. I think the girl next to her was quite small.

SPEAKER_08 35:54

Tall girl.

SPEAKER_05 35:56

I don't know. Maybe she's just tall comparatively. Who knew?

SPEAKER_08 35:59

I mean, she's not she's not, you know, stampa tall. That'd be weird.

SPEAKER_05 36:06

So brother of Sig is sleeping in the soup, Rog, and Oh god, this fucking guy. We get another Deaf Serving Girl scene. But hey, it turns out the brother is faking being drunk. Right? Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_08 36:22

He's faking everything, he's being a complete piece of shit.

SPEAKER_05 36:27

He wants to talk to Sig privately. Stiora's like, uh-uh-uh-uh. Uh-uh. Anything you got to say to him, you can say this right in front of me too. And then Sig's like, baby, baby, just hold on. It's fine. I'm just gonna hang with my bro for a few hours, and we're gonna talk this shit out.

SPEAKER_08 36:45

And then it's totally not gonna backfire on us later on, don't worry.

SPEAKER_05 36:50

Right. Well, he's later on, Steor is pissed that he agreed to meet with them. Oh, didn't he totally fine? You we see him coming through the trollolo guys, uh trellises.

SPEAKER_08 37:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 37:11

Um, listening intently to what they're saying.

SPEAKER_08 37:14

And then he goes and dips his face in a basin to get all the soup off. Although that was pretty gross when Sig Trigger was wiping the soup off his face. I was like, ew.

SPEAKER_05 37:27

No, see, that was the moment. Nope, that's the moment. That's the moment you knew he would do anything for his brother. So he was gonna be a total, total weakling in this whole thing.

SPEAKER_08 37:39

Because he was wiping the soup.

SPEAKER_05 37:42

Yep. Wiping the soup. It's a it's the standard. It's in the it's in all the medical books. It'll say right there. That's how you know somebody is gonna lose.

SPEAKER_08 37:52

I think this is they wipe off soup. This is a trend we should start. Did you see you see what happened? Dennis is gonna be the character. Dennis. See what happened to Dennis? God damn, you totally wiped the soup. He totally wiped the soup. He's gonna roll over like nothing because he wiped the soup. We gotta get that into the lexicon. No one's gonna fucking use it because it's really niche, but it'd be kind of fun. Uh, wiping the soup. Look out.

SPEAKER_05 38:20

If we ever get famous, that'll be a t-shirt. He wiped the soup off. He wiped the soup. Along with I am wet. I'm wet! And I'm the tall girl. I am wet! He starts after he washes his face, of course. He does the thing with the white markings like Breeda's dudes. I'm like, he's one of Brita's dudes.

SPEAKER_08 38:46

Yeah. Also, the captions gave it away by saying singing Icelandic.

unknown 38:51

Ah. Okay.

SPEAKER_05 38:56

Foraging for things that she's sniffing.

SPEAKER_08 38:59

Well, she did claim that in Francia she had training in the in the healing arts.

SPEAKER_05 39:05

Right. But why is she sneaking? Why is she all heidi hidey about it? And she comes back into town, she's just sneaking through town. I'm thinking, what what is going on?

SPEAKER_08 39:19

There was no reason for it. I wonder that. That's a really good question. Why would she sneak?

SPEAKER_05 39:24

And then why is she sneaky sneaky? And then she goes back to her to her room.

SPEAKER_06 39:29

I guess you can just trade rooms with people all the time. Surprise. And in keeping up with the sneaky sneaky, she goes to the door and she looks both ways before going in. It's like, why? And everyone knows where you're betting down. Right.

SPEAKER_05 39:43

Wait a minute.

SPEAKER_08 39:45

Wait, no. What?

SPEAKER_05 39:46

Was she planning to meet somebody in there? And then he was in there instead?

SPEAKER_06 39:52

No. That was the that was the tall girl's hut.

SPEAKER_05 39:56

I know. But then I'm just wondering if she's swapped with the tall girl because she was meeting somebody there that she didn't want other people to know about.

SPEAKER_06 40:05

We don't get a plot line around that, so yeah. That one was a little bit more.

SPEAKER_05 40:08

I am totally making up shit. That's way more interesting than what actually happened, which is she just she walks in, Utrud's in her bed. Now Utrud thought this was the troll tall girl's room. So he just went in, got himself naked, got into her bed and waited to for her. Like, hey there, girl.

SPEAKER_08 40:31

It was a different time.

SPEAKER_05 40:33

No, I'm sorry. Um then there was that other girl who said, anytime you want, why didn't he go to her bed?

SPEAKER_08 40:42

Yeah, that was funny. You can kick my ass whenever you want. Like that's a weird thing to say.

SPEAKER_05 40:47

Yes, but it shows that she's interested at least. They haven't even like talked to the I don't know.

SPEAKER_08 40:53

I don't know. I I can't claim to understand the thought processes of an eighth-century woman.

SPEAKER_06 40:58

Now remember, they've been in this town for seven years. So I'm sure Oot knows who the tall girl is. Yeah. Right. I'm sure they have some sort of established relationship.

SPEAKER_05 41:08

Then why is he still calling her the fucking tall girl and not by her whatever name her?

SPEAKER_08 41:13

They didn't want to give her a name because then they'd have to pay the actress. I'm sorry to be the the fucking jerk here, but that's what it is.

SPEAKER_05 41:23

Man, I thought it was if she had lines. Anyway, okay.

SPEAKER_08 41:26

Yeah, that's part of it too.

SPEAKER_05 41:29

But I was really hoping that this wasn't what was planned. Was that supposed to set up that Utrid was there and they were meeting and it was gonna be a lover's thing between her and Utrid, but then it was just all playful and funny? I think they fucked it up. I don't know. I don't know.

SPEAKER_08 41:43

It's too weird.

SPEAKER_05 41:45

I know. Anyway, she kicks him out, and I'm glad that they didn't sleep together because that would have been weird. Cut to flef flu praying along the trail. Apparently, there are little places you can light a candle and just pray away. And um, wait, wait. Here was the jump scare.

SPEAKER_08 42:01

You forgot to mention that Utrud at one point gets up to leave the room he's in, and Edith totally checks out his butt.

SPEAKER_05 42:10

Right. Well, through a gauzy curtain, because we know that wasn't his real butt. That may have been his actual butt. I don't know.

SPEAKER_08 42:18

Remember, we saw his butt last season when he got re-bab re-re-rebaptized. You don't know that was his actual butt.

SPEAKER_05 42:24

Could have been a butt double. To use a stunt butt? You can use a stunt butt. It was taken from behind. Can I use a stunt butt? You would have to use a stunt butt, I meant. Thank you so very much. As would I. I'm just saying. Nobody wants to see that. Nobody wants to. Stunt butt required. Stunt butt required on my end, for sure.

SPEAKER_08 42:45

Yeah, my I'd I'd rather have a stunt butt.

SPEAKER_05 42:48

Yeah. Really? I mean, come on. Who wouldn't want to have a stunt butt?

SPEAKER_08 42:53

Well, then I'd have to go through my life where people are like, man, I saw his butt in that movie, and it was just top shelf. And I'm like, nah, I want my butt. My butt's horrible.

SPEAKER_05 43:03

All you'd have to do is see me in a pair of jeans and go that was not that woman's butt. Because I have no butt. I have no no but I am just leg to torso. That's it. Just a straight line. Yep. The old Irish butt. Very good. Yes, I do. I have the old Irish German butt. Moving on.

SPEAKER_08 43:29

Uh the the party is is is pretty okay. This is and this is where mom jump scares. That was yeah. That was why I don't know if Mike, you were listening. When I was watching the show, I said, What is she still alive? Yes. I wrote that in my notes too. Because I'm like, isn't she supposed to have been dead? Didn't she die? And then she's all like silly this season. She's like good.

SPEAKER_05 43:58

She's got a new lease on life, don't you know? She's she knows that the kids are alive and healthy and well. And so yeah.

SPEAKER_06 44:05

Well, clearly they renewed her contract. Yeah. I guess so. Because we were left thinking that she was dying from the purple flowers in the garden.

SPEAKER_08 44:16

I wonder if I wonder if perhaps she she was like, listen, I will come back, but I cannot be a heartless bitch for another season. So make me goofy at the very least, and then I'll come back and pretend that everything is fine.

SPEAKER_04 44:35

So our tests audiences, what they said, dear, is that you're playing it a little too rough. We need you a little softer. We need you a little more Mary Poppins. Could I do that? And a little less Crewella Deville.

SPEAKER_07 44:49

Lucky hijinx, it is. I shall show people my tongue and make fun of the priest.

SPEAKER_05 44:55

Yeah, mom's much better now. Um, and they are the ones bringing the new priest to rum coffee or wherever the fuck they're going. And Bowl Cut still has a terrible haircut, even nine years later. Are you talking about? Slightly better. Hairstyles change so fast. Nine years. Nine years. Well, I've had the same hairstyle for more than nine years. I should have.

SPEAKER_08 45:18

Do you think that that cultural fads came and went faster before mass media?

SPEAKER_05 45:28

Hmm. I really don't know.

SPEAKER_08 45:30

Because nine years could be like I imagine, imagine if back in the 900s the 6'7 fad started. It would have been going until 750.

SPEAKER_05 45:44

Nights just clank, clank 6'7.

SPEAKER_08 45:48

My gauntlets indicate six and also seven. Actually, they're walking around going, V I I, V I, I, I. That would be seven eight though, wouldn't it?

SPEAKER_05 46:01

V I, V I, I. That's fine.

SPEAKER_03 46:09

Oh man, are we through this?

SPEAKER_08 46:11

No.

SPEAKER_05 46:11

Oh man, we're running.

SPEAKER_08 46:13

We're nearly there.

SPEAKER_05 46:18

Cut to Utred waking up alone uh as Fled is rolling into town. Also, Stan's friend Sinleaf.

SPEAKER_08 46:32

Kinliff.

SPEAKER_05 46:34

It's spelled Sinleaf. I don't know how to act because it doesn't start with Athel or end in Ith.

SPEAKER_08 46:42

So well, you know, what are you gonna do?

SPEAKER_05 46:45

He helps does he help Ethel Fled down or the daughter?

SPEAKER_08 46:50

Elfwyn. The daughter. Elfwin.

SPEAKER_05 46:53

Win, right.

SPEAKER_08 46:54

Yes. Who is now grown up.

SPEAKER_05 46:57

Well, she's nine years older. Sure. Well, yeah, she'd be around 20 then, wouldn't she? Because she was about 11. Yeah, okay. They have so uh Fled and Udred have a little meet in the courtyard, and they she says two summers have passed.

SPEAKER_08 47:10

Since they last saw each other.

SPEAKER_05 47:12

Okay, because at this point I was like, wait, I'm confused because that baby got really big in two years.

SPEAKER_08 47:18

No, no, no, no, no. Two years since they last saw each other. Okay.

SPEAKER_05 47:22

But it's been we didn't see that interaction, sweet ones.

SPEAKER_08 47:25

Anywhere from five to seven years since Brito gave birth under that tree in a very gross way. One can assume all the childbirth we've ever seen doing this podcast has been horrible and I hate it.

SPEAKER_05 47:36

No, no, the best is still demon cleaf.

SPEAKER_08 47:39

Well, that's kind of funny. Is that stare? Oh god.

SPEAKER_05 47:49

Okay, so Bowl Cut is filling them in on the fact that Father Benedict is a gambler and a drinker, so they sent him to Utrid because he really can't do any damage there. Because the, you know, what's he gonna do?

SPEAKER_08 48:04

Yeah, we have no need for a priest. Oh, but you're getting one, and he likes bodies.

SPEAKER_05 48:10

And he's gonna tell you all about the parts he likes. It was like the worst episode of Mr. Body ever.

SPEAKER_08 48:20

Heads, shoulders, knees on toes, knees on toes. Why didn't he just do that?

SPEAKER_05 48:27

That's because that's only four, and he knows more than that.

SPEAKER_08 48:30

He does know a lot more than that.

SPEAKER_05 48:32

We see mom and fleh fleh fleh talking about Stan and how he fought off three people.

SPEAKER_07 48:39

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_05 48:40

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_07 48:41

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_05 48:42

And we see Wynn flirting with Sinlif Clint Clint Lif Lif Lif Lif Clin and giggling.

SPEAKER_08 48:50

And um well, mommy ain't having any of that.

SPEAKER_05 48:53

Well, cut to Bullcut and Utred talking about the raiders that are like hanging out in the waters, um, and how they're just like killing folks for fun. They're not like looting the ships or anything, they're just like killing them and going, that's just for fundries. We don't have any stuff. Yeah, but we like corpses. Weird. I listened to a podcast today talking about the making of Apocalypse Now. Oh god. And it is it, I believe it is one of the podcasts you and I both listen to, so you'll need to listen to it. We'll give them a plug. Uh, a citation needed. I haven't listened to that episode yet. Ah, it's very good.

SPEAKER_08 49:35

Anyway. Hey, if we're gonna talk about podcasts, I have to very briefly say a knowledge fight has ended. And that's a sad thing. Thanks, Dan and Jordan. You were great.

SPEAKER_05 49:45

Uh, all right. We're in Winchester and they had the deepest rut in the middle of the Renfare. That's a liability. This is the guy that was. Oh, this was the guy that this is a mystery guy. This mystery guy who was with the two guys that stand in the middle.

SPEAKER_08 50:00

This is the the beard, the the the first mystery beard.

SPEAKER_05 50:04

Yes.

SPEAKER_08 50:05

Although this one was real. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_05 50:08

And this is Helm? Is this Ethelhelm?

SPEAKER_08 50:11

Yes.

SPEAKER_05 50:12

Talking to him?

SPEAKER_08 50:13

Dr. Mr. House?

SPEAKER_05 50:14

Yes. He's like, Well, things didn't exactly go as planned. He's like, Well, if you've got the silver eye, I can come up with a new plan. And he's like, Too soon. I'll call you. Don't call me, I'll call you.

SPEAKER_08 50:29

Meanwhile, talk some good shit about my grandson Elfweird.

SPEAKER_03 50:35

Weird? Elfweird.

SPEAKER_08 50:38

That's such a bad name. And then cut to cousin Elf Dingus.

SPEAKER_05 50:46

Cut to a total stranger that I have never seen before walking down the hall. And I'm like, who is this person? I feel like I this seems like an important person. Who is this?

SPEAKER_03 50:59

It's fucking Edward and his beard. And his beard. He's a very manly manly beard.

SPEAKER_08 51:05

Oh, it's bad. It's so bad. What they said was, listen, um, I'm gonna need you to go put your hands in some paste and then grab as much of this curly orange hair and fashion it into a mustache and beard. Make sure you get sideburns. Make sure it's not in it's got it's got look patchy, but don't get any paste on your face. Just make sure this clumps fucking horrible.

SPEAKER_05 51:38

This was if you would if you had asked AI to make the king from Burger King a homeless crack. A homeless crack addict.

SPEAKER_08 51:48

Wait, you don't think the Burger King is a homeless crack addict? All he eats is Burger King.

SPEAKER_05 51:54

Hey man, the person running our country eats nothing but McDonald's.

SPEAKER_08 51:58

Burger King is vastly better. Just saying. I agree.

SPEAKER_05 52:02

I don't like that the Burger King where we live is sketchy as fuck. So we still have really good breakfast. Anyway. Uh booby doop boop.

SPEAKER_08 52:13

That's definitely part of the show. So they're they're um weird has come of age.

SPEAKER_05 52:19

And tell me he looks like if Brand could walk, but was even more emo.

SPEAKER_08 52:25

Yep, that's really accurate. And he's part of this gathering where the queen, whose name eludes me because I hate her and I don't care. With Ethelwith? I don't know. It don't matter. But he's she's entertaining guests to do matchmaker. Eth Whiffleball. She's she's playing matchmaker for her sisters. And there's a comment. Yeah. Okay. And Elfredi is told to introduce his grandfather as a as a loyal family friend and and and hopes that there's success because as Edward says Edward? Yes. There's nothing worse than being attached to a spouse you learn to detest. And then he just walks away as if to say, fuck that bitch. Because she's horrible. And you can and it it is confirmed because in an aside, uh Queen Butthole and Dr. Mr. House have a conversation where he's like, Hey, did you kill that kid yet? And he's like, nah. Yeah. Didn't kill her. Well, you failed to kill his mom, too. Well, you know.

SPEAKER_03 53:33

Just it's it's been well, officer, it's been a doozy of a day.

SPEAKER_08 53:38

I've heard so much happen.

SPEAKER_05 53:41

Sig and Rog are laughing it up. Yuck, yuck, yuck. And Steora comes in. I have been in this situation. I have I have been this. I have been Stiora.

SPEAKER_08 53:54

Yes. What do you want? Get out.

SPEAKER_05 53:58

Right. So basically, Rog's gonna bring in Brita's boats.

SPEAKER_08 54:04

And well he's he's not clear that it is Brita's boats. He says, some of my people.

SPEAKER_05 54:11

Bringing in my peeps. I'm gonna I'm gonna roll up some of my peeps. We're gonna hang out for a bit. It'll be super great. Next thing we see are a bunch of Danes running through the grass and more arriving by boat. Yes. And we see a lot of pigs at the wrenfare and Utrud coming out into the courtyard, and he's like, still stinky, man. I don't know. Something's still still could be all the dead pigs.

unknown 54:38

You know?

SPEAKER_08 54:39

Yeah, there is this is proper. We're doing proper wrenfare activities at this point. People are dancing and bobbing for apples, and they are. There is also butcher jump scare at the beginning of this scene, which we should have mentioned. The pigs, most of them were just heads. It's kind of funny.

SPEAKER_05 54:56

Well, and I still think the mom jump scare was scarier for me. I'm like, god damn it, she's alive. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_08 55:02

Yeah, that's fair.

SPEAKER_05 55:04

Um fled and fled and utred have a little back and forth about why she came and how they feel protected there. Cut to Father Bishop, whatever the fuck his name is. Benedict, Father Benedict, Father Benedict Dick Dick is uh erecting his new styrofoam cross and naming body parts.

SPEAKER_08 55:28

And he's like, Okay, God, it's upon you time to do the roster. Head, eyebrows, and eyeballs, and nostrils, and ears, and lips, and teeth, and the stuff on my teeth. And somebody goes, Oh, like, why do they go, oh, to the stuff on the teeth? I didn't get what that meant. And then there's people are like, he's trying, he's trying to do crowd work, and he keeps putting his arms up and like, how about all these organs? And people go, and then he starts in the second round, he's like, shoulders and a nipple and bowels, and everyone goes, whoa bowels! And he's just going through all the parts. What the fuck was this? And meanwhile, mom is over there going, I wish he hadn't done this. We're gonna freeze to death out here, listening to him list all his parts. And Ethel Flood goes, smile and think of England, Mom.

SPEAKER_05 56:30

In the meantime, Utrid sees guys sneaking in behind the partygoers.

SPEAKER_08 56:35

Yeah, there's something going on.

SPEAKER_05 56:37

And it's his son.

SPEAKER_08 56:40

Yeah, it's young Utrid.

SPEAKER_05 56:42

Oh, it's Utrid. That's right.

SPEAKER_08 56:45

Who walks up, he's wearing like just like a sackcloth. Like a like a nighty.

SPEAKER_05 56:53

Uh a chemise. She he's he's wearing a shamise.

SPEAKER_08 56:56

But it's clearly just a flower sack, and his there's a huge blood stain right on his junk.

SPEAKER_05 57:04

Where's Pee P used to be?

SPEAKER_08 57:06

And so we can only assume that Utrud is now a eunuch.

SPEAKER_05 57:12

I was trying to come up with a Utrud eunuch portmanteau, but I couldn't do it.

SPEAKER_08 57:18

Oh it was too hard.

SPEAKER_05 57:20

All right, anyway. Actually, it wasn't. That's but uh bump.

SPEAKER_06 57:23

No, he has now become the Varus of this series.

SPEAKER_05 57:27

Oh we'll see if that happens.

SPEAKER_08 57:30

I want to see if he puts Sig Trigger's brother in a box.

SPEAKER_05 57:33

Because he's gonna get sepsis. Oh, that's all I'm saying. Wow. Rog is giving Sig shit, and he's telling him about being saved by Brita and her folks, basically. And he convinces Sig to send all the Christian preachers away, right? Yeah. Next thing you know, they're being surrounded by Brita's guys. Only the and the guys on the wall are trying to tell them, were they plants?

SPEAKER_08 58:01

Well, no, the guys on the wall were trying to tell them what was going on, but but there was chanting going on and they couldn't. Right.

SPEAKER_05 58:07

There was singing going on, and I'm that's what I'm wondering. They were singing in Faroese, so I think some of those people were plants. I think they were Breed as people just trying to distract, just trying to be so loud that they couldn't warn the people inside.

SPEAKER_08 58:25

Yeah, it could be.

SPEAKER_05 58:26

Am I making this more interesting than it is?

SPEAKER_08 58:29

No, I think you're actually making it make a little bit more sense because I'm like, why are they still fucking chanting?

SPEAKER_05 58:35

Right. That's what I thought too. I'm like, are these people so fucking stupid?

SPEAKER_08 58:38

There's an attempt for communication to happen, and those chanters are making it challenging.

SPEAKER_05 58:43

Yes, very much so. So then and I wrote in my notes here, dirty Vikings. Sig yells, where are my men? And Breeda yells, Valhalla. And then Vohingate Pater, on day, where are my men? Valhalla. There's lots of fighting and stabbing and and hacking and splorchin', hacking and stabbing, and fighting and splorching.

SPEAKER_08 59:15

And there's bleeding and dying. That's great. So we see a cutaway of Stiora being told by by the girl who speaks ASL, don't fight, just hide. Just hide.

SPEAKER_05 59:32

And and also, do we know Brita's daughter's name yet?

SPEAKER_08 59:37

Um just see her girl. It's on the wiki, but creepy is my name for her.

SPEAKER_05 59:42

Okay, she's throwing runes, helping out there.

SPEAKER_08 59:45

That's really thanks, kid. What did you find out? Oh, the Broncos are gonna win.

SPEAKER_05 59:49

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_08 59:51

Good. What does that mean? Um, so she's getting sports scores from 2,000 years in the future.

SPEAKER_05 1:00:00

Have you read the book Good Omens or seen the show? No, I have not. Okay, I highly recommend just because of the book of prophecies, are very, very, very funny. Okay, anyway. Um, so here I wrote, little kids are watching. I went, damn, that's some PTSD.

SPEAKER_08 1:00:18

These kids are like four.

SPEAKER_05 1:00:20

Stand in there watching. And for some reason, they're dressed like the little Dutch kids. Like you always see in people's yards like smooching, right?

SPEAKER_08 1:00:29

The ones that are like bent over so you can see their bloomers.

SPEAKER_05 1:00:33

No, not usually they've got their hands behind.

SPEAKER_08 1:00:35

Well, they're cruelly painted.

SPEAKER_05 1:00:37

Yeah, those are the wooden sides.

SPEAKER_08 1:00:39

Those kind of bloomers in the out of the garden.

SPEAKER_05 1:00:42

You know you're in a classy place when you roll up and see that's that in the garden.

SPEAKER_08 1:00:46

Look at that. It's somebody.

SPEAKER_05 1:00:48

Here's what I will say. As someone who is canvassed for political office and has knocked on many, many, many doors. People make some interesting choices for their front yard decor.

SPEAKER_08 1:00:59

Uh my friend, I have to tell you that I did work for a company that rhymes with SmedEx.

SPEAKER_09 1:01:05

Oh, that's right.

SPEAKER_08 1:01:05

Yes, I've been to a lot of doors, and so there's very little that I have not seen on front doors. The best sign is watch for Sasquatch. Or don't steal. We don't have anything, the neighbors' stuff is better. That's pretty funny. But the worst thing was the little it's one of those little black Sambo figurines on somebody's back porch, and I'm just like, I don't think I want to be here ever again.

SPEAKER_05 1:01:32

Little black little black sambo, or like the the horse jockeys, the lanterns he had a watermelon.

SPEAKER_08 1:01:40

Oh and it was a little black boy with a hat and a watermelon. And like, that's inappropriate.

SPEAKER_09 1:01:48

You people are cracks.

SPEAKER_05 1:01:51

See, that was a tricky.

SPEAKER_08 1:01:53

Somebody else had a cyber truck, and I'm like, which of you is worse?

SPEAKER_05 1:01:57

Which of you somebody here in town has one?

SPEAKER_08 1:01:59

Anyway. I know. I haven't pooped on it yet.

SPEAKER_05 1:02:02

I want to put little, I want to make put little raccoon prints on the back of it.

SPEAKER_08 1:02:06

Oh, just throw pieces of lunch meat at it.

SPEAKER_05 1:02:10

Oh, and the raccoons will do the rest. All right.

SPEAKER_08 1:02:12

Um get trash pandas, go!

SPEAKER_05 1:02:17

So I said, uh-oh, that's gonna get set on fire. Um, Brita's looking for a stir of what's gonna get set on fire. I don't know. But nothing got set on fire. I know. All right, Utrid's going down to the water and he's yelling for Brita. She's not there.

SPEAKER_08 1:02:33

No. Why is he yelling?

SPEAKER_05 1:02:35

Presumably because Utrud had showed up with his dick freshly cut off and said Brita did this. Now, clearly they were lying to him on that ship or wherever they had him when they did this and said that it was her when it was probably somebody else. Just that's what these six ships are doing. They're going to different places. I believe. I think they're just going to different places and causing chaos.

SPEAKER_08 1:03:03

Maybe they chopped his dick off at a central location.

SPEAKER_05 1:03:05

Maybe they did. Maybe they took him, chopped his dick off.

SPEAKER_08 1:03:08

Why did I say it like that was nothing? Ah, maybe that's how they chopped his dick off. What is wrong with me? Well, oh, it's a show.

SPEAKER_05 1:03:16

It's the horrors in the world. We've now realized that anything we say on this show couldn't possibly be as bad as the real things that are happening in the world. So, hey, podcast.

SPEAKER_08 1:03:29

The jokes are real now, everybody.

SPEAKER_05 1:03:32

Holy bucket. So, anyway, so we get you trid yelling for Brida, and that's the end of the show.

SPEAKER_08 1:03:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:03:37

Did we did you was there anything you saw, Mike, that we didn't see? Nope. Nope. You've got it all. Whoofdy, how could we not? Uh, thank you for listening, listener. And I'm assuming Mike's gonna put the reading of I Want My Hat Back at the end, and I highly encourage you to listen to Spencer B. I want my hat back. And buy it for the children in your life, or get it from the library for them because it's very funny. And also get Food Fight and um the pigeon books, of course, by Mo Willems. And um, what was the other one? Uh really. Oh man, so many. Uh oh, stinky cheese, man. That's it.

SPEAKER_08 1:04:21

I have to tell you, I really did enjoy that book that I've just read that I was.

SPEAKER_05 1:04:27

Oh man, we got the we had the my kids died. So, thank you so much for listening. Let us know you listen. Uh, you can share us uh on any any Reddit threads. Just put the link to our please, we're begging you. Anything that has to do with game of threads is like, hey, listen to these fuckheads. They're great. You can email us at royalhighnesspod at gmail.com. You can message us on Facebook, uh, you can message us on Buzzsprout. Uh, I want to thank our producer Mike. Thanks, Mike. And the fine folks over at Injured Nerves Productions. We can't wait to do it all again next week on our countdown to whenever we find out when the freaking House of Dragons starts next. But until then, love ya. Bye.

SPEAKER_08 1:05:15

And now we're reading. I want my hat back by John Classen. This won an award. Yes. And then the picture here, there's a a beaver or a bear? It's beaver. Okay. My hat is gone. I want it back. Fox shows up. Have you seen my hat? No, I haven't seen your hat. Okay, thank you anyway. Frog. Have you seen my hat? No, I have not seen any hats around here. Okay, thank you anyway. Rabbit with hat on. Have you seen my hat? No, why are you asking me? I haven't seen it. I haven't seen hats anywhere. I wouldn't steal a hat. Don't ask me any more questions. Okay, thank you anyway. Turtle. Have you seen my hat? Seen anything all day. I've been trying to climb this rock. Would you like me to lift you on top of it? Yes, please. We don't get a resolution of that plot line. The turtle remains leaned against a rock. Snake hanging from branch. Have you seen my hat? I saw a hat once. It was blue and round. My hat doesn't look like that. Thank you anyway. Whatever the fuck that creature is. Have you seen my hat? What is a hat? Thank you anyway. Oh, very depressed bear laying on his back. Nobody's seen my hat. What if I never see it again? What if nobody ever finds it? My poor hat, I miss it so much. While laying on the ground, Deer walks up on two legs, looks down at the bear. What's the matter? I lost my hat. And nobody's seen it. What does your hat look like? Oh, it's red and pointing at The next screen is the bear. Realization. Red background.

SPEAKER_07 1:07:10

I have seen my hat!

SPEAKER_08 1:07:14

Next is just a page where the bear is running away from all these animals, and by the way, the turtle has since moved to the top of the rock. I don't know. I don't know. You! You stole my hat! Accuses the rabbit, who's clearly wearing a hat. And then there's a close-up of them looking at each other. And then there's just the bear. I love my hat. Hats on. And now the squirrel. What the fuck? How long? Oh, this is like almost the last page. Excuse me! Have you seen a rabbit wearing a hat? No. Why are you asking me? I haven't seen him. I haven't seen any rabbits anywhere. I wouldn't need a rabbit. Don't ask me any more questions. Okay, thank you anyway. The squirrel is played by Stewie Griffin. And then it's just the bear wearing the hat. That's it. I read the whole fucking book.

SPEAKER_05 1:08:01

Oh god. That brought back so many memories.

SPEAKER_08 1:08:05

This is why my children are warped.

SPEAKER_05 1:08:08

Yep. That makes perfect sense. Uh, this was a favorite, as was the was Food Fight and The Stinky Cheese Man.

SPEAKER_08 1:08:16

I'm not reading any more books, do you?

SPEAKER_05 1:08:18

Okay, so.

SPEAKER_08 1:08:18

I don't read books. I've never read a book. Don't ask me any more questions.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:22

You just did.

SPEAKER_08 1:08:23

Nope. I have seen my hat.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:35

Royal Highness is an injured nerves production. It is produced and directed by Mike Beegan and is available on all podcast networks. The comments and opinions expressed here are those of the hosts and their guests, and are not affiliated in any way with Netflix or the Last Kingdom series. If you would like to contact us, you can do so at RoyalHighnesspod at gmail.com. Thanks for listening. We hope you come back to listen again.