Episode 159 - Must Be A King - TLK S5E4

Eileen and Spencer are on the final season of The Last Kingdom. 

Much is afoot in Mercia!  Who will lead? Just how cold is it? Will Roggy’s hands heal? How many rocks is too many? Will Brida find solace in the death of her daughter? Will Stan have a reconciliation with Edward? Can we design a better throne? Should the Ealdormen have taken separate roads? Confused? You won’t be after this episode of Royal Highness!

royalhighnesspod@gmail.com 

This podcast contains adult language and content and is rated 'M' for Mature. Listener discretion is advised.

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:09

Hi one. Hi one.

SPEAKER_07 0:11

Hello. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_02 0:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 0:14

Uh hello. And welcome.

SPEAKER_03 0:17

That's the blendy way of saying it.

SPEAKER_07 0:20

Hello there. And welcome to the Royal Highness Podcast. Okay. Hello. Hello. Hello. And welcome to the Royal Highness Podcast. Where sometimes we watch George or Rebel Martin shows for the first time while we're enhanced with cannabis products and then we talk about them while we're, you know, still enhanced with cannabis products. But nowadays we're watching Last Kingdom on Netflix and we talk about that instead of um the horribles. The horrible horribles. So hello, Spencer.

SPEAKER_03 1:01

Hello, Eileen.

SPEAKER_07 1:02

Or should I say hello, Spencer?

SPEAKER_03 1:04

Here.

SPEAKER_07 1:05

Here. Okay. So The Last Kingdom season five, episode four, titled Episode, was it four?

SPEAKER_03 1:13

Four.

SPEAKER_07 1:13

Yes, four. Hoy oyoy.

SPEAKER_03 1:17

I just opened Netflix and clicked and it started playing. I don't know.

SPEAKER_07 1:20

Yeah, that's yeah. Mine started right away on the next one. I was like, wait a minute, what? So I had to go. Wait, wait a minute there. Yeah. I don't know. Okay. So the last okay, wait, no, Netflix says. Good God. Rivals secretly advance competing successors upon the death of a Mercuri Mercian ruler. Okay, I have been listening to Mythos.

SPEAKER_03 1:44

It's so good.

SPEAKER_07 1:46

So I almost said Mercury, Mercurian. Okay. Rivals secretly advance competing successors upon the death of a Mercian ruler. Gee, I wonder who that could be.

SPEAKER_03 1:57

Let's check the list of Mercian rulers currently.

SPEAKER_07 2:00

Who are who are currently maybe sick and or dying. Okay, Brita finds solace in the faith of her prisoner, Father Purley.

SPEAKER_03 2:08

Well since you brought up brought up Nepos the whole while you were uh reading that intro, all I could think about was and the genitals of Uranus flew through the air. I'm sorry, that's all I could think about.

SPEAKER_07 2:22

All I could think about was all the great characters to be the next time if I ever get the chance to go to Dragon Con.

SPEAKER_03 2:29

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_07 2:29

And how I could create the the costume, like the five heads and the hundred arms. Oh man, I want to do like baby doll arms.

SPEAKER_03 2:40

Was it the Hecaton Kiris with the Hecaton Kiris, yes, the Hecatonkiries? Those are the the ones that were in a hundred hands.

SPEAKER_07 2:51

Yeah, they're imagining. Yeah, you know, I'm just thinking. It could be a fun costume. I like being weird things like that. Anyway. Uh, we're again promised violence. Yes, we got that.

SPEAKER_03 3:06

We did check.

SPEAKER_07 3:08

Nudity.

SPEAKER_03 3:11

Not even an ankle.

SPEAKER_07 3:12

No. No. Nair. Language. Does hump count? Is that it though?

SPEAKER_03 3:21

I I think that was all I heard was hump.

SPEAKER_07 3:24

And then gore. Uh, so I'm guessing uh when they showed his hands.

SPEAKER_03 3:30

That was pretty rough.

SPEAKER_07 3:32

Oh yeah, we all know how last weekended, so maybe you do. Maybe you don't remember. Like I didn't until it started again.

SPEAKER_03 3:39

I was like, oh, this this fucking side quest.

SPEAKER_07 3:42

Yeah. So my episode title is What the Fuck Is Up With This St. Cuthbert's Girl?

SPEAKER_03 3:48

Uh, she's all about causing trouble.

SPEAKER_07 3:51

Yeah, she is she is like the the bad kid in a uh like preteen morality story.

SPEAKER_03 4:02

Everybody smokes cigarettes, we should run away.

SPEAKER_07 4:06

Yeah. Just run away. Like, what's your husband gonna do? I mean, what is he like?

SPEAKER_03 4:18

Um my so my title for this was um I did not expect that. Oh, which um the the business near the end?

SPEAKER_07 4:29

Hang on a bit.

SPEAKER_03 4:30

Like a whole minute. Um you don't have to well, I mean, we're gonna talk about it.

SPEAKER_01 4:37

Okay, I don't remember. The surprise murder of the Witten.

SPEAKER_07 4:43

Oh right, that gotcha. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 4:47

And it's funny because as I I I was watching, I'm like, this is this is almost a game of thronesy and plot twist. They're just gonna kill all those old men.

SPEAKER_07 4:58

But the funny there was a funny part before that though.

SPEAKER_01 5:02

When they're running by with the door, he's like, Did you see that? What? I didn't see anything. It's just yellow. Close that door, freezing my balls to nothing. Right. It's like, wait a minute.

SPEAKER_07 5:12

It's very Monty Pythian.

SPEAKER_03 5:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 5:14

Monty Pythian.

SPEAKER_03 5:16

See them sweep up there in that tree.

SPEAKER_07 5:19

Oh my god. Uh it was only 52 and a half minutes long this episode.

SPEAKER_03 5:22

So it went by quick.

SPEAKER_07 5:24

It did go by quickly. So we get our recap.

SPEAKER_03 5:27

Also, before you go any further, we found that it's Yagafu.

SPEAKER_07 5:30

Or as I call her Yagababa. Okay. Uh he is utered, blah, blah, blah. Uh, after Brita saw her kid die, she freaked out and left. Um, Stan wants to know Edward, but he's got a new side piece, so he's distracted. Uh, what's her name? The queen is now like hanging out with godly people. This St. Catherine girl will find out.

SPEAKER_03 5:52

She turned to God because her marriage is bad.

SPEAKER_07 5:55

Yeah. Hey, how many times does that happen, kids? Uh too many times.

SPEAKER_03 6:01

It turns out he's not as good a husband as you'd think.

SPEAKER_07 6:04

Yeah. Fletta's dying. Um, Finn told her uh that she chose. No, Finn told her what? I don't know. What did I write that for? She chose when to succeed her. I don't know. Guys, the day has been long.

SPEAKER_04 6:18

Today's been long.

SPEAKER_03 6:19

It's okay. It's okay.

SPEAKER_07 6:22

Thank you. Dear God. I I will tell you guys later. Okay. So she chose when to succeed her, but Beard Man um pays off the elderman to side with house, who'd rather have weird be king and then destiny's all.

SPEAKER_03 6:36

If you're not familiar with what we're watching, the last two sentences sounded like the strangest trip ever. Beard Guy pays off house so weird can be king. What the fuck does that mean?

SPEAKER_07 6:51

Those are English words with meanings and the thing.

SPEAKER_03 6:54

And I mean semantically that's a proper sentence, but yeah, none of it means anything.

SPEAKER_07 6:59

So we we go right into um the boiling water with the hot L joint or metal corner piece you'd pick up in the remodeling section of the forbidden Toblerone. Isn't wait, was it a triangle? I thought it was more like an L shape. It was a triangle.

SPEAKER_03 7:15

It was you called it a Toblarone last week.

SPEAKER_07 7:17

Oh yeah, Toblerone.

SPEAKER_03 7:19

And uh it continues to be, though most Toblerones, I've noticed, not made of steel.

SPEAKER_07 7:24

No, and they have little sections on them. Yeah, and they're delicious, but I can't eat them anymore. Because you have almond genome. Anyway, hey, wait a minute. I said the remodeling section of Home Depot. Isn't every section of Home Depot the remodeling section of Home Depot?

SPEAKER_03 7:39

No, no, no. Some of Home Depot is just a big pile of tools.

SPEAKER_07 7:44

That's part of remodeling.

SPEAKER_03 7:46

That's also part of my my addiction, my crippling addiction. Any any shop like that, I walk in and like suddenly I I don't I don't need money for anything else. I'd like it I'd like a new laser level, I'd like a drill. I don't need any of those things. I have like four drills. Why do I need a fifth one?

SPEAKER_07 8:09

Are you one of those people who when they walk into a Home Depot, they have to use the restroom right away?

SPEAKER_03 8:13

No. That's a book. My husband is.

SPEAKER_07 8:16

I know, but my husband, the lighting, the lighting in Home Depot makes Math P. And I will say that something about Michael's weapon.

SPEAKER_03 8:27

Speaking of restrooms and and craft stores, did you know that uh that uh Hoobie Lubi doesn't have any bathrooms?

SPEAKER_07 8:35

They don't?

SPEAKER_03 8:36

I didn't find them, and I searched.

SPEAKER_07 8:38

Yes, they do. Where they're way at the back to the left. Back left corner.

SPEAKER_03 8:44

Over by the bolts of fabric?

SPEAKER_07 8:46

Oh, they've moved everything around.

SPEAKER_03 8:48

You tell me lies! No, I haven't been in there in literally years. Because what can I do when God loves them? My family's wonderful, but they do like to spend a lot of time in Khabi Lobby.

SPEAKER_06 9:01

Do you know where their bathrooms are?

SPEAKER_03 9:02

No, I don't see any fucking bathroom.

SPEAKER_06 9:04

They're in the corner. Find the like yarn and shit.

SPEAKER_05 9:09

The back corner.

SPEAKER_07 9:10

Lies! Lies! We both said the same thing.

SPEAKER_03 9:14

Yeah, you you said the same thing as Eileen, and you can't hear what she's saying. I guess I'm blind.

SPEAKER_07 9:20

Correct.

SPEAKER_03 9:21

I would have just spent the whole time sitting on the toilet if I'm not sure.

SPEAKER_07 9:24

Did you ask an app did you ask an employee with a restaurant?

SPEAKER_03 9:27

Oh, I didn't want to see sensibilities by asking him where I could dump. Hello, I'd like to destroy your restrooms, please. Excuse me, excuse me. Hey, I was a Taco Bell now long ago. Is there a nice chair? I could drop a stink pickle? Excuse me, sir. This is a hobby lobby. Yes.

SPEAKER_07 9:46

Stink pickle.

SPEAKER_03 9:47

Good god. A dirt potato?

SPEAKER_07 9:50

Oh my oh, we have gotten way off track. Okay. Rog is holding the Toblerone of steel that is very, very hot now.

SPEAKER_03 10:06

Yes.

SPEAKER_07 10:07

And we get the crowd counting for him. This was amazing.

SPEAKER_03 10:13

I have questions.

SPEAKER_07 10:15

One.

SPEAKER_03 10:18

Two.

SPEAKER_07 10:19

Every time, yeah, three. Yeah, yeah. Mike's doing the movement with his hand and and uh that Siggy was doing, and then the crowd would do the next. Man, sometimes he just sped it up for no fucking reason.

SPEAKER_03 10:31

One, two, three, four, five, six.

SPEAKER_07 10:33

Four.

SPEAKER_03 10:35

Yeah, and we're done. Oh man. I I first of all, why nine steps? I know there was a reason. It's something to do with the nine nights.

SPEAKER_02 10:45

The nine something. It was the nine, it represents the nine weeks that one of their gods had to suffer or something along that line.

SPEAKER_03 10:53

Uh-huh. Oh de dota. Yeah. Yeah, you know what? Nine's really arbitrary. Just make it ten.

SPEAKER_07 11:01

So he gets to six, and then he kind of falls to his knees, and like without any hesitation, Shiggy's right there with the sword. Chop his head off. Gonna chop his head off, and he's like, nope, no, I can gets back up, man.

SPEAKER_03 11:16

Standing eight count in the Toblerone of Doom Carry. That's a surprise.

SPEAKER_07 11:22

Yeah, his hands are destroyed, man. And then they're like, so if your hand doesn't heal in three days, the gods have abandoned you five three days and not long for what appeared to be 17th degree burns.

SPEAKER_03 11:37

Okay, so here's the thing.

SPEAKER_02 11:40

Okay, Mike, you go first. What caused me consternation about this was when they told him if he takes the nine steps, then the gods have forgiven him. Then they had another layer on it. It's like that, yeah. Yeah, if you if you're the guy, it's like, wait, wait a minute. Uh, you told me if I do this, now I gotta do something else. Okay, fine.

SPEAKER_03 12:03

You not only do you have to carry the Toblerone of Doom, but you have to get better, and you can only do it out in the cold.

SPEAKER_07 12:10

And when they showed his hands, that was that gore. I'm like, man, it looked like cooked meat. It did fatty meat.

SPEAKER_03 12:18

There was a point while his hands were carrying that bar where they were perfectly medium rare.

SPEAKER_07 12:25

Yeah, you know what? But it smelled delicious.

SPEAKER_03 12:29

Hey, hey, Rag. Your hands. They smell good.

SPEAKER_02 12:34

Fuck you, Gary. This thing sucks.

SPEAKER_05 12:36

Oh man.

SPEAKER_02 12:37

Come over here and dip them in the barbecue sauce.

SPEAKER_05 12:40

Right. Oh man.

SPEAKER_03 12:43

Oh, the crusty bits are a little overdone. But otherwise. The bark is a little too barky.

SPEAKER_07 12:51

And then we get our song.

SPEAKER_04 12:53

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_07 12:55

Jaunty riding music. Like jaunty riding music.

SPEAKER_03 12:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 13:00

Oh man. Uh, as we're going to Aylesbury, and Utred has come to see Fled, who we know is barely clinging to life. He does that thing where he jumps off his horse and kind of rides it for with one foot for a little while before stepping off and gliding. At least if that didn't happen in real life, I imagined it it didn't made me happy.

SPEAKER_01 13:19

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 13:22

Good.

SPEAKER_07 13:23

And uh she's up and being dressed.

SPEAKER_03 13:26

She's all like no. She's having her last burst.

SPEAKER_07 13:31

Well, well, he thinks, well, she doesn't look too bad. And she's like, uh, you take me, I gotta go do some shit. Will you come with me? And he's like, Well, of course I will. Are you kidding? Get you alone? Of course, you look pretty good. And then as she leaves, he's like, He get corners Edith.

SPEAKER_03 13:53

I'm like, you told me she was sick.

SPEAKER_07 13:56

Edith's like, hey, you know what? She's like my friend, so fuck off. She asked me not to, I didn't, so fuck you.

SPEAKER_03 14:05

It was a little less fuck you than that, I think.

SPEAKER_07 14:07

I think it was pretty much fuck what a nice fuck you.

SPEAKER_03 14:10

I mean, you know, she was a nicer fuck you.

SPEAKER_07 14:12

Yeah, but a fuck you nonetheless.

SPEAKER_03 14:14

Uh and uh she's like a low-grade fuck you, if you will.

SPEAKER_07 14:17

Yeah, she's like doing that. She says, yep, and she's doing that last burst of energy thing before she kicks off. So be nice to her.

SPEAKER_03 14:24

Well, I suppose then going to play mini golf is out of the question. She might have problems on the go-karts as well. As a matter of fact, whack-a-mole may be too much for her. What are we to do? Ski ball?

SPEAKER_07 14:43

Oh man. We come to the walks the Yorkshire Wolds. I love the cotswolds. Anyway.

SPEAKER_03 14:50

Wold. Wolds?

SPEAKER_07 14:52

I think wolds are like rolling hills.

SPEAKER_03 14:55

Okay.

SPEAKER_07 14:56

Yeah. Breeda has Father P hanging by his hands from a tree. Ouch. Right? Yeah. Oh God. As somebody who was like had to hold something up for her husband to like nail it to the wall or whatever for a long period of time. Just having your hands up for that long would just ugh.

SPEAKER_03 15:15

Well, what is a long period of time in that case?

SPEAKER_07 15:18

What? Hold like hanging from a tree? No, that you had to do that. I'm thinking like 30 minutes would be tops for me. I don't know, but don't your hands go numb? Yeah. Yeah, they do. So there you go. I have terrible circulation. I'm an old woman. What are you gonna do? Right? So she's like, hey, you're God, right? He rose from the dead, make him raise Vibica.

SPEAKER_03 15:40

That's not how this works. And she's just like, yeah, it does. As a matter of fact, what do we do with Trazi's? And she grabs the nearest guy and is like, here. I was I like it for some reason I thought of like the exorcist. Go into him. You have jumped way ahead though. Oh well that that did happen in the scene, didn't it? Okay.

SPEAKER_07 16:03

No, it didn't. No. Go ahead, though. Because like she's torturing Father P and she's saying, help him, help him. And so then we cut to win and bowl cut talking.

SPEAKER_03 16:15

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_07 16:15

That's like Yeah, he's like, you know what? Things are gonna be good. Time comes, I'm here. We're solid. So Fled cut to f we had a lot of cutscenes. So Fled and Utrid are talking about Utrid gaining the people's trust.

SPEAKER_03 16:33

Um was more about her gaining the people's trust. Oh, and what would they have done differently given the chance?

SPEAKER_07 16:43

Well, she's well, you're you're cutting it again. You just want to get through it. I cried in this episode so much. Anyway, um you are having a day.

SPEAKER_03 16:56

If I am having a day, yeah. I got a little a little you got a little damp.

SPEAKER_07 17:02

Oh no, oh no, like full on bawling. Literally. Yeah, I know. It was I'll let you know. So she's gonna see an elderman, and then Udrid's like, fight your illness. She's like, I'm fucked. Let me get on with shit, please. So she's given Burg Burger Meistermeister Burger, whatever the fuck his name is, a letter they say apparently a letter that was a transfer of title. Yeah, some land. Right? And then as they're walking back, she's like, Oh, by the way, Wynne's gonna take the throne. And he's like, uh she he's like, she's like, Listen, the thing between me and Ned will then turn out to be Wynne and Stan, and they can keep peace going for a long time. And Ujid's like, I don't know, Wynne? Really? The flighty girl.

SPEAKER_03 17:53

She's not the girl you once knew. She's strong and smart and and she's like, and I need you to protect Ren.

SPEAKER_07 18:01

And he's like, of fucking course you do.

SPEAKER_03 18:05

So sure, of course I will. Well, he was a little less salty about it.

SPEAKER_07 18:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 18:10

But you don't have to ask me, Well, I'll protect you and then they step outside and they go through this little side gate.

unknown 18:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 18:21

And he's like, wait a minute, where did this have you always known about this? You're telling me that we could have snuck away through this gate anytime to just like bibop in the moonlight?

SPEAKER_03 18:32

I'm gonna call it the furtive hump door.

SPEAKER_07 18:35

Yeah. And he's like, This whole time I could have taken to hump taken you to hump you. I'm like, God, Utred, the woman's dying for fuck's sake.

SPEAKER_01 18:45

She's like, it's a little late for that now, jackass. Right. How about saying, Wow, this is lovely. Thank you for sharing it with me.

unknown 18:53

God.

SPEAKER_01 18:56

Good luck to buy you.

SPEAKER_07 18:57

Cut to the queen and her friend looking at the finished tapestry that apparently could start a war with Constantine.

SPEAKER_03 19:04

You know, this tapestry kind of looks shitty.

SPEAKER_04 19:08

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_03 19:09

Like they didn't make the letters right. They're all crooked. I can't identify any of the livestock in the picture. Who knows if those are people or tables or animals? What's going on?

SPEAKER_01 19:21

So what you're saying.

SPEAKER_07 19:23

If you were grading this in, say, a home at class for tapestry work, do a minus. Oh no. You're not even gonna be kind because it was clearly that girl working on it who had no idea what how to do tapestry, remember.

SPEAKER_03 19:40

The actual sewing, pretty good, but the pattern is dog shit.

SPEAKER_07 19:44

Yeah. So Mr.

SPEAKER_03 19:48

Tapestry Judge over here. I've never seen a fucking tapestry live in my I don't know.

SPEAKER_07 19:54

This girl is shit. And this girl's annoying. This St. Cuthford's girl, whatever the fuck her deal is. And all the say all of a sudden, uh, Queen Girl, what is her name again? It's her another fled. I don't fucking remember. I don't either.

SPEAKER_03 20:10

Because I don't like her.

SPEAKER_07 20:12

Yeah, I don't know. So the girl, so the queen, we'll just call her queen. She's like, hey, you're up early praying. You didn't happen to look out the window and see Edward going anywhere, did you? And she's like, uh, yeah, actually, I saw him leave with Yabagaga.

SPEAKER_06 20:35

Or Yaga Baba. Yabaju. As I said, as I said.

SPEAKER_03 20:46

Her name is pronounced. Fuck, I forgot already.

SPEAKER_01 20:51

Uh see?

SPEAKER_03 20:53

It's pronounced Yadafu. Yada Yagafu, yeah. Or I was gonna say Yagababa. I was gonna say Wagyu.

SPEAKER_07 21:01

Oh, Wagyu. Yes, that is how you pronounce it. Wagyu. That is who she is now.

SPEAKER_03 21:07

Marbled piece of beef from Japan. It's Elfled, by the way. L Fled.

SPEAKER_07 21:12

See, it's another fled. Sure. So fuck that. I'm I'm sticking with Queen.

unknown 21:17

Sure.

SPEAKER_07 21:18

Queenie girl. Queen Queen Girl. Queen girl. This girl doesn't seem very holy. This Cuthbert girl. Whatever her association is. She's like a scamp. Yeah, she's encouraging her to run away. That's just like just come with us. She's like, I can't, because the dad and my dad and the king are gonna say no. She's like, well, just come. It'll be a holy tribute. I'm like, this girl's working super hard to talk her into going, which makes me think that this is a trap, yes. To get the queen to go? Some sort of kidnapping plan? I don't know. That just occurred to me just now. So don't read anything into it.

SPEAKER_03 21:58

I don't I can't read.

SPEAKER_07 22:00

Cut to Father P looking poorly. P for poorly. Poorly peerly. So Brita cuts him down. And they start chatting about God and what comes next.

SPEAKER_03 22:14

I was getting really tired of this conversation.

SPEAKER_07 22:17

Yeah. So Father, this is when she's like, I know. Well, tradey trades. So we'll take this poor dude, so he just randomly chooses. And uh then I can get Vivica back, Vivica Fox back. And um and then she's like, Come on, what have make it happen? And Father P's like basically praise her out of killing this guy.

SPEAKER_03 22:43

Yeah, that's kind of what happened.

SPEAKER_07 22:46

Yeah, I was like, I don't want her to have any more blood on her hands. That sure would be a shame. Oh golly.

SPEAKER_03 22:53

This man is extremely patient.

SPEAKER_07 22:56

Yeah. And she just slowly comes to terms with things, and she's in grief. I mean, she's grief, and she's saying she's alone, but Father P's like, no, you're not. I'm gonna stay here with you. I'm like, oh good fucking god. You always pick the wrong women. Father P just putting it out there.

SPEAKER_03 23:15

The dude that she threatened to kill made a hasty retreat. Yes. That was kind of funny to watch him scamper off into the wilderness.

SPEAKER_02 23:22

As did all of them, they all ran with him. Well, could you all the volcanologists all ran away, were there? Volcanologists that's crazy.

SPEAKER_03 23:31

We're going back to Iceland. It's nicer there somehow.

SPEAKER_07 23:35

Yeah. Utred and fled stopped to rest on some really uncomfortable looking rocks.

SPEAKER_03 23:41

There was a couch cushion buried under those rocks. Ah, okay.

SPEAKER_07 23:46

See, Utrid's the kind of guy he put those there ahead of time. There you have the waterproof cushions on them.

SPEAKER_03 23:51

Nice, nice. It didn't even take the plastic off.

SPEAKER_07 23:54

Nope. Nope. Just had to wipe them down with a towel. Good to go. Put his cloak down. Perfect. She's cold. He puts his clock on the rocks for her to sit. I thought he was gonna put his cloak on her. I thought so too. But he puts it on the rocks for them both to sit down. I'm like, alright. And then this motherfucker starts deriding her for not telling him.

SPEAKER_05 24:15

Again. I'm like, Jesus Christ, the woman's dying. Let it go.

SPEAKER_03 24:21

He's like, he should have told me, so I could have done something about it.

SPEAKER_07 24:25

Right. What the fuck are you gonna do, Utre? But you can't you can't splort your way through cancer.

SPEAKER_03 24:32

We don't know that. Let me be let me be let me be real here. We don't know that he can't.

SPEAKER_07 24:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 24:40

But it's unlikely.

SPEAKER_07 24:41

Then they have a blah blah blah about well could have been, and he holds her and she's like, Your path was to bring peace to mercy and protect it, and you did that. If they had been together, you would have wondered what we had chosen the wrong path anyway. And I'm like, Yep, that's just the kind of people you are.

SPEAKER_03 24:56

So you always want to win. There has to be doubt. Otherwise, there's no drama. And the show winds up just being two people who love each other but never speak.

SPEAKER_07 25:06

Yep, they spooch a bit. They cry. I cried, goddammit.

SPEAKER_03 25:10

I did a little bit too well.

SPEAKER_07 25:11

And we have Father Pian Brita talking about Becky's fate. And she blames him and his church and his kings and his queens. And she's not wrong.

SPEAKER_03 25:19

Pretty much everybody who ever became Christian. She's gonna push back just ever so slightly. Viveka died because she fought a losing battle with gravity. It had nothing at all to do with Christianity. She tried jumping and she missed the jump. Now I understand there are extenuating circumstances, but she could have turned around and had Utri grab her and take her down, and he would she would have been fine. But instead, she biffed it. She ate shit. That jump gets a two.

SPEAKER_07 25:47

I'll give it a 2.5 for this reason only. She actually did she didn't reach the roof. She just didn't grab hold hard enough.

SPEAKER_03 25:55

Eileen, two stars out of 50.

SPEAKER_07 25:58

Oh my goodness. I'm giving it 2.5. Like I said.

SPEAKER_02 26:03

Basically, she would have been fine, but she just didn't stick the landing.

SPEAKER_03 26:07

She did not. She stuck two landings, as it turns out. One of them with her armpits, the other one's with her face.

SPEAKER_07 26:13

Oh golly.

SPEAKER_03 26:14

Um I'm I'm no sympathy for murdering kid.

SPEAKER_07 26:18

Uh well, no. So Father, uh, Father P gives her bread and then cut to Rog outside the gate with his burnt up hands, and just like just kneeling there. Yeah. Like he made, well, like Brita made the girls sh kneel for the three days, remember? And Steor and Sig are arguing about Rog. Sig wants to let him in, and Steor's like, fuck no, no, no, you cannot invite your brother over. You cannot. You know what he does when he's here.

SPEAKER_03 26:53

He drank all of your beer, he ate all of our food, and he had an accident on the couch, and it smelled funny in there for a month. And then he killed all our food. Yeah. I mean, she's right. But I get where he's coming from because brother.

SPEAKER_07 27:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 27:11

So anyway.

SPEAKER_07 27:12

Uh Stan and Finn and Chicken Wing are sitting around a table and they see Edward ride into town and start teasing Stan about him. I'm like, that's mean.

SPEAKER_02 27:24

I had the whole Monty Python. Must be a king. How do you know that?

SPEAKER_07 27:31

He hasn't got shit all over him. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 27:33

Look at that. That beard has gotten worse in the intervening week.

SPEAKER_07 27:37

It has, but it gets better later.

SPEAKER_03 27:39

Does it?

SPEAKER_07 27:40

He tidies up. He's looking very king on the face cards.

SPEAKER_03 27:45

Okay. I have a deck of cards. Hold on.

SPEAKER_07 27:49

Do you have a deck of cards?

SPEAKER_03 27:50

I do. Yes. Some fantastic audio. Here it is.

SPEAKER_07 27:55

Yes. Yeah, but I can't see it, bud. You don't have a camera.

SPEAKER_03 28:00

Oh no. I'm just I'm making the noise. And I'm going to tell you right now, if you've got a standard issue deck of cards. Well, he's not the king of hearts. He has no facial hair.

SPEAKER_07 28:10

Okay. And um King of Diamonds, I believe, does.

SPEAKER_03 28:16

Actually, all three of the other kings do, but the King of Diamonds has the most beardy beard. I'm going to say it is King of Diamonds. He also is the axe.

SPEAKER_07 28:24

Okay. So he's the King of Diamonds.

SPEAKER_03 28:26

King of Diamonds. Yeah, the King of Hearts is jabbing himself in the head with his dagger.

SPEAKER_07 28:32

Oh, yeah. No, he's just got that phony dagger with the little loop over the top of his head. He's just a prankster.

SPEAKER_03 28:39

It's not really through my head. It's one of the retractable retractable blade ones, and he's just going chikki chick-kick chick-kick chick it. I got an itch back here.

SPEAKER_02 28:48

Oh boy. That's the Suicide King. So that's the wild card in the game.

SPEAKER_03 28:52

Gotcha. So there. It's finally paid off this deck of cards. That's cool. And uh, there's a joker on the moon with a pair of binoculars.

SPEAKER_07 29:02

There's a joker around the moon with a pair of binoculars. That's my new song. Wynne greets Edward and they talk about fla fla fla. And he's like, look, they do hug, and he promises her that he's gonna back her up. Cut to mom doing nothing earnestly. Oh she's praying. Yeah. Oh now we cut to Udrid still holding her in the snow and it's dark. And he's figured I have lain here with this corpse long enough. She's gonna get stiff soon. So I'm gonna need to carry her in soon.

SPEAKER_03 29:41

So I'm gonna pick her up now while she's still pliable. Was anyone else perturbed by the fact that we never actually see her die? And that she just is dead at some point? I think she did die.

SPEAKER_02 29:55

At the point where Utrecht and her were cuddling on the thing, they she wasn't dead. Well, my question at that point in my notes is Did she die? Yeah, I didn't know until Because she was looking around with her eyes and then her eyes closed and she kind of went limp, and that's when I said, Did she die right now? I don't know. Clearly, yes.

SPEAKER_03 30:15

I was I'm not 100% sure, but it was just like, oh, I guess she's dead.

SPEAKER_07 30:19

No, yeah, I thought she died right after they kissed, and he just like hung on to her for that long because he's a weirdo.

SPEAKER_03 30:26

I just realized I've been kissing a corpse for a very long time. She totally pooped. Oh no. The whole the rumors were true.

SPEAKER_07 30:38

So now we have this montage where it cuts back and forth between him carrying her into the castle and Breed and Father P taking Becca into a cave, and I'm bawling the entire time. That was rough. Utrid lays her on the bed, and Edward climbs on the bed just like a little brother would. Yeah. Right. That was like, oh, I think that's where it just kind of went. And uh Breed is talking to Becca, and Ed's talking to Fled, and you got mom talking to God. And then Utrid comes in and she's like, I shut up, don't say anything.

SPEAKER_03 31:18

And this was her Oscar scene, like or Emmy scene, I suppose. And I was just like, all right, that's a little too much God in this for me, but still, I get it, you're grieving.

SPEAKER_07 31:27

Yeah. Do you hear anything in this chapel? And he's like, Mmm nope.

SPEAKER_03 31:34

Until recently, no.

SPEAKER_07 31:37

Can't hear any. She's like, I can't hear God. I really, really thought, you know, I almost died. Maybe not then. No. Maybe not now. No. Sh I have to say, she looks great for the grandmother of the next queen.

SPEAKER_03 31:58

You know, we're gonna do a little research here. Keep talking.

SPEAKER_07 32:01

This woman looks like she's 32 max. Well, anywho, that's some weird ass math. Or doing nothing but praying and almost dying. It's good for you. Okay.

SPEAKER_03 32:17

Anyway. Oh my goodness. How old is she? Alright, so the actress who plays Athelwith or whatever her name is. Oh god, that's so fucking weird. Uh, the actress who plays Ayleswith was born in July of 1993. The actress who plays Ethel Fled was born in December of 1993. Six months separate the two. Almost exactly six months, according to this. I don't know.

SPEAKER_07 32:49

And how old is the actress that plays uh the daughter win?

SPEAKER_03 32:52

Oh my god, it is July 24 and December 24, so that's fucking weird.

SPEAKER_07 32:56

Wow, that is well, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 32:59

And uh what's what was her question?

SPEAKER_07 33:02

How old does the girl who plays Ethel win? Uh the daughter. I'm gonna guess she's supposed to be about 15.

SPEAKER_03 33:13

I have to find uh I have to find that. I've killed this whole joke, so cut this part.

SPEAKER_07 33:20

No, because it's weird. I mean, they're well the joke was that they're six months apart, so there's no fucking way, anyway. Right? Okay, it's it's in 1993. How old are they now? Seven plus twenty six is thirty-three. I was close, I said 32. Oh wow, that's true. Oh man, I had to do math in my head and everything. That was really good. Hey me. Thanks. Good job. Thanks. Okay, here's my question. Why isn't why isn't I'm gonna bob my head when I say this, why isn't her mom fucking thrilled as shit that her daughter's dead? Because her daughter and her religion went to heaven.

SPEAKER_03 34:03

Well, because death sucks. There I did it. I got it out of the way.

SPEAKER_07 34:09

Okay. So she has nothing. I'm like, wait, what about Edward? I mean, damn, he's a king, right? He's still got him. Jesus Christ. She's like, I have nothing down. He's over there going, dang, I mean, I don't know. He asks, uh, she asks to see Wyn, right? And they're like, oh, she's waiting for the wittin. And mom's like, oop, I gotta go. They're gonna turn on her. I don't want any more death.

SPEAKER_03 34:32

Okay. The actress who played. The scene you were talking about. The actress who plays Elf Wynn was born in 1998.

SPEAKER_05 34:39

She is five years younger than they are.

SPEAKER_07 34:43

That is hilarious. In the funniest way. Okay. Finn is like drunk and sick, and so the final pharmacy panties getting him back to bed when Stan sees something. He sees fellas with torches. No. Through he sees Edward and some long-haired dude up on uh rampart.

SPEAKER_03 35:10

That's right, that's later. Okay, he's chitty chatting. Hey, buddy. You'll know when it's time. What does that mean? Okay.

SPEAKER_07 35:18

They so Edward kind of catches Stan out of the corner of his eye and recognizes him, I guess. All right. And they have that weird sort of, hey dad, uh I've seen you in like years and years and years. You're kind of a dick. And then we're like, let's talk later, all right. Things I got shit to do right now. I can't believe you're doing this. You're right here, right now. We're gonna do this now. Yeah, right.

SPEAKER_03 35:48

I don't know if you noticed. Sure would like to catch up with you, champ. Buddy, old pal o pal buddy. Right. Or something like that. I don't know.

SPEAKER_07 36:01

So now Fled is dead, and Wynn is scared that the Witten are not gonna be good to her, right? And then we cut to Udith. Udith? Udith!

SPEAKER_03 36:14

Please one more time.

SPEAKER_07 36:19

Udith and Etrid on the parapet talking.

SPEAKER_02 36:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 36:23

Oh, should we benefer them? Um, what would it be? Udith. I think I like Udith better than Etrid.

SPEAKER_03 36:29

Yeah. Udith is more fun.

SPEAKER_07 36:31

Udith is on the parapet talking, the two of them. He's like, I gotta stay until Wen takes the throne, and then they talk about destiny.

SPEAKER_03 36:40

And she's like when it's so badly for him to say destiny is all. Oh my god. So she could go, Destiny is balls. Right.

SPEAKER_07 36:49

She goes, all it does is cause sorrow and pain. Isn't pain our choice? Not destiny's? I'm like, ooh. Utrecht. Think about it.

SPEAKER_03 36:59

Life is what you make it, buddy.

SPEAKER_07 37:01

Correct. Uh, and then she goes, What would allow you to be free of your pain?

SPEAKER_03 37:07

I just wanted him to say something awful. Handy.

SPEAKER_07 37:14

Ale. Oh, right. How about we go back through the hey, I found a little door.

SPEAKER_02 37:24

Well, he's about to say something. Does death make you horny, baby?

SPEAKER_07 37:28

Yeah. He's about to say something. When three dudes are in the courtyard, was that beard in his guys? It appeared to be Okay.

SPEAKER_03 37:38

This random beard.

SPEAKER_07 37:40

Just random beard. Okay. And then Bullcut and Edward are talking about fla flaf. Helm shows up.

unknown 37:48

Oh.

SPEAKER_07 37:49

To show respect. He's so bad. Yeah, but Baba and Helm have a spat.

SPEAKER_03 37:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 37:58

About what? I don't remember.

SPEAKER_03 38:01

Uh the question came about as to why.

SPEAKER_07 38:04

Um, they haven't rung the bells yet.

SPEAKER_03 38:07

Yeah, and she said, Yes. I think the you should shut your mouth about it because you know the king's grief as well as he does.

unknown 38:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 38:16

And he's all like, Bitch, what are you doing here?

SPEAKER_07 38:18

Right?

SPEAKER_03 38:19

And then Edward's like, I'm gonna slap y'all.

SPEAKER_07 38:22

I'm gonna tell you when the I decide when the bells get rung. That's you know what? I'm the bell guy. I am bell man. So we slap it.

SPEAKER_03 38:30

It's like King of Diamond's haircut. I'm clearly the bell guy.

SPEAKER_07 38:34

Obviously. Stan's leaving the barn where they're all sleeping, where the final pharmacy panty's all sleeping. And he sees people with torches, right? That was the hey guys, did you see that? They're like, go back to sleep. It's fucking freezing. Crazy. And then he's like, no, but we're just fine, I'll fucking get him myself. He grabs his sword and he follows him. And Citric, so Stitric shows up and says, Don't do anything stupid, just stay here. I'll get the others. And then of course, Stan just fucks off anyway. He just goes chasing him anyway. Don is creeping into the room. And so is Tony Orlando.

SPEAKER_03 39:15

Oh, yeah. It's time to ring the bells. Well, the thing is, everyone's like, Can you hurry up what this has taken forever? And and Alfred's like, I'll decide when the fuck to ring the bell. Let's do it in the morning. We'll greet the dawn with the saddest of news, which I thought was sucking.

SPEAKER_07 39:34

You dick. Man. I guess that people get a full night's sleep. Suddenly it's day. Yeah. And Burgermeister Meister Burger is talking to his wife, and he's like, I don't want to go to the Whitten. And we see the other eldermen arriving.

SPEAKER_03 39:49

Everybody comes out. Well, the bell's tolling. It's Death knell. Huh?

SPEAKER_07 39:55

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Ask not for whom the bell tolls. Now we see stand soldiers standing weirdly up against the wall. Butts to nuts? What was that about?

SPEAKER_06 40:07

No, no.

SPEAKER_07 40:08

Why were they standing butts to nuts? Also, could you not say that anymore? It's too funny. Butts to nuts. Yeah, that's a navy term.

SPEAKER_03 40:19

I know what butts to nuts means. It's just it's really funny coming out of during this show.

SPEAKER_05 40:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 40:27

But they're they're standing next to the wall, facing the same direction, one directly behind the other. And it was weird. I'm just saying they that they were obvious in the way that they were standing. But anyway.

SPEAKER_03 40:40

They didn't even do that. They just sat there.

SPEAKER_07 40:42

Yeah, Stan does take down one of the soldiers, and he's like yelling for Udrid, but then the good guy that she had just made this land contract with gets stabby stabbed.

SPEAKER_03 40:52

And so do all the other old men.

SPEAKER_07 40:54

Right. But we can't tell who Stan is fighting because he's got a hood on.

SPEAKER_03 40:59

Yeah. Although I suspect it was the hooded man we saw talking to the king earlier. Yes. Yes. That's yeah, we figured that out.

SPEAKER_07 41:07

Turns out uh Stan gets beat up, but he's not killed. Um, and all the good guys have lived, all the eldermen have died, and it turns out that he was the king's spy, or the guy that was talking to the king. So he was killed.

SPEAKER_03 41:23

Uh they were all killed. Well, I find out that the uh uh Utrecht comes back from having rescued uh Elfstan from the conflict and goes back in, and they're like, Well, where are the eldermen?

SPEAKER_07 41:41

And he's like, Dead, dead, and I know it's not just like it's not like okay, so we had a kerfuffle.

SPEAKER_03 41:51

Yeah, so funny story.

unknown 41:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 41:55

You might want to sit has we've got ale? Hmm, anybody wants sandwiches? Let's order sandwiches.

SPEAKER_03 42:01

Hey, I'm with vanilla wafers in my pocket. Who wants one?

SPEAKER_07 42:04

Come here?

SPEAKER_03 42:05

All right, uh and he just and immediately house turns to the king and says, You did this, didn't you? And he said, You shut the fuck up. I had to.

SPEAKER_07 42:14

And then Edward said, And then I was like, Oh my god, he did.

SPEAKER_03 42:17

He did.

SPEAKER_07 42:18

Edward, yeah, he knew they'd been bribed. Yeah. He's like, better the blood of the few than the blood of the many. And I'm like, damn, Spock, I don't think that's how it goes.

SPEAKER_01 42:33

I thought the same thing.

SPEAKER_03 42:36

It just means there was someone in this episode named Jim.

SPEAKER_06 42:39

I know.

SPEAKER_07 42:41

He's basically I've ensured Mercy's protection.

SPEAKER_03 42:43

This kid's got a god plot complex. I'm just saying. He is a king and you know, ordained and all that.

SPEAKER_07 42:49

And he's decided he's gonna be the king of both the Anglos and the Saxons. Hence we get the term Anglo-Saxon. And we had a dramatic throne.

SPEAKER_03 42:58

That's right.

SPEAKER_07 42:59

Correct.

SPEAKER_03 43:00

Is it Alto Saxophone? No, the Sax was named after a man called Adolf Sax, who made the saxophone. That's not a joke.

SPEAKER_05 43:09

And he I know, but I thought for just a second, I looked at it and I went, Anglo-saxophone, okay.

SPEAKER_07 43:19

Oh, we have a dramatic throne taking scene. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 43:21

He sits down, but then he realizes instantly that the throne is uncomfortable because the knobs end way higher than the armrests do, so he's gotta like rest his wrists on the knobs, but hell hold his elbows up.

SPEAKER_07 43:36

That's gonna cause carpal tunnel.

SPEAKER_03 43:38

Let's just put it there. At least tension in the neck and shoulders.

SPEAKER_07 43:42

Yeah, yeah. And that's not the sort of thing you should have when you're a king. You know, no, but they all die of something weird anyway. Yeah. Uh then we go to Rog outside the gates. I didn't think he looked too great. And Sig's come to see him. Uh, I knew it was Sig by the coat, the just the silhouette. I'm like, oh, he's got that weird. Split tail, he's got that Alice Cooper look going on.

SPEAKER_03 44:03

He has got that, yes.

SPEAKER_07 44:04

Mm-hmm. The split uh the what do they call that? A tailed coat. Only it's squared. I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 44:11

I'm sure that's a cool name. When I first saw it, I said I thought, why is he wearing pantaloons?

SPEAKER_07 44:16

Pantaloons. Because it's fun to say. I have to put on my pantaloons.

SPEAKER_03 44:21

How you doing, guys? Gary Pantaloon here. Yeah, they're named after me.

SPEAKER_07 44:27

Well, bye! Wow, I love a skit that goes nowhere. Frog wants Rog's like, hey, look at my hands. And Sig's like, looks good to me. Although you can tell by the look on his face, man, that doesn't look so good, but I've forgiven you.

SPEAKER_03 44:45

Huss and they still look like cheeseburgers and they're clearly hurt when we tore the linens off, so yeah. I'm just gonna pretend they look good, but Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 44:54

He's like, Sig, uh, I've forgiven you, but Stior has not. So Sig helps him up and then leaves. Is he shuffling after him? Is he allowed to come to the castle now?

SPEAKER_03 45:03

I have no idea what is meant. That's just so open-ended and whatever the fuck that I didn't have any uh opinions about it.

SPEAKER_07 45:12

Okay. So then uh just moving on. Udrid's gone to see Fled's body, and Edith is there. Hey Edith. Utred tells her she's like, look, Edward's lost his shit. You need to fuck off. You're not safe.

SPEAKER_03 45:26

It's not safe here.

SPEAKER_07 45:27

Because she's part of she's Irish, isn't she? She's from everywhere. She's just a small town girl.

SPEAKER_03 45:35

Born and raised in South Detroit?

SPEAKER_07 45:37

That's not how the song goes.

SPEAKER_03 45:40

Yeah, it is.

SPEAKER_07 45:41

She's just a city girl. She's just a living in a lonely world.

SPEAKER_03 45:46

Oh, yeah. I just blended the two together. Who cares?

SPEAKER_07 45:51

Oh, it makes the song like I like a lot shorter. I kind of like it that way.

SPEAKER_03 45:55

Yeah. South Detroit, incidentally, is Windsor, Ontario.

SPEAKER_07 45:58

Oh, is it?

SPEAKER_03 45:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 46:00

No, it's not.

SPEAKER_03 46:01

Dude, it totally is.

SPEAKER_07 46:04

I don't know. I don't know anything about geography. Leave me alone. I mean, if you would look at a map of Michigan. No, I should, because that's where two of my children will be living soon. Okay. Udrid tells her, okay, so Stan's got a cut on his hand. And then again, he confronts Edward, and they do this typical teenage dad and son thing where he's like, you're kind of a dick, Dad.

SPEAKER_03 46:30

It was a little bit of a smarmoff in a way.

SPEAKER_07 46:32

Had to do what I had to do, son. I don't know what to tell you. You know what? And he's like, uh, we're going to the ceremony later if you wanna if you want to ride with us. He's like, no, grabing my friend, Utread. Okay. It's fine. And then we're gonna go.

unknown 46:50

Just fine.

SPEAKER_07 46:51

It's fine. He's like, well, if you change your mind, you Yes, just go!

SPEAKER_03 46:55

Oh they're gonna be here any minute.

SPEAKER_07 46:58

Father P and Brita are in the cave, and Brita's put a lot of rocks on top of Becca.

SPEAKER_03 47:05

Yeah, and excuse me. And apparently it's been helping her the entire time to bury her daughter, and they've apparently come to some sort of detonator. Friendship?

SPEAKER_07 47:17

I don't know if it's friendship. Now, he says something to her. She says, like, she gave me this feeling, blah blah blah. And he says, She can give you that feeling again. What the fuck does that mean?

SPEAKER_03 47:35

When you're dead.

SPEAKER_07 47:37

What? I don't know. It was so weird. Um, the procession of flood has gone through town, and the priest is flinging holy water, and they pass Utred and Stan, and they talk about succession and how Oud Edward's in charge now. And then we had this cool kind of moment as they're taking her up into the darkened castle. It trans the the photography went from light to dark, and they've got credits. Fancy. Not okay. That's it.

SPEAKER_03 48:06

Hey, for once our episode was the same length as the show itself.

SPEAKER_02 48:10

Wow, that's kind of creepy. Nope, you got everything, except I'm pretty sure that Dr. Mr. House is uh in for it next episode.

SPEAKER_07 48:18

Yeah, he was one of the ones that didn't get and yeah, now that Edward knows that he bribed him, bribed all the other ones, so I'm sure it's gonna get interesting.

SPEAKER_03 48:28

Because there's only what, six episodes left? Five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten. Yeah, that's six.

SPEAKER_07 48:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 48:35

So there's guys getting so close to June, too. I know. June, what did you say was the twenty one?

SPEAKER_07 48:42

21st is the first episode. Is the first release.

SPEAKER_03 48:47

Almost there.

SPEAKER_07 48:48

We'll get almost there.

SPEAKER_03 48:50

Hmm.

SPEAKER_07 48:50

Lots to talk about doubling up. Anyway, hey, thank you so much for listening. Uh, let us know you listen. Send me an email, royalhighnesspod at gmail.com. Message me on Facebook. I will answer you. You know, tell people about us, whatever. I want to thank our producer Mike.

SPEAKER_02 49:06

Thanks, Mike. You're welcome.

SPEAKER_07 49:07

And the fine folks over at Injured Nerves Productions. We can't wait to do it all again next week. But until then, if the world still exists, love you.

SPEAKER_03 49:17

Well, we better freaking exist. I have a green banana.

SPEAKER_00 49:20

Ooh. Royal Highness is an injured nerves production. It is produced and directed by Mike Vegan and is available on all podcast networks. The comments and opinions expressed here are those of the hosts and their guests, and are not affiliated in any way with Netflix or the Last Kingdom series. If you would like to contact us, you can do so at RoyalHighnesspod at gmail.com. Thanks for listening. We hope you come back to listen again.