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Royal Highness!
OH HEY! It’s you! You found us! We are so glad you’re here. You don’t have to watch the GoT episodes before listening, but we’d love it if you did. Spencer and I look forward to creating this podcast every week and we have a blast doing it. We hope you enjoy listening to it as much as we do making it. You can email us at: RoyalHighnessPod@gmail.com. I read every email because I’m compulsive like that. ENJOY THE SHOW!~~Eileen
Royal Highness!
Episode 167 - A Terrible King AND A Terrible Man - HoD S3E5
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It’s season 3 of House of the Dragon so Eileen and Spencer are enhancing and reviewing the current episodes! King Daeron? Is Aegon really terrible, or is he a product of his childhood? Will Aemond fall in love? What of the Gold Cloaks? Will Alys get Harenhall? Will Rhany finally understand her situation? Is Adam falling in love? Confused? You won’t be after this episode of Royal Highness!
This podcast contains adult language and content and is rated 'M' for Mature. Listener discretion is advised.
You can email the hosts at: royalhighnesspod@gmail.com
Thanks to Mike Beagen for hosting and publishing this podcast.
I breathe like a turtle through my butthole! Turtles don't breathe through their butthole. Yes, I do! You don't know nothing about my butthole! How do you have a turtle up your butt? That's none of your damn business. Well, whatever I've been doing. Well, you say it, I think a lot of kings. If you poop on someone that I had a turtle in it.
SPEAKER_05I thought it well. I've heard nobody further.
SPEAKER_10It's probably not great.
SPEAKER_05It's it can't be. You know? Oh, I don't know.
SPEAKER_11Oh, I eat him. Alright. Listener, I want you to know that I was eating during tonight's episode.
SPEAKER_05No. Yes, if you're listening to this and then you're going to watch because we've enticed you into the glory that is this episode. House of the Dragon. Uh then yeah. Don't be especially, I would say, things to avoid. Uh, what do you think, Spencer? Uh boots. Meats good. Gummy worms. Vegetables. Yeah. Anything. Anything gooey? I would avoid puddings.
SPEAKER_08Stay away from the haggis.
SPEAKER_04It's my dinner! He's got my dinner! All over him.
SPEAKER_05Hello. And welcome to the Royal Highness Podcast, where we watch George Martin shows for the first time. While we're enhanced with cannabis products, and then we talk about them. Well, we're still enhanced with cannabis products, and now we're watching season three of House of the Dragon. Hello, Spencer.
SPEAKER_08Hello, Eileen.
SPEAKER_05Hello, Mike.
SPEAKER_08Damn it, why'd you do that again? Hello. Hi Mike.
SPEAKER_11Confused by inclusion. Mike says nothing.
SPEAKER_05Okay, House of the Dragon, season three, episode five, titled Unbowed and Unbent. What divert does this mean?
SPEAKER_11It's the it's the House House Martell's words.
SPEAKER_05Oh. Who who was the little boy?
SPEAKER_11Which little boy? The boy little boy in the bed?
SPEAKER_05No. The little boy um commanding the people's That was Tully.
SPEAKER_08That was Lord Tully. Yeah.
unknownI had no idea who he was.
SPEAKER_10Or just give it an old ship to anyone, I'll eh.
SPEAKER_05I guess so. HBO Max says as the search for Amon and Vagar continues, Damon attempts to control the spiraling situation in King's Landing. Yeah, we'll call it a situation.
SPEAKER_11Also, spiraling. Whenever I see the word spiral or spiraling, I cannot help but think of Uzamaki and how spirals impacted that story. If you know, you know, listener. Wink.
SPEAKER_05I don't know. So I hope the listeners should do it.
SPEAKER_11Wink. There's what I meant to say. That translated. That's just an anime. I don't want to explain it.
SPEAKER_05I know what it is. I haven't I have not watched it. Is it good?
SPEAKER_11Well, I have a book if you'd like to read it.
SPEAKER_05Is it manga? Do you read it backwards?
SPEAKER_11You read it back highwards. And it's it's very good. Terrifying, disturbing, gross. I love it.
SPEAKER_05That's a lot of anime is. But and at the same time, gripping if for some reason.
SPEAKER_11So that's the word we're using now, huh? Yeah. Okay.
SPEAKER_05So we get a recap. Because first we get this is a long recap. Rainy confused as to why Hightower took Tumbleton. Where the Temple you know, where the Tumble Bunnies live. She's like, it's just a market town. And then she's like, ah, they just want me to, they just want to make me burn it down so that pisses them off, right? And then all saying, Hey, you know what? Uh they're graffitiing all over town, protesting you. She's like, what the fuck? Oh, we see. There's not though.
SPEAKER_10Your grace.
SPEAKER_05We see Larry's and Aegon. And Aegon once again losing his shit and then kissing shit. Corless and Alan, um, putting him on council. Do it again. Alan! Thank you. Uh turns out Helena is Pregger's. Jace is dead. Uh, we see the burned head of the supposed sheep stealer rider, and she says, That's not who tell me who's it? He's like, Yeah, don't worry about it.
SPEAKER_03I think you should stop worrying and be thankful I brought you a head.
SPEAKER_05I took care of it. I fixed it with duct tape.
SPEAKER_03That's like saying, remember that bill that you owed. Well, I took care of it. He's a head.
SPEAKER_05Look, she and then she is like, okay, we have to pay the soldiers or they'll start freaking out. And she's like, look, they trust you, they'll wait. Then she says, I'm gonna give Heron Hall to whoever the fuck slays Amund. I'll oh, and by the way, bring back Joffrey, which still freaks me out because Yeah, I don't like having to type Joffrey anymore. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. We see the stabby stabbing of Amon by dude. Um, and then the witch sees the whole thing. He asks for help, and this is important, and we don't know if he's still alive, right? Okay. We've we see the witch tell the dudes who came looking for Eamon that he fucked off after he heard that Rainy took the King's Landing, and they're like, What now?
SPEAKER_06Well, you didn't know.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, and then Crispy's like, Well, we just have to keep the River Scum away from King's Landing. Uh, it's him and Gwen, right? And then we're back in Tumbleton where Hightower is pissed for some reason. Um, why was he why was he pissed?
SPEAKER_11Because Gwen and Cole decided not to wait at Heronhall for Eamon. Or they didn't know. Right, right, right, right. And then he says he says the cunt word a lot, and then he's like, well, back to Popourie.
SPEAKER_05Yep. But the end of this little recap is and now, him going, and now we begin. Yeah. So I didn't catch what the uh warnings were, did you?
SPEAKER_11The warnings regarding what?
SPEAKER_05Uh violence, adult content, beefy language.
SPEAKER_11Uh no, it should have said blood and guts. Well, it should have gore. Gore would have been good. Uh, there was some language.
SPEAKER_05Language, yes.
SPEAKER_11What a fucks.
SPEAKER_05Yeah.
SPEAKER_11Um, of course, adult situations.
SPEAKER_05Adult content.
SPEAKER_11Mm-hmm.
SPEAKER_05Mm-hmm.
SPEAKER_11I don't know. I was I'm trying to think of something that isn't a mortgage.
SPEAKER_05Uh card is an oil change. I was gonna say new tires. Yeah, okay. So, yeah, that's a common one. That's pretty common. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_04Uh, need the gutters replaced. How's that?
SPEAKER_11The dishwashers on the fritz.
SPEAKER_05Yes. Oh, you fancy. You have a dishwasher. Listen to all right. I'll just do it myself. Drone shot. Um, and we see some someone who literally burned some bridges.
SPEAKER_11He can't go in there.
SPEAKER_05Camping in the woods. So was this a drone shot or was just this all just uh CGI?
SPEAKER_11I don't know. I partially some of both, probably.
SPEAKER_05It kind of looked AI almost. It had that saturated feeling to it that I was like, hmm.
SPEAKER_11I don't think that they use AI in the production of this program.
SPEAKER_05They can't get to Tumbleton, right? So it's Lord Piper and who's the kid? And this is Lord Tully? Uh oh, the old guy is a Stark?
SPEAKER_11Yeah, or yeah. Because he they the were the riverman and the Starks work together on occasion.
SPEAKER_05Okay, okay. So then, okay, so the Tully is the riverman and the Stark's the old guy. So who's the one that came in to talk to?
SPEAKER_11I don't fucking know.
SPEAKER_05Okay, all right, all right. Now I'm getting somewhere.
SPEAKER_08Yeah, I don't know who he is. Uh I think he's the captain of their guard or something along that line. Because he's got a big thing.
SPEAKER_05It doesn't matter because you're not gonna get to know him very long.
SPEAKER_08Not very at all, no, yeah.
SPEAKER_05No, no, no. Uh they're trying to figure out how to handle Cole, who's just keeps fucking with them. Right?
SPEAKER_11Is that what's going on? Well, because they're they're like they're destroying bridges as the rivermen approach them. And it is frustrating their advance towards King's Landing. And uh what do we do about this? Well, I don't know what we do. We're gonna just go around.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_05Uh alright. So we see this guy storming through camp. His his dude, his whoever, right? Yeah, and then there's guys outside, and then you hear thud.
SPEAKER_11Yeah. Footsteps and thud. Like he walks in the tent, there's footsteps and thudding, like instantly. Like, I don't even have a chance to take off my armor. Right. He turns around and goes outside, and they're dead, and then he's dead when Cole stabs him, and then it turns out it's the ambush that uh they've been doing because it's that guerrilla warfare shit they they were doing. So right.
SPEAKER_05So they basically just poofed all of the the tents. Set them on fire.
SPEAKER_11At least in that corner of the camp. I don't know how far into it they got. But apparently there was a Dick Sporting Goods not too far away because they just bought new tents and then kept going. I don't know. That's right. Dick Sporting Goods is not a sponsor of this program, Dick's.
SPEAKER_05You could be though.
SPEAKER_11Get on it, Dick.
SPEAKER_05Yeah. Uh so we're back at Heron Hall, which is all burnt out. We're back at Heron Hall. It's all burnt out. Uh and what? There's it is a goat. Um, and this guy comes around the corner looking very riff-raff. And it's like the band of three weirdos gruff.
SPEAKER_11Yeah.
SPEAKER_05Right. And now this scene happens, I believe, four times in this episode.
SPEAKER_11People wander at least three into Heron Hall. And Alice goes, Wait here.
SPEAKER_05Yeah.
SPEAKER_11And then somebody ends up pooping themselves because that's what Alice does. Yeah. She's like, There's no one here but me, the butter churner who's blind, and the little boy who feeds the horses on ghosts. And then she starts getting real spook, like looking at him, like, hey, listen here.
SPEAKER_07There's blood in the walls, and they got fingernails and they put them in your eyes and all sorts of shit, but the rocks have blood in them, and I'm throwing a rock, and here come the bats. I was like, Go, bats, go, yay, bats.
SPEAKER_11And in the tumult caused by the bats, she disappears, and one guy goes, Fuck this place, and just they bolts.
SPEAKER_02They're like, Yeah.
SPEAKER_05If I ever get to choose a superpower, it's going to be disappear in a cloud of bats. Um, I love bats, they're awesome. But I know better than to have a pet pet because pet bats don't pet bats don't make I don't think they would make a great pet.
SPEAKER_11I mean they're not I mean they're semi-cutdly, but they're also kind of gross.
SPEAKER_05They're not it's not that they're gross, that doesn't freak me out at all. I would love to cuddle with a bat. I just don't think that they're cuddly.
SPEAKER_10No, I don't think that they're they have fur, but they're they're also like they're disease vectors that anyway.
SPEAKER_11Um taking a nap with a soft soft filter. I thought he was asleep in like Rivendell here for a minute. The way it glued the the the world glowed around him. I thought that we were gonna he's gonna wake up and there's Elrond. And you know Gladriel. Huh? I'm talking about Lord of the Rings characters. That's how soft the filter was on Amon.
SPEAKER_05You said Elrond.
SPEAKER_11I said Elrond, yeah.
SPEAKER_02The guy. Elrond Hubbard. Not not El Ron. Elrond.
SPEAKER_11You're not nearly rookie enough for that.
SPEAKER_05Oh. That's Lord of the Rings, I know it is.
SPEAKER_11So I thought that's where he'd be, but he weren't.
SPEAKER_05He weren't.
SPEAKER_11He were having a dream.
SPEAKER_05Mm-hmm. And uh then she like she he she holds him in a chicken wing pose.
SPEAKER_11Yeah. That was like chicken wing 2.0 on the floor. She even sings at him a little bit. Yeah, she does. He did have pants on, though, so that was good. And a bandage that's still bloody. So how long has passed since he was stabbed?
SPEAKER_05Long enough for at least Rainy to find out that he was missing. I don't know. Time means nothing in this place. Yeah. We're not supposed to think about it.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, well, that's the thing.
SPEAKER_11I mean That's the problem. I am worried about it because if that's the same bandage that she put on him when he was found, he's got sepsis.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, maybe.
SPEAKER_11That's a icky as an icky bandage.
SPEAKER_05Well, she is a witch, so maybe I I under I I would guess she knows what she's doing.
SPEAKER_11Anyway, just like changing a goat form and lean against his back.
SPEAKER_05We see Father O's, I can never remember his name. Orwell. Orwell.
SPEAKER_06Yeah.
SPEAKER_05Orwell. Okay.
SPEAKER_06That works.
SPEAKER_05Father Orwell and Kitties. And I thought, yay! Andrew Kitty. Mm-hmm. He's making his way downstairs. Making his way downstairs. Okay, with purpose. And um a servant sees him and is like, huh?
SPEAKER_11Looks at him for a goodish amount of time.
SPEAKER_05Mm-hmm. Long enough for us to clock that she has seen him.
SPEAKER_11Yeah. No subtlety in that particular thing. She could have said out loud, I wonder what he's up to. That man there, the Grand Maestra.
SPEAKER_05I wonder if I should tell this to the queen.
SPEAKER_11Instead, I will mention it to her master of whispers.
SPEAKER_05So he's trying to get in to see Alicent. Yes. Uh, Father O. And I'm like, oh, he's got the magic potions.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_05Why did Alicent tell her? Why didn't she just not tell Helena what it was? Why didn't she just say, oh, thanks for the tea, Father O? And then like make a little for her, like make pretend to make some for her and for both of them and make tea and just have her drink the shit and not tell her what it's for.
SPEAKER_11Well, okay. Um I'm not really the best to ask about this as a person who will never have a uterus. Uh, but I I feel like you don't sneak up on someone with an abortificient.
SPEAKER_05Well, not in today's world. No, you don't. I don't think you can write that character.
SPEAKER_11I don't think you can write that character without getting booed into the next century. Helena's doing what I'll do what I want with my baby, it's mine. You know, that's fair.
SPEAKER_04Yeah.
SPEAKER_11Um, although Alison's position isn't foolish. You need to abort the child because it's going to you're gonna die anyway. Uh because it's a a threat to Judge Joffrey. At any rate.
SPEAKER_05She's like, I don't want to take it. I've seen Aamund and he burns without fire. I don't know what that means. He's got an amorid.
SPEAKER_11Oh, oh you need some preparation, H.
SPEAKER_05That makes sense.
SPEAKER_11Yeah.
SPEAKER_05Yep. So Helena basically is like, not taking it, fuck off.
SPEAKER_11Very good.
SPEAKER_05Yeah. So Lady Frey is following Rainey around her, and she's like, You promised us Heron Hall. Now you're telling whoever kills Eamon gets Harrenhall. What are you doing? What are you doing? Well, who's gonna get it? She's like, look, do you want a seat on the council or not? And the lady's like Okay.
SPEAKER_11Yeah, and she's she's complaining that she deserves a seat on the council because her armies have used the twins to cross the trident numerous times.
SPEAKER_05Right.
SPEAKER_11And I feel like collecting a toll might have been enough. Well but instead she gets to sit on the council right next to I want to keep calling him Nel Nelson Manderly, and I know that's close. That's not right.
SPEAKER_05What is it? Torin. Torin Manderley.
SPEAKER_11I want to Nelson Manderley sounds a little bit like Nelson Mandela, and I think it's amusing to me.
SPEAKER_05Oh. We see another cat. And I'm like, okay. There's the cat's gonna come back. Possibly the very next day. Yes, it the cat is gonna come back.
SPEAKER_08No, no, no, no, no. They thought he was there because Alan told the queen we keep cats for the rats on the ships.
SPEAKER_05Right, I totally forgot.
SPEAKER_08And now they have kitties all over the place.
SPEAKER_05So that can't be bad. Okay. Well, it does come back later to help.
SPEAKER_11So, anyway. It also does fuck something. I mean, wait, is that helpful? What happens at the end with the cat?
SPEAKER_05I don't know. I think it feels helpful at first. It leads to a situation. We'll say.
SPEAKER_11Yes, it does. So interest for us at least. So at the small council meeting, there's a lot of bickering about murdered gold cloaks and low amounts of money and people having chosen to do things a certain way. And Manderley is just telling Lady Frey who everyone is very quietly during the meeting. And Damon just shoots him a look like, peace, stomp.
SPEAKER_05This is and then after that, we find out that two gold cloaks were killed outside of Flea Bottom. Flea Bottom, which made me remember hot. Like, don't worry about Flea Bottom, it's full of dirt people. Don't worry about it.
SPEAKER_11They're trying to find where Vagar went all while this bickering is going on. And Adam and Bela want to go look for Vagar.
SPEAKER_04Right.
SPEAKER_11And Ray's like, no, Baila needs to take a nap. And she's like, no, I'm going.
SPEAKER_05No, I'm sending Damon.
unknownWhat?
SPEAKER_05Adam said she needs to take a nap.
SPEAKER_11That's true. She hasn't slept yet. Oh, that's right. So don't worry about it. Uh Dragon needs to wrap. Does he want to take a nap with her? Is that what the problem is? I don't know why he keeps breaking. He's napping, nap, nap, nap, have a sandwich and also take a nap.
SPEAKER_05He's just taking care of her. He's being nice to her.
SPEAKER_11He's the only one being nice to her, as it turns out.
SPEAKER_05Although he's speaking for her, which is infantilizing, but I think it's meant to be like showing that he cares about her. I think that's the point. Come on, George.
SPEAKER_11He didn't write he didn't write this shit.
SPEAKER_05That's true. And then Rainy's like, you know what? I'm gonna send Damon. Uh you and then Damon's like, fine, I'll go after I take care of all this shit that's happening in the city. Um, and then they fight, and Missy tries to interfere, and then we get more fighting about Eamon and Vagar, and Damon's like, look, city's a mess, and it's your fault.
SPEAKER_11Really? I mean it is.
SPEAKER_05Yeah. Well, she sent Lutheran, you know, take care of the graffiti, and he's and he took it a little too far.
SPEAKER_11He may have. He may have done, yeah. Uh and then um and then some someone wanders up and says, Hey, Queen Joshua. Is that who that was?
SPEAKER_05Yes, it's because it said Alinda enters on my little closed captioning. I'm like, who the fuck is Alinda?
SPEAKER_11I might have been focused on the cheeseburger in front of me when that happened.
SPEAKER_01That's it.
SPEAKER_11Because I I well we we had a little a little dinner date tonight, and cheeseburgers were on the menu and they were huge, and I needed both hands and six napkins.
SPEAKER_05So Wowser, you had a date night watching this episode. Well, I mean, it started before.
SPEAKER_11Now I gotta get to watching the episode, and I'm jamming this enormous meat pile in my face.
SPEAKER_05Laris and Aegon are trudging through the woods, arguing. Where is West? Ah, I don't know. He's like, everything's Eamon's fault. Uh I'm gonna kill you, I'm gonna kill him, or I'm gonna die trying. And I'm thinking, you know what? At least he's got a goal. He's got he's got something motivating him.
SPEAKER_11He gotta want to do stuff. Yeah, that's good.
SPEAKER_05Oh, and then uh this is where Missy comes in and she's like, What did Meister bring? Yeah.
SPEAKER_11Yeah. This was So fucking lie. She's I don't I think Alison knew that there was no point.
SPEAKER_10I guess.
SPEAKER_11I might as well be honest. But instead of being honest, she lies anyway. And says, Well, you see, I might have got boned, you know. I don't want I don't wanna I'm chugg' lug. Bye. She starts drinking shit right in front of Miss Area.
SPEAKER_05Uh yeah. That's just that's just asking for about a good week, solid week of misery.
SPEAKER_11Well, the next time we see Allison, she looks like shit.
SPEAKER_05Yes, she's not well. She's got uh like this hot a hot bottle, hot water bottle on her belly.
SPEAKER_11Yeah, and she's all pale and like I have been pooping out of both ends. No, also something else, but I don't want to talk about it.
SPEAKER_05I was gonna say maybe it does give you diarrhea too.
SPEAKER_11I don't know.
SPEAKER_05It might. Um, I I don't know nothing about this shit. Okay, so uh we see men uh marching through the woods. It's Gawain and Cole, and Gawain is saying, Hey, you should join the who the fuck are they again? Hightower.
SPEAKER_11You come and be in the High Towers, High Tower in Old Town.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, it'll be fun. We can hang out. And on just then, the Cole's horse throws him.
SPEAKER_11A bunch of horses suddenly throw their riders, yeah.
SPEAKER_05And everything's just uh big kerfuffle.
SPEAKER_10Okay, can I can I tell you what I thought was happening?
SPEAKER_11What? I thought there was some I'm so out of it for just a bit right there. I thought some sort of sonic weapon has upset the animals. Like one of those air. Have you ever seen an air cannon?
unknownMm-hmm.
SPEAKER_11Like where you take a bucket and you cut the bottom off it, and then you stretch a like a membrane over the open end and it makes this tube of yeah, maybe that's what did it through the horses, and then no, it turns out that's not it at all.
SPEAKER_05Nope. There were these big metal things that giant keltrops, yeah. They called them crows' feet.
SPEAKER_11Well yeah, because they they were considerably more spiky than most kaltrops, but holy shit, right into the hooves of the animals.
SPEAKER_05Has to still kill it.
SPEAKER_11That's instant death for a horse. And I I know why, and I didn't for the longest time, but I I found something on Reddit, and I'll I'll text it to the group. It's a very long photograph of a chat.
SPEAKER_10Oh golly.
SPEAKER_11Explains why horses suck.
SPEAKER_05Oh gosh. Why I was gonna I thought you were gonna say why horses have to be killed if they hurt their feet.
SPEAKER_11That's yes, but it's more than that because they're they're they're extraordinary animals, but they're they're built really poorly.
SPEAKER_05Yeah. Well, okay. No, let's put it this way. They're built poorly for the things we ask them to do. They're they're built poorly for the human world. I don't know. They're probably built pretty okay for the the and they probably would have evolved differently had we left them the fuck alone.
SPEAKER_11It's kind of hard to say based on what's in the thing, but we'll talk about that another time.
unknownAll right.
SPEAKER_11So Alison, um, like I said, pooping herself inside out, she sees a maiden come in, looks at her, and then takes off her necklace. And I'm like, this is a strange thing to show us.
SPEAKER_05I I couldn't put it together. I'm like, what is happening here? What was the point of the maid coming in?
SPEAKER_11I thought she was just like the maid walked in, looked at her at her uh chamber pot and was just like, dude. And then walks out, and then Alison is you had Taco Bell, didn't you?
SPEAKER_05Topical joke. Uh Damon is dressing down Luther about the things, the way things kind of got handled there.
SPEAKER_11Yeah, like he didn't have to be so nice. Yeah.
SPEAKER_05Well, he was just, it was basically a and all it it it didn't matter what they were saying because the point of that scene was we then cut to, we kind of hear, as they're arguing, a bigger kerfuffle happening off in the distance. And so they kind of the more kerfuffly it gets, the then louder they head towards it. And so they're like, oh, it's happening, and oh golly, we've got some disemboweled boys in the port colors.
SPEAKER_11Yeah. Would you consider that to be echolocating the kerfuffle?
SPEAKER_05I don't know if I'd call it echolocating so much as going following the crowd.
SPEAKER_11Because echo locating the kerfuffle sounds like a really good album, that demonstrates.
SPEAKER_05Oh wow, echo-locating the kerfuffle. That's gonna be my first EDM hit. You can't see me, but I'm dancing.
SPEAKER_09I can see you dancing.
SPEAKER_05I'm shoulder dancing.
SPEAKER_11I was too busy going to do anything.
SPEAKER_05Um when you do a lot of commuting, you you learn to shoulder dance on the car.
SPEAKER_11My commute is four minutes, so I don't even get a chance.
SPEAKER_05Uh, I have had commutes up to uh and including four hours one way.
SPEAKER_11Fuck all of that shit.
SPEAKER_02So I want to know in the next one. So that was just one day.
SPEAKER_11After we see the dead guys, by the way, I noted in my thing here, I'm eating dinner, and there's guts. I'm like, not a not a fan. This little girl goes into a building and whispers to a man who we saw in the recap who was on the parapets when Rainey arrived when Ellis went up there to tell them to call off their cannons and stuff, right?
SPEAKER_01Mm-hmm.
SPEAKER_11There's the guy is there, and he sends a raven to Ormond, and the letter says there's it was not a raven, it was a pigeon. He sends a bird mail.
SPEAKER_05Pigeons are actually um a little faster, but not as smart. So you get a discount on this could go anywhere.
SPEAKER_11So is it like a one-way only? Like a pigeon can only go one direction, but a raven will come back.
SPEAKER_05I honestly I think I I don't know. I believe they just shoot the pigeons. They shoot the raven. I think there's just big piles of ravens outside. I think we just we didn't we decide that that's what happens when you split up the entire kingdom.
SPEAKER_11Yeah, after you're done reading the mail, the the raven just dies, so you throw it out the window. And at the base of the tower where the Grand Maester stays, there's just a heap of dead birds. And like 30% of them are pigeons because someone skimped on the on the top.
SPEAKER_05It's like sending a postcard instead of a letter.
SPEAKER_11Yeah, or god forbid, a telegram. Holy buckets, can you still do that? Three dead three dead gold lion street, stop.
SPEAKER_04You guys know you're getting telegrams, right? Hot damn! Can I get mine to work?
SPEAKER_05It's not a singing telegram.
SPEAKER_11No, I just want someone with l one of those little hats to come in. That's a singing telegram. Yeah, he just stops his cap for a second. Good afternoon, Spencer. Message for you. And he just runs off. And I have to take it out and put my monocle in and you are a knob.
SPEAKER_05Stop. Stop. You're not funny. Stop.
SPEAKER_01You need to stop. Stop. Stop. Wait, don't stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Fuck. Stop. Don't stop.
SPEAKER_05So you get enough. Stop. No. It's going. Anyway. I later. Moving on. Um, go gold blood is spilled. Three marked in the tally. The account lies open is what the raven pigeon leg, yeah. Bird mail. What does that mean?
SPEAKER_11Three dead gold cloaks.
unknownOh.
SPEAKER_05Three? I thought there was only two.
SPEAKER_11There must have been an earlier one.
SPEAKER_02Oh, that I don't know. Did you watch the show? I didn't. I didn't.
SPEAKER_05Well, you're doing really well.
SPEAKER_11Yeah, I I watched it. I watched. Oh boy. I did also look at my burger. So Darren is sitting at a table when Orman receives this missive.
SPEAKER_06Mm-hmm.
SPEAKER_11And uh he uh Orman says, How are you doing with your your tutoring? And he's like, Well, gotta say, Uncle, I'm not a big fan of history. I mean, history's really great. Let's talk about it. If they sit down at this what was that game? What the fuck was that?
SPEAKER_05Uh it was a George Martin game, I'm guessing. It had um things on pegs and you put them in holes. It kind of looked like Chinese checkers, meats, chess meets, that game where you hop pegs that they have at the cracker barrel.
SPEAKER_11I can't, you know, we we uh we did uh we did learn what this was called. The game? Yeah, at one point we did talk about it. No way, uh yeah, I think it's called Sivas.
SPEAKER_05I don't remember ever seeing this.
SPEAKER_11Yes, in adaptation, Sivas first appeared on screen in House of the Dragons season three, episode five. The production team on the TV show pronounced the name as Sivas.
SPEAKER_02First appeared. That's this episode, yes. So that was it. I was wrong. We didn't see it. Okay.
SPEAKER_05I'm like, okay, I got really confused there for a second.
SPEAKER_11Is there a term for when you wiki something you're uncertain about and you nail it right away? Because it's like a the opposite of a w wiki crawl. Is there like a I guess a wiki bullseye? Because I nailed it. That was pretty good. Ah damn, give me a cookie. I'll have a cookie afterwards. Does it make for good audio?
SPEAKER_05They talk about the yellow toad.
SPEAKER_11The yellow toad of Dorne, yes.
SPEAKER_05Of Dorne, and how she was a baddie but ugly.
SPEAKER_11Yeah, she were she were not pretty, but she was tactically brilliant.
SPEAKER_05Yeah. During this whole story, Darren somehow wins the game.
SPEAKER_11Yeah, I don't know.
SPEAKER_02He he he wins.
SPEAKER_05And Orman flips the board like a baby.
SPEAKER_11He got mad because Darren said, I got lucky. Oh. And and then he afterwards says, never apologize for victory. That's why he flipped the board. It wasn't that he was upset at having lost, but I suppose what did Orman expect Darren to like do the the X over his nuts gesture? I don't know.
SPEAKER_05The what? Oh, gotcha, gotcha, gotcha, gotcha. The boom. I don't know.
SPEAKER_11I'm doing it into a room with no one in and no camera, so I'm just doing this. My cat's over there, like, the fuck are you doing?
SPEAKER_05Like that's then he gives them some coins he's handmade with his face on it.
SPEAKER_09Just so we're not creepy at all, nephew. I brought you this coin with your face on it.
SPEAKER_05It is creepy. The face is not good.
SPEAKER_09I never talk to you as though I was some sort of cultist.
SPEAKER_05Oh man.
SPEAKER_11I didn't like I don't like it when Orman talks to Darren about Darren being king because he does it in this way that's just I know.
SPEAKER_05It's creepy. Holland is in the garden with the little one, the little one that didn't die. They're looking at caterpillars.
SPEAKER_11This is another Jaharis. Is that the kid's name? Does it matter? Jerry.
SPEAKER_05I'm gonna worry about that name when we have to.
SPEAKER_11We won't.
SPEAKER_05Right now I don't have to.
SPEAKER_11Um there's only a season and three episodes left, but I gotta worry about it. Shh.
SPEAKER_05We so Alicent interrupts them, uh the maid takes the kid away. Um, and she's like, Luke, we gotta get the fuck out of here. So I took my necklace and I traded it um to make sure we only have one guard at our door tonight. Um, so there's a hidden door in Amon's chainer chamber, and then we can just melt into the streets of King Landing. And and Helen's like, uh yeah, but what about the kid? Yeah. Mom's like, you can have more. Yeah. So she's she's like, nope, not leaving her. So good on Helena for standing her ground twice now, right?
SPEAKER_11Yeah. And she also calls out Alice for being terrible at lying.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, you suck at lying, Mom.
SPEAKER_11Yeah.
SPEAKER_05Ayla and Adam are out looking for clothes, talking about blah blah blah. Didn't care. Amon's dreaming about Vagar again. We get him walking around the room with his bare feet on what looks like gravel. That made me so uncomfortable. He was walking around like Jim Morrison, like leather pants and nothing else. It was weird.
SPEAKER_02I hate Jim Morrison.
SPEAKER_09Can I say that?
SPEAKER_05But you know what I'm talking about, right?
SPEAKER_09Yeah, I know. It's just like a retorted poet, but I'm also a warrior. No, you're fucking drunk around.
SPEAKER_05So he claimed unpopular takes.
SPEAKER_11Okay, so I'm not the only person who doesn't like the doors, okay?
SPEAKER_05That's true. I you know what? Here's something funny about uh I I uh I'm meh on the doors.
SPEAKER_11Yeah, too much organ, too much organ. Something she never said, if you get what I'm saying.
SPEAKER_05Okay, so Eamon's dreaming of Vegar, and then the witch is talking about his dream, and he's walking around. We talked about that. Climbs onto the balcony, he's looking for his dragon. Right? Yeah and the witch is like, look, Rainey's hunting Vagar, and then he asks about Vagon, uh Aegon, and she says, like, look, uh, everybody's saying you killed him, but I don't believe he's dead. And then we get Amin's boo-hoo story about Aegon, yeah, and I'm having a hard time remembering it.
SPEAKER_11Uh we saw them as children, yeah.
SPEAKER_05And it's this episode was just it was rough, guys.
SPEAKER_11It was an episode, that's for sure.
SPEAKER_05It was, oh my gosh. So Aegon and Laris are back at the wagon again.
SPEAKER_11So this is the best scene of the whole episode.
SPEAKER_05Aegon's whining about being an aim aaman's shadow, and then he's just going on and on and fucking on, and Laris just basically goes, You know what? Fuck fuck you at everything, man. Could have been really cool, but you were just such a fucking dickhead. Just happy to be mediocre. You're a terrible king.
SPEAKER_02But worse than that, you are a terrible man. Yeah, and then he just walks off.
SPEAKER_11Yeah, and I thought Egon's gonna lunge up and stab him with that dragon scale. I thought so too. He just sat there, he's probably right. I'm a weenie.
SPEAKER_05Oh man.
SPEAKER_11Rainy's at the Sept.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_05Doing some candle gazing.
SPEAKER_11And uh I'm gonna start calling worship candle gazing from now on. That is the word.
SPEAKER_05What you doing? Candle gazing.
SPEAKER_11Oh, god, huh? Well, that's fine. Yeah, I'm gonna go bowling.
SPEAKER_05No harm in trying, right?
SPEAKER_11Well, that's that's what they Damon says, like you might as well give it a shot. And he's like, Yeah, well, they never helped me before.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_05So he takes this opportunity to start telling her about what's happened in town, and now now there've been like six guys killed, and the enemy has to be within, just has to be. There's a pattern and a purpose. It seems to be like one guy is orchestrating all of this. Do we know who's killing them?
SPEAKER_11I know we I know who's paying for it.
SPEAKER_05It's it's Damon or Darien, Darien. Well, right.
SPEAKER_11Or Ormond is controlling that.
SPEAKER_05Okay, right. With with okay, right, right. Oh, okay, okay, wait, wait. Okay, so so they start talking in Valerian, because of course we they did because they paid that person to come up with the language.
SPEAKER_11So I uh as I he said to Mike before the record, I I enjoy hearing High Valerian, it's beautiful. It's not bad. I don't like reading it and typing because I always end up typing the wrong things. And and then I think this is something else, and I didn't mention it earlier, but I'll I'll bring it up now. This might be the first time we've ever heard anyone be sarcastic in High Valerian. Because uh Damon basically says, Oh, look at you! It's fancy pants, uh, and I'm like, wow, that sounds even better. Maybe it's just Matt Smith. I don't know. It had the good and ears where you needed them, right? A lot of that. Yeah. It's beautiful, it's pretty language. I think it I think those hisses and and trills are kind of meant to evoke the dragon.
SPEAKER_05Dragon, sure, sure, sure. Yeah, I also look at it. It's a lot prettier than um what's the other one? Everybody looks like or Klingon. Klingon, that's the one I was thinking. Uh, Dothraki was actually pretty cool too. Yeah. All right, and she's freaking out because she doesn't know where Aegon is or Amon, and she doesn't know where her gold is, and he's like, You're supposed to be so great, and you're losing. Cut to Gwen. And he's like, Cole, this sucks. We need a different plan. And at this point, Cole looks exactly like Ross from France. And he says, blah blah blah blah blah. We're gonna keep going. Karate. Karate. The routine. Laris is back at the Ren Fair and a guy walks past him in a creepy way, which, to be fair, I've been to many Ren Fairs. Many men walk past many people and give them creepy looks. It's a thing. It just happens. It's an everyday affair at the Renfair. Getting creepy looks happens, especially if you have chesticles.
SPEAKER_11So, um I I deliberately didn't say anything because I didn't want to talk about the word chesticles.
SPEAKER_05Aegon sits down next to him, next to Laris, and he's like, just hire the fucking ship. And out of the blue comes the guy. Is it the guy who looked at him creepily?
SPEAKER_11Nope. Different guy. It was a different guy. It was Thailand Lannister, who we assumed to be dead during the Battle of the Gullet.
SPEAKER_05Right.
SPEAKER_11And he is certainly not dead.
SPEAKER_05They're happy to see him, they seem to be anyway.
SPEAKER_11Seven hells. What a shocker that was.
SPEAKER_05Yeah. So the maid takes Helena.
SPEAKER_10Okay, can I just say the maid walked out of the room?
SPEAKER_11No one's gonna hear her with those heels. Clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop.
SPEAKER_05And Helena, okay, she's just she can't even, she's following like a mile behind her. She is not keeping up.
SPEAKER_11No. It doesn't matter. They try to frump up by doing maid's costumes here.
SPEAKER_06Mm-hmm.
SPEAKER_11And they make it a whopping four inches.
SPEAKER_06Yeah. And Messy catches her.
SPEAKER_11Like I ran and I ran and I ran and they caught me after uh six paces. Oh god. Okay.
SPEAKER_05Yeah. So now Alicent is like, hey, you know what? I know who you are. You're the white worm. You were just, you know. You just starts playing on her insecurities, right?
SPEAKER_11And a relationship with Ren Renera and how it might be fragile.
SPEAKER_05Mm-hmm. And how Damon's like her true because I mean, hey, it's her brother.
SPEAKER_10Come on, uncle's father.
SPEAKER_05Is it her uncle? Yeah, her uncle. Okay, that's right.
unknownOkay.
SPEAKER_11And also, there's uh um Helena gets really pissed off because she wants to go outside and look at the moon.
SPEAKER_05And she's like, you're gonna have to settle for the window.
SPEAKER_11And I thought I thought she was gonna jump out the fucking window. I thought we were gonna we're gonna have a talmon moment again where she's like, I can see the ball.
SPEAKER_05Exactly. You know, she'd be like, you know what? I don't want this, I don't want to go through this baby thing. I don't want to try to escape. My husband is dead. I'm just gonna j what the fuck? You know, I'm just gonna tom in this shit. And it's boop.
SPEAKER_11No one jumps out a window like Tom and Baratheon. Whoa! Man, that was so unexpected.
SPEAKER_05Just the Whee.
unknownBoop.
SPEAKER_05It was the best. Just the forwardly.
SPEAKER_02The straightforwardly It wasn't even crowned behind. It just stepped. Yeah. It was Wild. I mean, if you're gonna go, do a spin. There you go. Or a flip. Yeah. Make a jaunty pose. Do something. You can't just Alright.
SPEAKER_11I don't know if this is a separate scene or not, but we get to see Renera look in at Joffrey, who is asleep.
SPEAKER_05Oh, wait, you forgot to mention that. Helen has a caterpillar in a cage. Yeah, I don't care about her bugs. But the thing is, it's a caterpillar, and the cage has very wide bamboo openings.
SPEAKER_10Okay.
SPEAKER_05This caterpillar can just smoosh right through those holes. This caterpillar is staying because it wants to.
SPEAKER_11She's weird. She's a bug girl.
SPEAKER_05She's a bug girl. I had bug girls. Rainey's gonna go see Joffrey.
SPEAKER_11You two does about it. Alright, so this I you know, these guys, the the Cole and Gwen party, they have fun. Don't they?
SPEAKER_05Just they see a giant dragon footprint.
SPEAKER_11This was bordering on comical. Like Clifford the big red dog walked here. Kind of silliness to me. I don't know. Big dragon footprint. Then it starts raining, and it's just not going. It doesn't look good for Homestar Runner. Let's just say that. These guys are struggling to walk. And when people fall, they just leave them. There's leeches everywhere.
SPEAKER_05And all I can say is, this is what it's like to walk through a forest when there's not a path. We've got some realism. Finally, someone's listening to our podcast. I'm so excited. This is what it's like. And then you end up in a bug. There's leeches, and Cole don't care. It's just slug, slug, throg through the bog. I'm convinced that Cole is some sort of android. Think he well, we find out later. But he's just where they're slunging through the bog and the rain and the fog. Oh, I'm poet. Holy shit.
unknownWow.
SPEAKER_05And we see more dumbasses going up the cliffside trying to look for Eamon. There's kind of more bounty hunters. Do you have to go to the top like that? I kind of reminds me of the Princess Bride, but the only way you can get up is the cliffs of insanity. So he's climbing up the cliffs of insanity to find Eamon. And uh of course, which comes out to do her little spiel. Hello, welcome to Heron Hall. Eamon's not here. He flew away when Rainey took over King's Landing. Oh, you hadn't heard that? How odd. Now, if you'll excuse me, and then Eamon comes out, stab, stab, stabby, because they tried to take her hostage and tried to kill her.
SPEAKER_11You forgot you forgot the threat of rape, which has occurred in four consecutive episodes now.
SPEAKER_05I for I didn't want to mention it.
SPEAKER_11Yeah, well, unfortunately, it's something we have to discuss because ignoring it downplays its significance.
SPEAKER_05Well, yeah, he comes out and yeah, he he saves her. Well, there was a there was uh in my closed captioning it said flesh squelching. Yes. I found that very funny.
SPEAKER_11That is delightful. So back And they do win. Back at Rook's breast. Are we we going to there now?
SPEAKER_05Yep, Laris is talking to Lannister.
SPEAKER_11And they're trying to figure out why going to Bravos is a bad idea, and apparently it's the food and the heat and the you know. And Laris is like, what? It's not important. I know these people. And he was like, you know. That took a lot of effort to be extremely quiet. Thanks for not helping with my joke. I appreciate that. If the crickets show uh show up here, that'd be really cool.
SPEAKER_06Um I have no idea what you expect to me to say.
SPEAKER_11During Lannister keeps talking about how he knows the people of Bravos and he said, I know their I know their food, I know their custom, I know their and then he's like, you know. And I Larry tries to get that out of him, what you know means.
SPEAKER_04And look You can't kill him, he's already dead!
SPEAKER_11Yeah, which is actually one of the better parts of this episode as well. He sneaks up and grabs Aegon's crown from the little sack he carries it in, and he's like, So the name's Gregor, is it? So that dagger finally comes back, and Aegon says, You can call me your grace. I'm like, that's a great fucking line. And Laris and Lannister are both like, oh shit, another body to clean up.
SPEAKER_05You know when this happens. We can't take this guy anywhere. I tried dumping him, I left him behind at the wagon. What did he do? Followed me. I told him he was terrible, and here he still is.
SPEAKER_02Kill the guy over a pointy hat.
SPEAKER_05The gold cloaks you know have you seen my hat? The gold cloaks are worried about the serial killer. And they're like, this and it were you know what? Fuck this. We're not getting paid. I don't I'm not this this isn't what I signed up for. My bowels being splayed about upon some various surfaces. Forget that. So Oh, I took bowel splaying. Feyman has to give him a pep talk, right? At this point, Cole and his crew finally arrive at the last bridge.
SPEAKER_11I made a funny here in my notes. They look over, and there's a destroyed bridge and a river, and someone goes, What is it? And I go out loud to no one everyone, everyone's in a gun. So it's a river.
SPEAKER_05Stop beating him, he's already dead, I tell you. So the riverman, it turns out the rivermen had crossed and burned the bridges behind them so that Cole couldn't get there first and do what they you know he had done to them. So uh it's mark and Gawain is shooketh.
SPEAKER_11He's like, Cole, I I hate your face so much.
SPEAKER_06Oh man.
SPEAKER_11So he cut immediately to an eyeball coming out of a head.
SPEAKER_05Well, we cut to a man screaming. Yeah, and then they're tur they're well, they're turning the torture machine up to 11. And remember, this is for posterity, so be honest. How do you feel? Demon wants to know. He he's like, I'm the only one who did it. I'm the only one who killed the gold cloaks, and he doesn't know who hired him, and and he's like, but there's a there's something in my boot. Check my boot. I'd be like, don't take his boot. Look at this, little piggies!
SPEAKER_02Also, there's a coin.
SPEAKER_05And that's when they plucked his eye out.
SPEAKER_11King Darren Targaryen, and then they chop his head off. Yeah.
SPEAKER_05Mm-hmm. Make him camp in the forest. Gwane's trying to be positive, invites him to hang out in the hide with the high tires, and he's like, nah, I'm just gonna raft the river or swim it.
SPEAKER_11You're putting us towards certain death. And Cole's like, yeah, buddy.
SPEAKER_05I can't go back defeated. I am the realm's greatest warrior. Where did this come from?
SPEAKER_11His ass.
SPEAKER_05There will be songs about me, and Alison will hear them, he thinks.
SPEAKER_11No, no, Cole. You're a you're kind of a booger.
SPEAKER_05He said a little dololo. Oh yeah. Huh. Call a little dololo.
SPEAKER_03That's a fun, a fun sound. He's been a dololo.
SPEAKER_05Call is a little dololo. Randy and Alan are talking about the fleet. Damon comes in, he's got the coin. He's like, hey, guess what? Guess what? Guess what? Guess what Orman did? How do we just fucking family cling? And he walks.
SPEAKER_11Yep. Should have burned him when we had the chance. Oh, by the way, did I mention that in the scene there was also a brief appearance by Ellen!
SPEAKER_05Oh yeah, Rainey and Alan are talking about the fling. We see Helena watching another cat. Ah, see yes. And finding, and that's how she so she's like paying attention to the cat, and then as she gets closer to the cat, she notices that there's a wind coming through.
SPEAKER_11There's a draft in the in the because there's a crack in the wall. Meanwhile, we also see that Gwen and some of his men have abandoned Cole. Because why the fuck would you keep going with him?
SPEAKER_05Yep. They've taken their bindles and gone.
SPEAKER_11Also, meanie, meanwhile, we see Damon in the Gold Cloaks Barracks looking for his buddies. But then we cut back to the girls who have cracked open this secret tunnel.
SPEAKER_06Mm-hmm.
SPEAKER_11And they get to the end, find it's bricked up, and then cat's upstairs.
SPEAKER_05Cat runs past again. Damon's got a torch. And in this tunnel? Was it within this tunnel that they find?
SPEAKER_11No. No, it's different. The girls drop their torch and are trapped in the tunnel because the door closed behind them.
SPEAKER_08My note on this was we can't go back, the door is shut. It's like, well, you pushed it open, so pull it open when you go back there. I mean, uh what?
SPEAKER_11Don't you have on the inside emergency release pull here?
SPEAKER_05Yeah, or at least a handle.
SPEAKER_11Anything. And but in the barracks at the uh in the deepest part of it, there is a table set up with nine or ten fellas, and they're all they're all extremely not well. Yeah.
SPEAKER_05Their insides is on the outsides.
SPEAKER_11Yeah, their innards became uttered. One guy's missing his head, everyone's got their eyes and mouths shut. And it says something on the back wall. And I forget what it was.
SPEAKER_05It says a feast for traitors. Ah, yes. Written in blood above them. Now, here's the thing.
SPEAKER_11Yeah.
SPEAKER_05We are getting a lot of gore.
SPEAKER_11We got funny, I really don't know.
SPEAKER_05We're getting a lot of implied violence. You see what I'm saying? There's I feel like the old Game of Thrones would have. I guess they did this too. There we go. Like with the burned bodies of the orphan kids and stuff like that. You just saw the end result. Mostly heads on pikes, of course.
SPEAKER_11Yeah. Who doesn't love a head on a pike?
SPEAKER_05I know. What's the pike guy gonna do? I mean how much we can do that. Oh, that's it. That's it. Did we miss anything, Mike, that you uh that you saw?
SPEAKER_08Nope. I'm just um everybody's at a crossroads right now.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_08What's gonna happen next? I expected the end of the episode to be like the old Batman. Will so and so be doo doo. Will bada ba da ba da ba. Tune in next time, same dragon channel, same dragon time. You want me to come up with one off the tone here?
SPEAKER_11Okay. Will Damon discover the murderers of the gold cloaks? Will Alison and Helena find a way through the wall? Will Rhineira do anything useful? And will Orman continue to make weird noises toward his nephew? Tune in next week!
SPEAKER_05There you go. I love it. Thank you. Thank you so much for listening, listener. Uh, let us know you listen. Go to RoyalHighnesspod at gmail.com to send us a Gmail. Or send us a telegram. That'd be awesome.
SPEAKER_11Even when they just says stop, stop.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, you can message us on Facebook too. I want to thank our producer, Mike.
SPEAKER_08Thanks, Mike! You're quite welcome.
SPEAKER_05And those fine folks over Injured Nerds Productions. We can't wait to do it all again next week, but until then. Love ya.
SPEAKER_09It's the first day, Mary.
SPEAKER_00Royal Highness is produced by Injured Nerds Productions, and is available on all major podcast platforms. The opinions and comments expressed here are those of the hosts and their guests, and are not affiliated in any way with HBO or the Game of Thrones series. If you want to contact us, you can do so at RoyalHighnesspod at gmail.com. Thanks for listening. We hope you come back to listen again.